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Original poster

Skinny shaming

439 replies

Bobski123 · 10/07/2023 20:40

I was doing some moving and handling training for part of my job. The trainer required a volunteer, I offered and she said "Oh no not you, you're far too skinny."
She then chose a larger lady.
I get it's supposed to be some sort of compliment because being thin is 'desirable'.
However if she'd said "Not you, you're far too fat." She'd possibly be out of a job by now.
However it's ok to say the opposite.
I should've responded really.
It's like that meme going around with a picture of Sophia Loren and the caption "I'd rather eat pizza and drink wine than be a size 0."
A few of my colleagues posted it and I just think, yawn. They aren't mutually exclusive, ok, size 0 is very small but the point is you can enjoy pizza, wine whatever and still remain slim. I'm just over it.

OP posts:
Freepo · 10/07/2023 20:43

No one should comment negatively on anyone else’s body so YANBU in that sense, but I don’t agree it’s quite as bad as commenting on someone being fat. I’ve been overweight and I’ve been underweight and the difference in how you are treated is unbelievable. Society reveres thin women and abhors over weight women.

AliceOlive · 10/07/2023 20:45

This thread probably won't go well. But yes, it's a thing and it doesn't feel good at all. I don't think it's up to someone else to tell you how it feels, either.

Original poster
Bobski123 · 10/07/2023 20:45

Yes it's true unfortunately that people are very negative towards overweight people. However words like anorexic/bulimic are also thrown around, people are told 'you need to eat!' and are still shamed.
There'll never be a meme saying 'I'd rather live on lettuce and water than be a size 20."

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 10/07/2023 20:47

There'll never be a meme saying 'I'd rather live on lettuce and water than be a size 20."

Because the entire weight of the media is set up that way, you don't need memes.

No one should comment but there is massive evidence that thinner people get treated better most of the time. It's all a bit, "my diamond shoes are uncomfortable".

AuntyPonsonby · 10/07/2023 20:48

Anything negative about anyone's appearance, especially at work, especially in front of others, is wrong.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 10/07/2023 20:51

I'm relatively slim and used to be what is considered skinny. I used to get constant snark about my size but the moment I snapped back, I was unreasonable.

Slim seems to be desirable to many so they use it as an excuse to be rude/unkind/mean to anyone they deem to be the acceptable size.

Skinny shaming is so much more socially acceptable than fat shaming but it doesn't make the recipient of the shame feel any better or worse because it's socially acceptable.

AllOfThemWitches · 10/07/2023 20:51

Obviously she was rude but it's time people stopped pretending that 'skinny shaming' is the same as 'fat shaming.'

HunterHearstHelmsley · 10/07/2023 20:53

Bobski123 · 10/07/2023 20:45

Yes it's true unfortunately that people are very negative towards overweight people. However words like anorexic/bulimic are also thrown around, people are told 'you need to eat!' and are still shamed.
There'll never be a meme saying 'I'd rather live on lettuce and water than be a size 20."

Yep.

I was always told "you need to eat a sausage roll/doughnut" etc. It's absolutely not OK to say that anymore than it is to say "maybe you should lay off the sausage roll/doughnuts".

But the person making the first comment isn't the one hauled into a documented conversation.

Original poster
Bobski123 · 10/07/2023 20:53

The point is not whether overweight people are treated worse. Yes, they are. But that doesn't make it ok to skinny shame. Just because it 'isn't as bad' doesn't mean it should happen at all. That's not an excuse.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 10/07/2023 20:58

Bobski123 · 10/07/2023 20:53

The point is not whether overweight people are treated worse. Yes, they are. But that doesn't make it ok to skinny shame. Just because it 'isn't as bad' doesn't mean it should happen at all. That's not an excuse.

It's not an excuse. It is supposed to offer perspective.

AllOfThemWitches · 10/07/2023 20:58

Why'd you start banging on about being able to eat pizza, drink wine and stay slim then 😄

MammaGina · 10/07/2023 20:59

Can’t imagine that comment made the larger person feel great either. There was just no need for it.

Original poster
Bobski123 · 10/07/2023 21:00

That's true . The larger person made a joke, but it was just overall rude.

