Even dh doesn’t care about the risk

[Themstherules]

Hi

I absolutely hate to be that parent but I feel very upset about this.

As is the same every year people share pictures and videos on social media of school events and these inevitably contain other children. It’s done on WhatsApp, snap chat, insta and FB. People think that their socials are private especially Watsapp and snap chat but let’s be honest non of these are secure.

We are told before each event that photo and videos are allowed but must be kept private.

Yesterday someone shared a whole class photo of dc I’m uniform. I reported it and I messaged the school parent group to ask for it to be taken down. The sharer did then remove it.

I feel totally embarrassed but I ended up sharing on the group page why I was asking for this. I said I’m sorry to be a pain but xyz is why I would like it removed. The reasons are very personal and non of the school parent would be aware but I felt it necessary to share my reasons so I didn’t look neurotic and so it really brought it home to people who keep doing this.

I spoke to dh about it last night and although he didn’t say it I get the impression he thinks I’m over the top and being risk averse. He wouldn’t have bothered if it was him who saw it.

I now feel upset that I shared my Children’s personal life story with the school parents, obviously I didn’t go into all the details I just simply stated why. And I feel like maybe I am being that neurotic parent. No one responded to what I said and I now feel judged.

Aibu? Should I apologise to the group? Should I have left the picture up?

It kind of depends on the reason you asked it to be removed. If it would put your child at risk from an abusive former partner for example then of course it had to be done.

I mean you felt like you needed to make the post and you did. Obviously no one can really comment on it as we don't know your reasons and whether or not they seemed valid.
At the end of the day it was how you felt. Although your DH is allowed to feel like you are over the top with it. Neither of you are necessarily being unreasonable.

My dc are adopted and have had threats to their life. There has been a previous incident a few years ago where a person turned up to school after finding out where they went somehow.

Why?

You wouldn't have taken a photo down you had publicly posted of someone else's child when the parent asked you not to share it?

Absolutely not neurotic! That is a very very reasonable reason. I don't allow photos of my child online simply for the reason that I don't want to. You shouldn't have to justify yourself but it's ok that you did. I can see you would be hurt by your husbands actions.

They shouldn't be sharing a photo that includes other children without the parents consent. They're in the wrong, you are right to protect your child.

It's sad that you had to share the reasons why you didn't want it shared but some people are very ignorant and unable to see anything that hasn't directly affected them so it's probably necessary to spell it out to them.

Even though it puts her children at risk?
So selfish

If its policy and someone breached that then yes, id have reported it and not a chance in hell would I have explained myself. You dont owe anyone an explanation, and in fact you do not need one. The policy is there, im sure it doesnt say, If you give us a good enough reason, does it?
Dont feel bad, the person who breached policy should be mortified.

Was it an official class photo or an unofficial personal photo that a parent took on the school site or similar?

I think it's fine to ask for the picture to be removed given your specific circs, and a quick explanation as you've said here is also fine. I'm surprised your DH is as relaxed as he is about it given the history.

The of course you did the right thing - you have to protect them and don't feel bad about it at all! Anyone else would do the same. It's a shame you had to divulge that personal information to all the other parents but hopefully it means you won't have to do so again. I'm sorry OP. That's awful for you to deal with.

No, I wouldn’t. If I wanted to post a photo then there are reasons for that, even if I just thought it was a nice photo.

If you’re picky about photos then the onus is on you to make sure your kid isn’t in them.

and that would make you THAT parent.
Selfish.

Then you’re a twat.

Your reasons for not allowing photos are exactly why schools have to be so strict about not allowing photos. It’s stupid and selfish of parents to ignore this.

I’m glad you explained why because, from now on, hopefully they will think twice about sharing photos of other people’s children without permission.

So if someone said "please take down this photo which includes my child, you are putting them in danger by sharing their image and school uniform on the internet" you'd just say "balls to that, I'm leaving it up"?

People should ask your permission to take and display your child's photograph.

@TheNameIsDickDarlington i just wouldn’t entertain it.

Our school have a policy that no photos must be taken by parents at all.

the problem with allowing photographs but only for personal use is that once you give someone an inch, they then take a mile.

I wouldn’t have said that your children were adopted, I feel that is very private information and your DC may not want people knowing that.

I've had to do the same in the past, for the same reason. It makes it harder for you that your DH doesn't see it the same way though.

Very selfish.

I think the lack of response and just the take down is that the parent who shared is a little embarrassed as they hadnt thought of wider implications that you have had to raise. They could have apologised but i would just leave this and move on now. All the parents know you have a valid reason and not neurotic.

You were right to get the photo removed.

I can't say whether you were right about giving the reason as it perhaps depends on how much fine detail, but saying 'my children are adopted and there are safety concerns' should be sufficient except for selfish idiots.

My children are adopted too. I feel your pain around this.

Our school share photos on twitter so the parents have given permission but I still blur out the other kids faces if I'm sharing one on my own Facebook. I'd never share a photo of someone else's kids.