Even dh doesn’t care about the risk

[Themstherules]

Hi

I absolutely hate to be that parent but I feel very upset about this.

As is the same every year people share pictures and videos on social media of school events and these inevitably contain other children. It’s done on WhatsApp, snap chat, insta and FB. People think that their socials are private especially Watsapp and snap chat but let’s be honest non of these are secure.

We are told before each event that photo and videos are allowed but must be kept private.

Yesterday someone shared a whole class photo of dc I’m uniform. I reported it and I messaged the school parent group to ask for it to be taken down. The sharer did then remove it.

I feel totally embarrassed but I ended up sharing on the group page why I was asking for this. I said I’m sorry to be a pain but xyz is why I would like it removed. The reasons are very personal and non of the school parent would be aware but I felt it necessary to share my reasons so I didn’t look neurotic and so it really brought it home to people who keep doing this.

I spoke to dh about it last night and although he didn’t say it I get the impression he thinks I’m over the top and being risk averse. He wouldn’t have bothered if it was him who saw it.

I now feel upset that I shared my Children’s personal life story with the school parents, obviously I didn’t go into all the details I just simply stated why. And I feel like maybe I am being that neurotic parent. No one responded to what I said and I now feel judged.

Aibu? Should I apologise to the group? Should I have left the picture up?

Then you’re a crappy parent.

It also doesn’t matter what the ‘reason’ is, you don’t post pictures of other peoples children and if someone asks you to remove one you do post, you take it down immediately.

There are no ifs or bits with this. Even if you’re children weren’t adopted OP, you would STILL have the right to say no posting of their photos.

How some people don’t get this I have no idea.

I found being open my DC were adopted helped other parents 'police' things too.

This is insanely unfair. Just don’t put pictures of other peoples kids online, it’s not that hard!

I think if we’re talking about a private WhatsApp group of school parents it’s not as much of an issue as if they’re talking about a public post on Facebook. A parents group will consist of people who already know what your kids looks like and will have class photos so hard to see the danger. I do understand your concern though.

Actually it works the other way round. You want to publicly post something even though that is against school policy you need to make sure all parents are on board with this.

You're 100% correct to have done what you did and I'm just sorry some selfish arsehole who can't fathom some children are looked after or now adopted made you feel you needed to justify your reasoning.

When people look at the kids who've been abused who make the media and say, "Oh god, I'd have had them!", they're not usually the people who are lining up to adopt children who have been similarly traumatised, (many of the kids in the high profile cases have siblings) but in my humble experience are the ones who can't stick to a simple fucking safety rule because it inconveniences them.

I'd have lost my shit tbh, I think you've done incredibly well.

Likewise. And I would have got the photos taken down. But I certainly wouldn't have explained why. That is not our story to tell.

Well @PeachesOnTheBeaches certainly derailed this thread.

Sorry op, you are most definitely not being unreasonable.

It just takes 1 idiot like @PeachesOnTheBeaches to take a photo from WhatsApp and post it on Facebook or wherever open for everyone.

Reverse image searching makes things much easier to find than in the past.

No one should be sharing pictures of anyone else's children without permission.
Especially ones in school uniform etc that can identify where the children go to school or clubs etc.
Anyone that thinks it's OK is BU.

I think it depends on where it was shared. If they shared it in the parents WhatsApp group then I don't see any risk as all those people know good and well where your kid goes to school. If they put it on Facebook I'd have asked for it to be taken down. I wouldn't apologise to the group. You wanted it deleted and they did so job done.

In that case you’re a safeguarding risk who shouldn’t be allowed around children.

It’s a whole class photo. It’s supposed to be a memory for the parents and children, not for whoever you’ve got on your social media accounts. It shouldn’t have been shared publicly. Why should parents start telling their children they can’t be in photos because there are adults around who don’t seem capable of being responsible and considerate of other families?

I don’t allow my baby to be on any social media. Her life isn’t mine, or anyone else’s to share.

No the onus is on you to ensure you take photos without getting other children in them. Or cropping them out.

You were/aren't being unreasonable. When I was a Brownie leader we had a child who could not be in any photographs we took. Pack staff got used to using creative angles, blurring and anything else (strategic boxes, pillars, trees!) to make sure said child never appeared in photos. We asked all parents to do the same. If the safety of the child, or any other reason, meant making sure the child was never in shot then that is what we did.

As pp have said, the silence is probably because the parent who posted it has never come across a similar situation previously and is feeling embarrased. That said, given the school know the situation, they should also have been taking steps to prevent accidental release of images - maybe giving your dc a flag to hide behind hold. It might be something to suggest to them going forward.

Of course you did the right thing. I'm sorry that it's another thing you have to be vigilant about and fight for but well done for doing it.
Talk to the school if parents refuse to take it down - they should be making it clear at all school events too.
Sorry that some people are such arseholes.

No YWNBU to ask for it to be taken down and it’s up to you to decide whether or not to share details. The one thing though is that you shouldn’t feel OBLIGED to give details, no one has the right to share photos of your DC especially where it is against school policy. So don’t feel obliged to explain- you’re in the right. I personally never share photos of anyone else online without asking them- as do all other sane people!

Ignore @PeachesOnTheBeaches I think here AI has malfunctioned…

You did the right thing. It’s a very valid reason for asking them to remove it and providing your reasoning.

You shouldn’t have to explain why. Parents should follow rules and not post. I’d hope most people are sensible enough to understand why.
Even on closed facebook groups or parents chats people show the phone to other people - friends, workmates, relatives.
We have a no photo Brownie who is adopted , we don’t post her in any photos.

I guessed your children might be adopted from your OP.

My child is not adopted but I would not be happy about this. The lack of privacy for children on the internet is shocking and a lot of parents are woefully naive. I would have happily been that parent and asked for it to be removed. You’ve done nothing wrong OP, well done for protecting your children.

My children can’t have their photo on the internet for safety reasons. I’m regularly that parent at things like toddler groups asking people not to take pictures, i don’t much care what they think to be honest. I’d rather just keep them safe.

P.S. if it happens again I would be pulling my kids out of the class photo too- assuming that’s what’s been shared. Or asking the school to have a no phones/ no pics on site policy- if the parents can’t be trusted that’s the consequence.

I totally agree, so much stuff gets backed up to the cloud these days I think people don't appreciate it.

Yes just make sure your child has their invisibility cloak with them at all times. 🙄

Everyone has a camera in their pocket these days, how on earth do you expect a child to dodge every photo?

You have your reasons - stand by them and don't apologise. I doubt you will have this issue again. It might be worth getting some counselling about this if it is a real issue for you? We're the school aware of the safeguarding issues with your dc before this? Maybe you just need to insist your dmDC are never in any group photos?