OP posts:
HunterHearstHelmsley · 10/07/2023 21:02

MammaGina · 10/07/2023 20:59

Can’t imagine that comment made the larger person feel great either. There was just no need for it.

This too.

Skinny is never meant as a compliment but obviously picking someone because they're larger is unpleasant also.

HangingOver · 10/07/2023 21:03

Feel free to borrow my standard reply if people are rude about you for being skinny "Shut up I could probably bench press you"

Often people think skinny people are weak and it's not necessarily true, look at rock climbers and acrobats... Often very lean but strong as hell 💪

eandz13 · 10/07/2023 21:04

How on earth is it not the same as fat shaming? It's hurtful, it's rude, it's embarrassing, it takes a hit on ones confidence.

I'm skinny shamed regularly, people seem to think it's free game to comment on it, especially completely random old folk in public places.

Allmyghosts · 10/07/2023 21:10

Tbh skinny shaming is like people being called out for their wealth. Both factions have no fucking clue what it's like to live as the opposite and take any slight as discrimination. Those not very vicious comments come as a wound because they are so used to being treated preferentially.

There was a (very rich) woman on here who fiercely argued that being rich didn't make you happy. I'd agree, but the arguments from her seemed to come from a place that being rich should by default insulate her from the negative. I don't think she realised that though, didn't accept that money would help in most dire situations you found yourself in. (can't remember who she was, had a picture of her drive as a profile pic, when they were a thing)

HunterHearstHelmsley · 10/07/2023 21:10

eandz13 · 10/07/2023 21:04

How on earth is it not the same as fat shaming? It's hurtful, it's rude, it's embarrassing, it takes a hit on ones confidence.

I'm skinny shamed regularly, people seem to think it's free game to comment on it, especially completely random old folk in public places.

Skinny in itself has negative connotations. We've all heard them.

You're skin and bones
Real women have curves
Men like some meat to hang on to

Darkmodeison · 10/07/2023 21:10

Happens to me a lot, I don't like being skinny but I run ultra marathons and it's the one place I feel at home! Feel very self conscious pretty much everywhere else though. Been told to get more meat on me, eat more cake, that I'm too skinny - not sure quite what for...it hurts and I hate it

Darkmodeison · 10/07/2023 21:11

Oh, being called a bag on bones in a yoga class was the highlight and it was by a good friend. It's just horrible 😔

AllOfThemWitches · 10/07/2023 21:11

eandz13 · 10/07/2023 21:04

How on earth is it not the same as fat shaming? It's hurtful, it's rude, it's embarrassing, it takes a hit on ones confidence.

I'm skinny shamed regularly, people seem to think it's free game to comment on it, especially completely random old folk in public places.

Because most people would rather be anything than fat.

Allmyghosts · 10/07/2023 21:13

All the skinny people complaining should be forced to wear a Susan Boyle suit for a month.

35965a · 10/07/2023 21:15

Having been at both ends of the skinny and fat spectrum, skinny shaming is just not the same as fat shaming. Not remotely.

TheoTheopolis23 · 10/07/2023 21:22

Ah yeah I've had this; such fun.

Friend's husband felt it necessary to say at a party (can't even remember the context but it was unprovoked as such: "there's not a pick on her!"

Another man at sailing club, when I was having trouble pulling my sailing dinghy in heavy metal trailer up sandy slope "Eat something!!!!!!".

I am in the middle of my weight range.

Friends wife is a 14 or maybe bigger - not something I give much thought to usually.

Sailing club nans wife is 16-18.

But I should "eat something" and haven't got a pick on me.

AllOfThemWitches · 10/07/2023 21:24

TheoTheopolis23 · 10/07/2023 21:22

Ah yeah I've had this; such fun.

Friend's husband felt it necessary to say at a party (can't even remember the context but it was unprovoked as such: "there's not a pick on her!"

Another man at sailing club, when I was having trouble pulling my sailing dinghy in heavy metal trailer up sandy slope "Eat something!!!!!!".

I am in the middle of my weight range.

Friends wife is a 14 or maybe bigger - not something I give much thought to usually.

Sailing club nans wife is 16-18.

But I should "eat something" and haven't got a pick on me.

And that all really upset you did it 😆

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