Even dh doesn’t care about the risk

[Themstherules]

Hi

I absolutely hate to be that parent but I feel very upset about this.

As is the same every year people share pictures and videos on social media of school events and these inevitably contain other children. It’s done on WhatsApp, snap chat, insta and FB. People think that their socials are private especially Watsapp and snap chat but let’s be honest non of these are secure.

We are told before each event that photo and videos are allowed but must be kept private.

Yesterday someone shared a whole class photo of dc I’m uniform. I reported it and I messaged the school parent group to ask for it to be taken down. The sharer did then remove it.

I feel totally embarrassed but I ended up sharing on the group page why I was asking for this. I said I’m sorry to be a pain but xyz is why I would like it removed. The reasons are very personal and non of the school parent would be aware but I felt it necessary to share my reasons so I didn’t look neurotic and so it really brought it home to people who keep doing this.

I spoke to dh about it last night and although he didn’t say it I get the impression he thinks I’m over the top and being risk averse. He wouldn’t have bothered if it was him who saw it.

I now feel upset that I shared my Children’s personal life story with the school parents, obviously I didn’t go into all the details I just simply stated why. And I feel like maybe I am being that neurotic parent. No one responded to what I said and I now feel judged.

Aibu? Should I apologise to the group? Should I have left the picture up?

YA most definitely NBU op. I have a relative who had to leave her home with her children and be relocated far away with the help of women’s aid. It involved panic buttons and all sorts of things to keep her and her DC safe. I’d go mad if some thoughtless idiot shared a pic of her kids in their school uniform.

I’m the boring person that points this sort of thing out on Fb posts when people I know share unofficial missing posts about people. If it isn’t in the papers, or from the police, don’t share it. You don’t know what possible nasty motives someone might have in faking a missing post.

Im sure (or at least hope) the others in the WhatsApp group are rethinking their social media posting and the risk they might thoughtlessly create for others.

I've just been to DGS sports day and we were all reminded that any pictures or videos must not be shared on social media as some children will be caught in the photo and it can cause problems. I totally understand this and wouldn't dream of putting other children in what could be a delicate situation. My dgs father is not allowed any contact with him and we feel the same. You were right to ask for it to be removed xxx

How is unfair?
If the child’s not allowed in pictures and everyone else is allowed then she needs to step out obviously for her own safety.

I think we can all see on here what's wrong with the world. People are so so desperate to have a following on social media and are desperately chasing 'likes' these days that they have a blatant disregard for other people's right to privacy 🙄 Shame on them.

Fortunately for other parents, you wouldn't have a choice -- you can report photos of your children posted to Facebook as a violation of privacy. Facebook will delete the photo whether you like it or not.

If you have a child that absolutely must not have their photo taken them you have to inform the school and make your child aware so that they avoid being photographed. It may mean they have to miss out on some events.

I agree with Peaches that the onus is on the parent of the child that has to be given special treatment.

For whole class pictures?

step to the side…. That’s what the girl in my dds class did.

end of year performance she just got off the stage for a few minutes.

Yes, very selfish. So if DC is on stage at school I’m supposed to nip up and get them off the stage before some idiot parent photos them and puts it up on social media against the school rules?
Your selfish desire to put pictures of your DC with other peoples DC included on social media overrides a very real risk to some of those children? Get your brain in gear.

Adopted children have a right to a full school experience. That includes being the lead in a class play for example, if selected. Other parents' wishes to post photos online do not trump a child's right to do stuff in school.

She also had a part off the stage during performances so they could still be recorded and bought via the school.

Disagree. The socially responsible thing to do for ALL children’s sake is not to put their lives on social media.

@CamCola what if the child really liked drama? It wouldn't be fair to keep them from having a main role because of a no photos rule.

Of course you are not being unreasonable and I'm so sorry you have to worry about this kind of thing. I don't believe @PeachesOnTheBeaches is actually a real person (is anyone really that selfish that they consider sharing a nice photo is more important than preventing child abduction?) But if they are real it is an excellent demonstration of why so many schools have banned photos being taken all together.

Sorry your dh isn't supportive / arsed OP.

I can say, although I'm not in a similar situation, my dh is generally very laid back and doesn't get worked up over much either. He would probably be the same if we were in that situation.

Why should the child have to miss out?
The school or activity leader can post pics without the child.
It’s scenario where parents take pics and post with no permission that cause issues.

Not in least unreasonable. I am quite shocked people think it is ok to post pictures of other people's children to social media without consent. There is no valid reason to do this. Completely selfish and myopic way to live.

I agree. I always wonder if the parents who need the world to fawn over their children have low self esteem.

Agreed. Utterly pathetic. My DC have had full lives kept well away from social media. Not all family agreed, but tough.

If a parent asks for pictures to be taken down they have a reason. They don’t have to share that reason but it’s enough for you to remove photos.
would it hurt to do that?

I don’t know. I don’t work at the school. It’s just how it went at my DDs school.

I also don’t think you can tell 29 other parents they can’t record their kids performances either though.

They used to record the performance and sale it for a couple of pounds to raise money for the school

It’s like people think it’s not worth something happening in their physical life if they can’t post it into their online life for their nan’s neighbour 3 doors down to ‘like’. I just don’t get it.

You did the right thing. Of course you don’t post photos of other people’s kids on your social media without their express permission. Surely nobody is that desperate for Likes?

@PeachesOnTheBeaches sounds like you're a really considerate person.

It doesn't take a genius to work out why sharing posts and photos including other people's children is a no go without the parents explicit consent. I don't share anything about ds on social media due to the nature of my job and I've told family they can't post photos etc of him unless they make sure their settings are private. It's really very basic online safety anyway. I don't think op should have had to explain that at all. Her children's business is noone else's and its up to her what her children's digital footprint is. Noone else's. A simple I'm not happy for my children to be online on public social media (or any social media for that matter) should have been enough. But I guess some people as @PeachesOnTheBeaches has demonstrated need it spelled out for them.

It is sad people think their desire to take photos trumps the needd of a child.

Adopted children have generally already been through a lot in their short lives. Now we have people saying they need to miss out on drama performances, or school sports day because other parents want pictures.

My DC had to miss out on things outside of school due to photos that couldn't be controlled, it would have been really unfair to miss out in school too.

I'm guessing Peaches is on Reddit or Tattle just doing a complete wind up here.

Surely being that ignorant and narcissistic isn't normal.