To wonder if this is even worth it anymore and I may as well give up and claim benefits

[Iopaaa]

I’m so fed up. I don’t know what to do. I don’t live a lavish lifestyle. I earn after tax 3,700 a month. My mortgage is 1,100, cheap for the area, nursery fees are 1,400, bills around 500 a month including council tax, but more when it’s winter and need heating. Running the car and buying food wipes out the rest. Not entitled to child benefit. Ex pays 575 a month which goes on wraparound care. What’s the point? For loads of stress at work? I know people think well that’s life and that’s what life costs but the hours I put in to my job and the stress and responsibility I have to bring in this amount only to run out of money every month just makes me want to give up, get a crappy job without stress. Has anyone actually done this? I honestly don’t see the point anymore.

The op has said she has around £620 for shopping after bills and petrol

Grit your teeth and just plough on through childcare years. They soon pass. Then you will be better off. If you give your job up now when we might have a recession coming you would be mad. Life on benefits would be miserable. They won't pay mortgages either.

I think you have to think of this phase in your working life as a “loss leader”. Childcare fees are not forever and once they are out of the way it will make a difference. I do agree that your mortgage is a lot, is there any way you could release the equity from your house by selling and then buy a smaller place, or a doer-upper which would reduce that cost. Also have you thought about getting a weekday lodger?

As to you giving up work, yes sadly YABU. If this is a serious question do some research and work out what you’d be entitled to. It’s not much. Plus you’d probably have to sell your house and have it repossessed.

Only other suggestion- could you work compressed hours, so you have a day off every week/ 2 weeks and can then save on childcare costs? It may mean working some evenings though to make up the hours.

If you cook spag bol for one night upping the quantity to make it for 4 takes no more energy and frees up nights most working mums still cook after a full day and care for lo at the same time....parenthood in early years equals exhaustion surely that's a given.

The issue is the childcare costs. They don't last forever. I have a 15 year old, haven't paid any childcare costs for the past 4 years, it frees up so much money.

Benefits would not pay your mortgage so that's not the answer.

Hugs OP. It’s shit when you work hard, earn what on paper looks ok, but struggle to make ends meet. It’s also tough, mentally and emotional, being a single mom to a child so young. They need you for everything and the pressure is intense.

No advice, just hugs and positive thoughts and words

xx

Agree with this and other posts around childcare costs being a temporary thing. Sounds as though you are right in the middle of the worst time, Op. It will get better.

Can't start new Tax credit claim now unless already on a type of TC. Would be UC...with work commitments...and maybe a sanction to start if you had quit your job...and at best only a loan to help with mortgage interest,not capital.

I think people are being too harsh. I sympathise to an extent OP, it is hard being a single parent and paying that much in childcare for you to go to work and having not much disposable at the end of it. But life on benefits is foul. I’m a disabled single parent, who is unable to work at this current moment and although I get disability top ups, it is still an awful way to live. I think you’re completely burnt out but at the end of it, you’re going to own your home (most people on benefits will never have that luxury). You’re able to spend a decent amount on food shopping which a lot of benefit claimants have to use food banks or live off minimal foods without luxuries. You’re able to have that money to be able to pay bills, which for a lot of us we have to get ourselves in debt just to pay for our bills. Like stated, I sympathise with your situation as it cannot be easy but being on benefits is also hard. I really hope it gets easier for you OP, especially when your child/ren is in school that costs won’t be as high.

I bet you could shop around and get your food and phone bills lowered. I'm in the middle of doing this. Once my current month's mobile allowance ends, I'm moving providers to a much cheaper SIM-only contract. I'll save money going onto a water meter as well, although you should check whether that will work for you as it depends on how much you use. Likewise, shop around for cheaper car insurance.

Your service providers punish you for loyalty with bigger bills.

That's going to interesting for all the shops etc round my way that offer 16 hours jobs on NMW. These employers literally rely upon the top-up benefits system.

The childcare years are shit for money

Is there any way ex can pay more? - he's not even covering half of the nursey fee.

