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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if this is even worth it anymore and I may as well give up and claim benefits

225 replies

Iopaaa · 11/07/2023 10:41

I’m so fed up. I don’t know what to do. I don’t live a lavish lifestyle. I earn after tax 3,700 a month. My mortgage is 1,100, cheap for the area, nursery fees are 1,400, bills around 500 a month including council tax, but more when it’s winter and need heating. Running the car and buying food wipes out the rest. Not entitled to child benefit. Ex pays 575 a month which goes on wraparound care. What’s the point? For loads of stress at work? I know people think well that’s life and that’s what life costs but the hours I put in to my job and the stress and responsibility I have to bring in this amount only to run out of money every month just makes me want to give up, get a crappy job without stress. Has anyone actually done this? I honestly don’t see the point anymore.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 11/07/2023 10:42

You think benefits will pay your mortgage?

Housekeeperbatcocoa · 11/07/2023 10:43

You sound totally burned out! Would it be mire economical to go part time? Childcare is so expensive these days!

EmeraldFox · 11/07/2023 10:44

You would have considerably more stress struggling to make ends meet. You would get nothing towards housing.

GwinCoch · 11/07/2023 10:45

Your take home on benefits wouldn’t be anywhere near £3,700 which is a very good wage. Plus jobs aren’t just about money, they are about structure, routine and discipline. I think you’re tired and fed up which is totally normal, maybe book some time off and have a bit of a reset. The grass is not greener on benefits.

Hayfeverseasonalready · 11/07/2023 10:46

Benefits won't pay your mortgage, obviously. This is the second post about this in 2 days 🤔

Hugasauras · 11/07/2023 10:46

Nursery fees are a short term thing, so focus on getting through those years as best you can. I can't think benefits would be a decent way to live. Would they even pay your mortgage let alone everything else?

rubyslippers · 11/07/2023 10:46

Benefits won’t pay your mortgage
you sound exhausted
working also gives you NI and pension contributions helping you in the future, skills so you can progress in your career etc

could you look at changing your work pattern to compressed hours so you get a day off in the week
can you take some annual leave to decompress and recharge

stopping working will not help and eddying your income won’t either
does your ex have your child at all?

Jellycatspyjamas · 11/07/2023 10:47

How much do you think you’ll get in benefits?

Wimbo · 11/07/2023 10:48

You sound exhausted and sure it wasn’t the intention of your post but this sort of thinking (and people acting on it) means more people vote for benefit cutting governments and more people who should be receiving benefits as they genuinely can’t work are denied it. It won’t end well.

I’d wonder on what grounds you’d qualify for benefits anyway tbh, don’t know much about it.

unicornhair · 11/07/2023 10:50

Benefits will pay you nothing compared to your earnings.
Nursery fees get reduced and then disappear. That’s £1400 you won’t pay.

Is your work flexible, can you find a job that is more flexible for the same/more money. Spend more time WFH, can do of the school runs when they start, just pay for school wrap rounds.

It gets better, just difficult at this stage.

caffelattetogo · 11/07/2023 10:50

Do you think you could live on £84.80 a week JSA? And a similar amount for a housing allowance?

shivawn · 11/07/2023 10:57

It sounds shit OP, I get where you're coming from. It's the nursery fees that are killing you. Try to focus on the fact that they won't be this high for long.

35965a · 11/07/2023 10:58

If you want to get harassed to death by the job centre then go on and give it a go

Original poster
Iopaaa · 11/07/2023 11:08

i don’t have any time in the home I’m paying for as im constantly rushing around trying to juggle meetings etc and it just feels so pointless. It is so much responsibility to earn that much that I will probably lose my job anyway at this rate. It’s all too much and I can’t enjoy life as there’s literally not ten quid left over.

OP posts:
x2boys · 11/07/2023 11:08

caffelattetogo · 11/07/2023 10:50

Do you think you could live on £84.80 a week JSA? And a similar amount for a housing allowance?

Well it wouldn't be just that as she has a child
But its certainly nor anywhere near what's she's earning now.

loislovesstewie · 11/07/2023 11:22

I think lots of working parents are in similar situationsOP, when my kids were young we were always chasing our tails. We rarely had money left over at the end of the month, even an unexpected bill caused huge issues. When we no longer had to pay for full time childcare it improved, and when we no longer had to pay for childcare at all it improved again. In the meantime we had both moved a bit up the pay scales, so again it improved. I don't know when you will be free of child care bills but it might be a case of hanging on till then.

SoSadForCav · 11/07/2023 11:23

@Iopaaa you sound (understandably) exhausted.

Does your Ex have the children at all? If not, why not? Is the money he pays CMS? Can you explain how it barely covers wrap around care & ask him to do more or pay more?

Any family that could maybe have them occasionally?

Being blunt!...Giving up your job would be a monumentally stupid thing to do. It's very hard now but things will soon improve once the youngest gets more 'free' hours and once the youngest is at school too things will improve hugely.

being on benefits isn't as cushy as you think. It's also very stressful & you have no control.

it sounds like you have a decent job, try to embrace the future benefits of having it! Look at how to climb that ladder. Look at what would make you feel more excited by the future prospects.

Lastly & bluntly!! Why does it feel 'pointless'??

you brought (at least) two kids into this world, it's NOT pointless to do a job that houses, feeds & clothes them. It's an obligation!

AlwaysTheSupplierNeverTheBride · 11/07/2023 11:24

How much do you think you'd get in benefits?!

Run a benefit calculator check, come back and tell us what you'd get...
benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/

DoAWheelie · 11/07/2023 11:25

Benefits won't give you even half of that. Probably closer to a third. You'll be even worse off and will lose the house as you only get housing money for rent.

I'm on benefits getting the highest possible rate of everything as I have multiple disabilities and very high care costs and I get nothing close to what you are on right now

SoSadForCav · 11/07/2023 11:26

Why don't you get anytime in the house? What hours do you work? What meetings are you juggling 7 days pw?

FrivolousTreeDuck · 11/07/2023 11:27

I can understand people on min wage or near to it feeling like this, but your earnings are significantly above what you would receive in state benefits.

Humidititties · 11/07/2023 11:28

So with your exes payment, you're getting £4,274/month and you think you'll be better on benefits?

ladyvivienne · 11/07/2023 11:29

The problem isn't your income.

It's your lack of budgeting!

How does someone with £3700 coming in have no money left at the end of the month? What on earth are you spending it on?

put a breakdown on and we will all show you where to have more than a tenner left a month.

Original poster
Iopaaa · 11/07/2023 11:30

ladyvivienne · 11/07/2023 11:29

The problem isn't your income.

It's your lack of budgeting!

How does someone with £3700 coming in have no money left at the end of the month? What on earth are you spending it on?

put a breakdown on and we will all show you where to have more than a tenner left a month.

@ladyvivienne I’ve explained what it’s spent on in my OP

OP posts:
BMW6 · 11/07/2023 11:33

What on earth do you think life on benefits is like - for your children if not for yourself?

You'd have to sell the house and presumably your ex would be entitled to some of the equity.

You'd have to find a private rental which would cost as much as the mortgage (if not more) so You'd have no security of tenure. You may only be able to afford a shitty house in an awful area.

You won't have nursery fees to pay, you'll be spending all day with them doing what you can on the cheap.

Don't be stupid. Take a holiday from work to destress but don't ruin your and your children's futures.