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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not like my DH physique anymore

250 replies

ShallowAsF · 10/07/2023 22:00

It hasn't changed since we met so the issue is all mine. He has unusual body shape proportions, which I won't describe here in case it's outing, but I think they are very noticeable.
My issue is I have become obsessed..... I wonder what was I thinking when we got together, why I suppressed my true feelings about his body shape (telling myself at the time it was shallow, and to focus on other more important elements- like personality)... I compare his body shape constantly to others (unfavourably). I wonder if other people notice what I do and judge him and if I'm honest, me. I can see that my children have possibly inherited the same body shape from him, and I'm constantly scanning their peers for evidence that my children have this unusual body shape too, that they are different from peers. I worry that they will be judged somehow, that they will find teen years difficult if others notice and point it out.

This is not normal is it. I'm definitely being unreasonable. No one has ever commented on DH body shape to me. My DH does not have a problem with how he looks whatsoever . It's not a health issue - purely bone structure and proportions. The issue is all me. I've turned judgy and shallow and am probably projecting my feelings onto others.

I don't know what I'm expecting from Mumsnet. Maybe just somewhere to vent as I'm not going to talk about this in real life. It's exhausting, shallow and I'm a bitch.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 10/07/2023 22:05

You’re not a bitch. Don’t talk about yourself like that. You are quite obsessed with this one thing and there must be something behind it. Any ideas at all what it might be? How do you feel about him beyond this one aspect? The stuff about your DC and their peers is extreme and sounds like it’s really intrusive. Are you alright in yourself?

LarryandLeon · 10/07/2023 22:05

I wonder what’s changed to make you feel this way OP? If you were able to override it previously has something now shifted? Is it that you are spending less quality time with your OP so noticing his ‘flaws’ more?

MasterBeth · 10/07/2023 22:16

What do you mean? How is his body shape unusual?

Mirabai · 10/07/2023 22:18

It sounds to me like some kind of anxiety/obsessive thoughts issue - how are you feeling generally in your life? How do you feel about him? Have you stopped finding him attractive?

Cosycover · 10/07/2023 22:22

Unless he is the Michelin Man I don't see how a body shape could possibly be outing? Just tell us and we can answer better.

Dotcheck · 10/07/2023 22:24

Is this something he has control over ( ie weight) or something like really short legs and long body, or ultra narrow shoulders?

Wimbo · 10/07/2023 22:27

Cosycover · 10/07/2023 22:22

Unless he is the Michelin Man I don't see how a body shape could possibly be outing? Just tell us and we can answer better.

This. Are we talking Jeremy Clarkson pregnant belly and skinny legs or what?

LadyVictoriaSponge · 10/07/2023 22:34

There are so many body shapes I don’t see how your husband’s can be so unusual.

LightSpeeds · 10/07/2023 22:41

Have you 'gone off him' generally?

Toniii · 10/07/2023 22:43

At least you know you're being unreasonable and shallow.

Nowanextraone · 10/07/2023 22:46

I really doubt it would be outing

BranchGold · 10/07/2023 22:50

person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.’

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 10/07/2023 22:50

Toniii · 10/07/2023 22:43

At least you know you're being unreasonable and shallow.

Yep, I agree tbh

Wicksytricksy · 10/07/2023 22:54

Is he a centaur? That would be outing if so.

StellaJohanna · 10/07/2023 22:59

So - he has sloping shoulders or short legs - something like that - his proportions are off. It's strange that you never noticed it before - I would be asking myself - why am I just seeing it? Are you falling out of love?

StellaJohanna · 10/07/2023 22:59

BranchGold · 10/07/2023 22:50

person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.’

Wow - That is honestly so true.

Boomboom22 · 10/07/2023 23:02

What is it? I bet its fine. Even if they do have some of whatever shape it is probably balanced out by your shape no? 🤣

Blondey2023 · 10/07/2023 23:06

Wicksytricksy · 10/07/2023 22:54

Is he a centaur? That would be outing if so.

😂 that made me chuckle.

But OP it sounds like you don't fancy him anymore...

Isitsixoclockalready · 10/07/2023 23:08

BranchGold · 10/07/2023 22:50

person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.’

The Twits.

BibbleandSqwauk · 10/07/2023 23:10

@StellaJohanna she's quoting Roald Dahl

WTFAreYouForReal · 10/07/2023 23:13

I doubt it would be outing Hmm

My guess is incel chins.

RainyWeekend · 10/07/2023 23:33

I thought chin too.

EmmiJay · 10/07/2023 23:33

He's very narrow hipped and very board backed, isn't he? If so, he can't really change that tbh. Neither can your kids, but they're all your family so stop fretting and picking apart and enjoy them.

CherryCokeFanatic · 10/07/2023 23:34

Hard to judge without specific details OP

Sweetashunni · 10/07/2023 23:36

It’s impossible to say whether it’s a valid concern without a bit more detail. Can you give a description even if it’s vague?