To wonder if this is even worth it anymore and I may as well give up and claim benefits

[Iopaaa]

I’m so fed up. I don’t know what to do. I don’t live a lavish lifestyle. I earn after tax 3,700 a month. My mortgage is 1,100, cheap for the area, nursery fees are 1,400, bills around 500 a month including council tax, but more when it’s winter and need heating. Running the car and buying food wipes out the rest. Not entitled to child benefit. Ex pays 575 a month which goes on wraparound care. What’s the point? For loads of stress at work? I know people think well that’s life and that’s what life costs but the hours I put in to my job and the stress and responsibility I have to bring in this amount only to run out of money every month just makes me want to give up, get a crappy job without stress. Has anyone actually done this? I honestly don’t see the point anymore.

Spoken like someone that's never had to live life relying on benefits.
My dad is like you. He thinks we are rolling in it, with our shitty benefit top ups, whilst he brings in a decent wage with only himself to support and a mortgage to pay that is about a third of what we pay in rent.

Despite what the rags tell you, benefits aren't great. They are awful.
I'm barely living my life at the moment, we are on the bones of our arse, despite my partner working every hour given.

But by all means, give up you good job and rely on benefits. See what it's like.
Should be a laugh.

But you do see a penny? Many pennies?
You have a nice place to live in which you own.
You are able to spend £700 a month on petrol and food from the supermarket? For only 2 of you.
we spend that much for a family of 5 including 3 teens eating adult portions.
Many people spend far far less.

I have a 1.3 engine. Bought the car when I was doing low value contracts as I needed a small car that still did busy A Roads and Motorways. The car isn’t a prestige car, it gets me laughed at, but it’s safe, I can fit the entire family plus luggage into it. I can drive 50-60 miles a week.

I think seeing if you can reduce your hours, even a little, might help.

The childcare is the biggest issue.

Are you currently working more hours than you are contracted to because of the pressure? Once you take a pay cut to work less hours it really focuses you on not working more than you are paid for.

If you could even do a 9 day fortnight it would help with costs.

Are there any other options such as trying to not use wraparound so much and do an hour from home in the evening after little one is in bed?

I know it feels hopeless at the moment, and believe me, I've been angry and frustrated and sad watching others be at home with their DC on benefits while I felt I was missing out. The reality is that longer term working is better and I am sure they also had stresses, just different ones.

You are utterly clueless.
I am TOTALLY exhausted from the day, running my household, keeping the house in order, going to various doctors appointments, school events, helping with homework, trying to make ends meet with the scraps we are thrown in benefits.
My mental health is shot to pieces, I've never been this close to doing something stupid in my life.
But it's fine because I can just lounge around my home enjoying my abundance of 'free time'.
I had more free time and less stress when I worked full time and didn't get benefits.

Yet another person that thinks we can just sit around 'enjoying our time' If we are on benefits.

How are intelligent adults this bloody naive!?

I'm on benefits with one child and I get rent paid and 638.32 a month. Then child benefit is 24 a week.

That's to pay for all food, bills, travel, two people's clothes, toys, Christmas, birthdays and day in day out activities for her as I can't get much childcare as not been able to find work that fits.

If you have two children you might get about an extra 150 a month UC on top of that and half the child benefit on top. Nothing more with UC for three.

As you're saying your bills are 500 a month, you would be left with around £230 a month for everything else, although you would get a council tax discount for being low income and single adult household. You would currently get some help with winter bills, like the cost of living payments, but your bills would be higher as you'd be stuck indoors all the time. Or your travel expenses would go up from trying to find activities to do all day with your little one, and you'd have to constantly have a day's worth of meals prepped, for both of you, to keep you out of the house in the winter with heating costs.

Once my child starts school I'll be hoping to work and change things around. I'd love to be working and not parenting non stop and finding things to do on a tiny budget, with all the children's centres funding cut and minimal affordable groups/clubs for an under five year old.

You wouldn't get benefits anyway, as you'd have to sell your house or rent it out and you can't get benefits with over 16k in savings. They cap it once you've got 6k in savings anyway. The rent from you renting out your house may or may not be classes as income, not sure how they work that out with mortgage costs and if they award the rent part of UC if you've already got a property which you own.

Unfortunately many women feel that are just financially treading water during the early years when you are juggling everything and don't get any free hours. You should get 30 hours free after your DC turns three, although that probably sounds a long way off.

I've found it difficult to give my job mental space since having DC and have often thought about binning it off and getting one that requires less thought/ stress. I get it. Ultimately it doesn't make sense for a short (ish) term problem.

People who work also have to run a household, cleaning, shopping, Dr's appointments etc as well as work, yes it is exhausting.

I completely relate to your sentiment OP. I am a full time primary school teacher and work, under high stress, often 60 hours a week. My take home pay is just over 2 grand a month which just about covers mortgage, bills, food, petrol and after school childcare. (I’m a widowed parent). I am literally scraping by from month to month with nothing left at the end. My job takes so much of me and for what? However, were I to quit, my living expenses would barely decrease and I know I’d earn a lot less on benefits. It’s a crap situation.

