To not like my DH physique anymore

[ShallowAsF]

It hasn't changed since we met so the issue is all mine. He has unusual body shape proportions, which I won't describe here in case it's outing, but I think they are very noticeable.
My issue is I have become obsessed..... I wonder what was I thinking when we got together, why I suppressed my true feelings about his body shape (telling myself at the time it was shallow, and to focus on other more important elements- like personality)... I compare his body shape constantly to others (unfavourably). I wonder if other people notice what I do and judge him and if I'm honest, me. I can see that my children have possibly inherited the same body shape from him, and I'm constantly scanning their peers for evidence that my children have this unusual body shape too, that they are different from peers. I worry that they will be judged somehow, that they will find teen years difficult if others notice and point it out.

This is not normal is it. I'm definitely being unreasonable. No one has ever commented on DH body shape to me. My DH does not have a problem with how he looks whatsoever . It's not a health issue - purely bone structure and proportions. The issue is all me. I've turned judgy and shallow and am probably projecting my feelings onto others.

I don't know what I'm expecting from Mumsnet. Maybe just somewhere to vent as I'm not going to talk about this in real life. It's exhausting, shallow and I'm a bitch.

Ewan McGregor has a bum chin, Will Carling has a polo chin. I don’t know what an incel chin is.

My hubby has a rather large gut which has gotten bigger lately and I've caught myself the odd time staring at and thinking Ew 😳 (its so hairy too lol). Then he kisses me and even after 9 years his kisses still make me fuzzy. He's my best friend and I love him so I see past the big gut. Point is we all notice cosmetic flaws in our OH, but we tend to ignore them because we love them. If you're noticing them to the point your obsessed I would think about looking deeper than physical appearance.
Christ I am covered in psorisas head to toe at the moment and so overweight compared to when we first met and my dh still grins like a looney and says sweet/sexy things when I'm getting changed 😂 Even with my spotty bum haha!
I hope you're okay, anxiety is exhausting.
If it helps, I have large front teeth (almost bugs bunny) and my dh has very small teeth with a lot of gaps between each tooth. Our 6yo has adult teeth coming in and she has my big front teeth and other teeth are tiny with big gaps. Best of both world 🙃 and I feel awful for her poor thing.

This is like listening to louts talk about women in the pub! Women parts, body parts, legs, tits, bums. That is all they are capable of.
If you are not attracted to someone anymore, just leave them. Why tear them apart for their appearance? Ffs, just divorce...sorted.

Blimey I wasn't expecting such a huge response.

Skimming through some of the replied it is clear that what we perceive as attractive or unattractive is so subjective. I'm not sure describing the physique will help the discussion.

But what has resonated :

The issue is in my head not with his body (although there is a physical issue, it's manifesting in intrusive thoughts)

I hadn't thought of it as a real mental health issue but comments referring to intrusive thoughts and obsessive thinking do relate... Plus the point that perhaps my thinking that it's outing to describe is a bit OTT.

Yes, there probably are some deeper issues at play. I may need to work on other feelings of resentment.

Peri-meno could be at play... Although I'm on hrt already so would have thought that should help.

Interesting all the suggestions about having therapy. Those read like quite perceptive comments. I've had it in the past, and know they like to look at patterns of thinking.... This definitely falls into previous patterns and I hadn't considered that.

I've had the ick in previous relationships and it has been the death knell. This just can't be though. There's more work to be done. We are getting on quite well really and do a good job together of raising the kids. But this obsession and many of the responses here have made me think I do need to do some work....

Thank you

Sorry for repetition... Typing as I think and didn't edit

Oh and I've thought about what if it was in reverse and he was the one thinking like this .. I'd be well miffed! He definitely has reason to as well - I've plenty of flaws myself

And I can't go through and name everyone on here, but so many of you are so wise and thoughtful. Thank you for being kind. I'm pleased I posted.

Frankly embarrassed for any adult posting that cringeworthy Roald Dahl quote. Absolute trite nonsense.

Lol. I have to agree with you.

I’ve always been under the impression that people post that quote because they want you to think they’re really really nice and would never think anyone was ugly as long as they had lovely thoughts…but as a PP pointed out earlier, really it just comes across as smug and lazy.

You're acting like he has a tail

oh gawd.........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Runs off to google incel chins 🤔😂

Are these a thing?!

I'm helpless 😂😂😂

You don’t seem to have a response to anyone responding to you so I think carduelis is right.

☺️

Good luck, and I hope you find the right therapist if you go down that route I'm glad that the thread you started was helpful for you. It makes a change round these parts!

Oh, good to hear you managed to sift through the thread and find what was useful to you, OP :)
If you're also struggling with resentment that will surely be a factor, too - even the loveliest of faces can become grating when its owner is being a dick.
You're not shallow.

Well I wish I hadn't googled incel chin because I ended up at the Incel wiki. Not a nice place.

OP I am glad you have gotten food for thought from this thread. :)

It's awful isn't it?

It implies that anyone who is physically unattractive must be an unpleasant person inside to look like that. Or they just aren't a lovely enough person to override their natural ugliness. I can never understand why people post it.

It also implies that people who do look nice (even if only radiating niceness rather than conventionally attractive) ARE nice.
Very often they're not.

I don’t think you have to take it as literally as that. I interpret it to mean that if you are a good, well intentioned non judgemental compassionate positive person you will radiate something ‘beautiful’ that will attract nice people to you. If you are nasty, judgemental always thinking negative thoughts about other people then you will radiate a darkness and repel good people.

That’s just a general principle, it’s not all encompassing covering every situation in life, eg nice people can still have someone take advantage of them etc.

yes, like Ted Bundy, apparently a lovely charming attractive man, with only one flaw, if only he wasnt a serial killer.

Turnip legs.