Don't give up work, once this 3 year period is over, you will hopefully have more disposable income. Giving up work is not the answer

Having been on both sides of the fence, neither is without stress and hardship.
Working full time you constantly feel like you're letting everyone down. You might miss things or forget stuff like when they have to take in swimming kit. You're constantly chasing your tail. I work so hard to afford a house I spend two hours a night in. Plus I constantly try to make up for being a less than present parent by buying stuff and experiences.
On benefits I felt powerless. You have generally no control about whether you will or won't be paid. Brown envelope dread. Relentless overpayments. If you rent then you have no control over when housing repairs will be done, how they are done or if they will be done. You can't move when you want. It's actually really hard to get back into work from benefits as they won't pay you childcare in advance so you have to find the money upfront in order to be reimbursed.
Also no money for anything.
I would choose work. I don't know anyone who has willingly chosen the above as a lifestyle choice.

Are you utilising tax free childcare?
Are you aware the government are changing childcare help from next September? I think you will get some free hours from then.

I think you sound burnt out. Daft question but do you have a friend in a similar situation? Taking it in turns to cook for one another twice a week and provide leftovers for the next day may help alleviate some of the rushing about. It means 3/4 meals a week are taken care of. Plus companionship and something to enjoy.

I have been there op - no benefits, in the office with wrap around care from 7:45 til 6.30 .
It really sucks but the suggestion above may help a tiny bit.

Id stick it out op. Batch cook if you can (more work on the weekend but less in the week), it sucks but it will get better as child care cost reduce.

Unfortunately you don't have as much left at the end of the month as you would like due to your outgoings being so high. Near on £2000 a month for childcare is an insane amount of money.

Is there no way of reducing your hours at work so that instead of paying that £2000 and working long hours, you can instead earn a bit less and be at home a bit more? To me, it doesn't make sense to work full time and have half your wage go on childcare.

I know you said your mortgage is cheap for your area and perhaps I am completely naive on mortgage costs but £1,100 a month makes my eyes water. Is there no way to downsize if there's just you and your child?

£500 bills a month isn't too bad. How much do you spend on food per week?

Just as a comparison, I'm on benefits and bring in around £1500 a month. That is for 3 people and out of that I have to pay my bills, rent, food, travel etc. It's not fun being on benefits if I am honest and I would love to have the option of working and having a career.

PP made a good suggestion saying to keep a log of everything you spend in the month down to the penny and you'll be surprised where you could make some savings.

Also op can we help you with reducing your direct debits or easy batch cooking ideas (so when you cook chilli for example you cook 4 x the amount and eat one each week for the month). There are some amazingly resourceful people on here.

I know what you mean - when my dds were pre school, I worked such long hours in a stressful job that they needed a nanny. I rented in London at the time and with the cost of rent, transport and childcare I worked out I would actually be better off on benefits although I earned a six figure salary.

however I stuck it out because it’s not forever and it does get better. Now I have a well paid but less stressful job and dds don’t need as much childcare.

best wishes op - you will get through this.

Good luck with that!

I think that the best option would be for you to suggest to your employer that you will spend some time WFH or will flex, but that you can't continue with the wrap around

If you got rid of that, or reduced it by juggling your days/hours it would free up up to around £500 per month

£5 an hour? Over double that around here (Greater London)

You sound burnt out, but it will get easier, and your situation sounds about normal for a single mum of young kids with a fairly decent job and income.

I hope you can find some help with kids, have a holiday from work ,and refresh a bit. This will pass.

How many kids do you have OP?

About bloody time!

I understand exactly what you mean OP. I am a lone parent to two children with disabilities. I earn 6 figures but in order to do that I have to live in a relatively expensive area. They can't cope with group childcare so have to have nannies. This means childcare and mortgage take up the vast majority of my salary. No discounts, no child benefit, no help whatsoever. I am also disabled myself.

If I had never bothered, never studied or worked or worked 90 hours per week before children to build this career, never bought a house, we would be substantially better off. We'd get rent paid for us and the vast majority of childcare paid for us but actually wouldn't need it as I wouldn't be working! We'd get UC and uplifts to that for the disabilities plus carer's allowance and child benefit etc etc... I calculated it all and we'd have £1000 more per month left than we do now after tax, childcare, and bills. And I would actually be able to spend time with my children and repair my own health a bit.

It is an absolute joke. If you work and contribute then you are kicked in the face as a thank you and if you actually need any of the services that you've paid tax for, for all of these years, you are told "no, sort it out yourself".

The whole "16 hours" thing went a long time ago so not sure why places are advertising it. That was a tax credits thing, Universal Credit rules are completely different.