Isn't childcare changing this year so you get more free hours?

Do you use the tax free childcare account?

YABU to start a post where instead of asking for help to make things more manageable for yourself financially, you attempt to bring living on benefits into it in an attempt to insinuate they have it made.
You say that you don’t see a penny of your money but of course you do. You have a secure home, a car, qualified people to care for your child in a safe environment, food(which if the figures on here are correct. it seems like you could easily spend less on).

£20 a week on petrol works out around £86 a month across 52 weeks of the year, so that would leave you £614 for food/supermarket shops for the month.

Who else lives with you then for there to not even be a tenner left, besides you and you 16m old?

I take home considerably less and aside from child benefit get no help at all. What a pity party you have going on.

That sounds really hard, don’t let it break you down.

get a crappy job without stress. Has anyone actually done this?
No because they don't exist. "crappy jobs" are just that, same stress, less cash.

You’ll get less than half of that on benefits.

Good luck to you.

I get it OP I really do. I'm a single parent and responsible for all household finances and it is draining. I earn a lot less than you but don't have nursery fees and my mortgage payments are less.
Recently I've switched to a WFH job rather than being out the house 8-6 and it has made so much difference in just two days. Washing is folded whilst listening into a meeting, washing up in lunch break, going to do twenty minutes of yoga in the time I would usually be commuting. Would that be an option?

What job do you do OP? Is there scope to move to another company for a payrise? Condense hours into four days? Nursery fees are a killer, I sympathise. They do reduce though. I had a bigger household income than you, but much higher mortgage and nursery fees. Life is so expensive now. There were days when depending on what times I had to be in meetings etc, it cost me more to work than not (two kids in nursery at same time, plus emergency childcare costs). Cost does go down.

Are you buying clothes from new?

If so then yes I can easily see where your money is going also look at meal planning.
I buy my children's clothes from NCT nearly new sales twice a year I get bulk of 6 months clothing (summer then winter) for £100 for 2 children including shoes.
Food wise what are you making? Batch cooking cuts food bills, I cook 1 large roast chicken a week that does 3-4 dinners once I have stripped it down and then do another larger cut of meat. Its cut a lot off my food bill and also speeds up cooking times.
Toothpaste etc go to B&M or home bargains it's a lot cheaper.

Your post was never going to go down well op.

You're just fed up. I get it. Money comes in, it all goes out and at the end of the month you think why the fuck did I bother?

You bother for the home that you own.
The peace of mind of employment.
Your pension.
Your other work benefits - paid annual leave and whatever else you get.
Maintaining your employability.
Having the luxury of £700 a month to spend in a supermarket rather than scraping by on less than half that.

Your nursery costs are temporary. In 5 years time you'll be in a much better position if you keep your job than if you throw it all in.

Yes also feeling exactly the same. Earning £2,000 a month at the moment as a junior Dr for long hours and high risk. I calculated the other day once I remove my mandatory professional fees and £££ petrol costs (for a job an hour away that I have been flung to as a number on a spreadsheet) I am earning £1,800 a month. So less than I did as a science graduate in 2010 walking into my first job.

DC also 16 months and having a real crisis of “why the fuck am I doing this?” While lying awake at night worrying about how the fuck I’m supposed to juggle everything and not harm anyone in the process. I include my family in here!

I totally understand, the early years are exhausting and expensive. Then they go to school and it is really tricky with childcare.
I don’t think you really want to be on benefits, you just want a break and a few £’s to enjoy. Does your ex look after your DC at all?
Don’t go part time where you are, unless you definitely drop your workload. I found I got paid less but worked full time.
There are some simple things you can do like extend your mortgage term or ask for a payment break. Can you wfh and reduce the hours DC is at nursery? Some at my work catch up the odd hour in the evening if DC goes to bed early enough.
It definitely gets easier, I am so glad I carried on working, I now work full time again and have had a few decent promotions. My DC are late teenagers now and it has been easier for a long time now.
I hope you find a way to work it out.

Are you utilising tax free childcare?
Have you looked into using a childminder instead of a nursery? In my experience they work out quite a bit cheaper than nurseries.

I think you need to reassess your life a little.

It’s a good idea to tell your boss/HR you aren’t coping. Do you always work in an office, is there any scope for WFH one day a week and picking DC up earlier? Some way of changing your working times? Could you drop a day for a few months.
Sometimes it can be good to go on the sick with stress as it triggers the process. It can help you see clearly what you need to do.

I think you need to look over your finances, because you are short of time are you spending a lot of money on convenience foods? It’s a lot
of money for one adult and one toddler I think you might need to meal plan more and if DC is eating at nursery might only need something light in the evening. You can’t buy lunch, you can’t buy drinks, takeaways. Need to find a new pattern of thinking.
Are you getting your groceries delivered? It’s an hour a week you can save doing that.
Can you take a mortgage break or go on interest only for a few months.

Within a year you will be getting reduced nursery fees and maybe even DC out of nappies which is another saving. The year after you will be, then DC will be in school. In a few years you will be back on your feet.