To wonder if this is even worth it anymore and I may as well give up and claim benefits

[Iopaaa]

I’m so fed up. I don’t know what to do. I don’t live a lavish lifestyle. I earn after tax 3,700 a month. My mortgage is 1,100, cheap for the area, nursery fees are 1,400, bills around 500 a month including council tax, but more when it’s winter and need heating. Running the car and buying food wipes out the rest. Not entitled to child benefit. Ex pays 575 a month which goes on wraparound care. What’s the point? For loads of stress at work? I know people think well that’s life and that’s what life costs but the hours I put in to my job and the stress and responsibility I have to bring in this amount only to run out of money every month just makes me want to give up, get a crappy job without stress. Has anyone actually done this? I honestly don’t see the point anymore.

People like the OP are hilarious.

They don’t live in the real world and think they are poor. Taking home over £44k a year and getting another £7k in their hand from the ex and still moaning.

That’s £1k a week in their hand.

OP you are wrong, you are loaded compared to most people so get over yourself.

It’s not her lack of budgeting, it’s just very expensive to live as a single parent. Your childcare will reduce considerably in a small space of time though OP? And if your take home is 37500k you should be getting child benefit?

So you have £4275 (including ex's payment) - £1100 on mortgage, £1400 on nursery fees and £500 on bills. That leaves you with £1275/month - surely food and car costs don't amount to that much

You have £1275 after everything is paid, for two of you, one of whom is a baby/toddler?

Or maybe £700 if the £575 for wraparound care is on top of the nursery fees?

Sure that's not a lot. But it's enough. You wouldn't have £700 spare on benefits, and you'd have to rent somewhere as well which would likely be more than your mortgage.

This is short term pain for long term gain, I promise. If you can cut your hours (and know that you won't be picking up stuff outside of your actual hours!) then do so - an extra day with baby and without nursery fees will do you the world of good. But don't quit. That would be a monumentally daft thing to do.

Ex pays 575 a month which goes on wraparound care.

What does this mean?? You've counted nursery fees already from your income.

@ChiefWiggumsBoy yes 700 left after wraparound. How is that manageable with petrol costs and food?! 20 a week minimum on petrol. The rest for food clothes toothpaste etc basically all supermarket stuff.

Round here lota of nurseries do 9-5 as their standard hours. Anything outside of that is classed as wrap around care.

I presume there’s more than one child?
I think what she saying is the nursery, wrap around and car are largely required only because she works.

Being pedantic but if you're writing the number out in full you don't include the k because it mens a much higher number. 1k vs 1000 vs 1000k the first two mean the same but the last is decidedly different!

if your take home is 37500k

Taking home over £44k a year

Where are these numbers coming from? OP takes home £3700 pcm

I think there is a benefit maximum limit which means that even people with 10 children can't get more than £2000 or something a month and that includes their rent which you wouldn't get. Don't make any rash decisions not based on fact. Check what you would be able to get and you may feel better realising you have a lot coming in. Childcare costs will reduce soon and you'll get to keep more of your earnings.

If you are feeling desperate I would look at making changes. Perhaps you would feel better with a different job, moving somewhere cheaper or changing your mortgage to interest only for the years with young children or changing childcare provider.

You're delusional if you think you will get anywhere near that on benefits. Approx £1000 maybe so you can kiss goodbye to your house as they won't pay your mortgage.

You get at least twice as much as the average worker and have maybe £1300 left over after all your bills. I'm struggling to see the issue.

Whoops try again.

if your take home is 37500k

Taking home over £44k a year

Where are these numbers coming from? OP takes home £3700 pcm. That's a salary of over £60k, not counting any pension payments or other stuff.

Actually @Iopaaa - are you claiming childcare vouchers?

What size of house do you live in? Could you downsize to reduce the mortgage and bills?

You could then find a slightly less well paid job with less stress.

Sorry to hear you're struggling and IMO your ex isn't paying nearly enough. But trying to maintain the house etc sounds crippling and something has to give. I appreciate it may be undesirable but seems the only possible way.

Personally work is also about self esteem so don't give that up as it sounds like you've a good job.

Think of the £1400 spare you'll have when you're not paying nursery fees. Nursery fees are temporary. If you think you'll be better off on benefits go for it. I think you'll be extremely surprised though.

I’m not saying I would receive the same amount in benefits. I’m saying what’s the point in all this exhaustion when I don’t see a penny of my earnings.

Going on benefits isn’t the answer but I sympathise that you are working hard for a good wage and it’s being swallowed up on basics. Contrary to what people seem to think on here, it’s ok to think that if you work full time for a good wage that you should be able to afford to have a nice lifestyle. It’s a race to the bottom sometimes on here.

@SamanthaCaine i have looked into cheaper places to live but sadly 1k a month mortgage seems to be a good deal from what I can see. Even if I downsized I would pay stamp duty again. I’ve just had enough.

I really feel for you. I really understand that having a stressful job can really not seem worth it. I think you're on around 64k pa, are there other jobs your area with more flexible working options? Perhaps then you could reduce your childcare costs?

I know it doesn't seem like it now but childcare costs do decrease in the future. If you are in a skilled area, you might be in a good position to change your work place for a less stressful one as well.

Best of luck

@Mariposa26 thanks for your understanding, that’s exactly it x

@TankFlyBossW4lk thanks. Dc only 16 months so feels a long way off!

Mariposa26 · Today 11:44
Going on benefits isn’t the answer but I sympathise that you are working hard for a good wage and it’s being swallowed up on basics. Contrary to what people seem to think on here, it’s ok to think that if you work full time for a good wage that you should be able to afford to have a nice lifestyle. It’s a race to the bottom sometimes on here.

This.

We're a low wage economy. It's a disaster for working people in the UK.

I don't think you'll Get benefits to help with your mortgage

Why are you paying all the nursery fees yourself? You're paying £1975 a month in childcare fees? Have you looked at whether part time makes more sense?

@Toniii because ex’s maintenance is only 500ish. He won’t pay more. If I went part time I am not sure, I will look into it though