I'm paying all the bills

[Chickenwings85]

I'm currently paying all the household bills plus car bills - tax, insurance, petrol. We have one car that we share between us. I have very little left once everything is paid.
My husband is saving for a motorbike, and every spare penny he gets goes into his new bike fund. He has very little bills to pay and has much more left over than I do. I did suggest that he could contribute to bills and the rest goes into his bike savings but he just mumbled something and that was that.
With me being the one paying for absolutely everything, it's really starting to depress me. I would love to have money left over to be able to treat myself to something without having to scrimp and scrape. I don't remember the last time I treated myself to anything.
We have children together, and their needs for clothing, trips, school essentials, and any other extras all fall on me.
Should I talk to him about it, he will sulk for days on end and make the household unbearable.

Am I out of order to think his behaviour is totally selfish? And he needs to grow up and fast.

Omg I'd be asking him to leave!! How can he not give any money for any bills?!

He needs to be paying towards bills. That's more important than buying a motorbike.

And you are putting up with this why?

Completely unfair. Do you share the mortgage/rent? If so why isn't he splitting everything else?

I’d be telling him to get out.

How dare he not contribute to the household bills and put all his money into what he wants, leaving you with nothing. Then to have the nerve to sulk like a child when he’s asked to contribute. Utterly disgusting.

Does he pay for anything for the kids? Or does that all fall on you too?

You should both be paying your share and then what you each have left to spare(if there is anything) can then be saved up, spent on treats for the children, saved for a bike etc. if he isn’t contributing financially and he is sulky if you try to have an adult conversation with him, what are you getting from this relationship? OP it sounds like you are putting him first, where is he putting you?

Personal Savings come out of personal allowance after all bills and family savings have been shared equally by percentage and birthday/christmas gifts.

However, should you divorce, that motor bike becomes a marital asset and will have a cash value to be taken into account.

If he's not contributing, there's no point having him around, is there? It's not a partnership, and he's not providing as a parent should. If he goes into a sulk and refuses to contribute, invite him to look at how much living on his own will cost him.

This is financial abuse!

Given his attitude, I can't see a future for this marriage, unfortunately.

You might actually be better off divorced. You'd probably be entitled to at least 50% of ALL marital assets. Including pensions.

I'd collect all financial documentation and see a competent family solicitor

Why are you putting up with this? I don’t understand why he is not putting his children first before a motorbike. This sounds financially abusive. If you stopped paying bills and when he asked you about it would you get away with just mumbling something then it getting left at that?

That's absolutely ridiculous. WHY are you paying all the household bills, why isn't it 50/50 at least?

Oh come on, OP! How on earth did you get yourself into this situation?

He's shown you what he is - a totally selfish and self-absorbed man who won't take any responsibility for anything.

Either he stays and puts all of his money into the pot for as long as he's been ripping you off, and after that it's 50:50 on all bills, or he could pack his bags and get lost.

If he left you'd be better off - you wouldn't have to pay for his food and extras, you would get a council tax discount, he would have to pay child support, you might get universal credit top ups and best of all you wouldn't have to sit there resentfully while he plans what to do with his spare cash.

I know what I'd do.

I forgot to add that he sold his last bike to kick-start his bike fund. He has plenty of cash in his bike fund, but I'm left with a pittance, and I'm constantly worrying about money and how I'm going to afford everything without him dipping into his pocket to help.
I know what I need to do, I don't have anyone to talk to about it, which is why I'm here.
I'm so annoyed with him, myself, and the situation.

He sounds utterly selfish.

How can anyone sit there, building up their savings happily whilst their partner struggles to pay all the bills?

Has he ever contributed? Or does he really just expect to keep leeching off you?

I'm sorry op but this sounds close to financial abuse to me... I almost can't believe what I'm reading. Selfish doesn't even cut it.

What an utter cunt.

Not even paying for stuff for the kids!!

Kick him out - he will have to pay towards the kids then. Twat,

This is utterly ridiculous. It's not good enough for him to respond with a but of a mumble. Why did you let this go?

Time to lose the head. Ask him (politely at first) why he thinks it's reasonable that he gets to live virtually bill-free while you cover pretty much everything? Ask does that seem fair to him?

If he mumbles ask him to raise his voice and speak to you like an adult. Wait for his response. Most likely it won't be a reasonable one so it's then time to get a bit more assertive.

Tell him things are changing and that you will be contributing no more than half of everything in future.

Can't believe what I'm reading. Selling his bike is one thing, not contributing in the slightest is another thing. So he pays for absolutely NOTHING? Food, mortgage, any bills....I am blown away that you have put up with this. What does his money go on other than bike savings?

Frankly, I would expect half of the money in his bike fund to go in a family pot. Following this, he then needs to contribute 50/50. Who gives a damn if he sulks? He can walk out and bloody pay his own bills if he doesn't like it. You'll be richer for it - monetarily and emotionally!

How did this ever start? What happened when you first moved in together? What, you paid for everything and he paid for nothing? What about when kids came along?

Also, how long have you been together? Has it always been this way? Think of all the money you've sunk into this deadbeat...

I am shocked and don’t get how this set up came about and that he thinks it’s ok.

That is crazy unfair OP! Do you both work full-time? What is the earnings ratio?!
In our household, we equally pay the mortgage, council tax and car costs, then partner pays the utilities and bills, which is based on our income. He earns more than me as I’m part-time. If I suddenly told him to pick up all of the costs, I’d expect to her binned. Absolute CF behaviour.

Honestly it's a shame that you even have to ask.

It's not acceptable at all it's 50/50 and whatever is left that can be used for personal preferences. You shouldn't be left struggling to carry everyone.

He can sulk all he likes but the fact that you even have to ask him to share the bills is disgusting

He's a man-child who buys toys instead of providing for his family. That's completely unacceptable. Why do women put up with this sort of behavior? No man is that good in bed!

You need to tell him in no uncertain terms that the family expenses, which include all of the children's needs including outings and treats, will be split 50-50 and whatever is left over will be split 50-50 so each of you has an equal amount of money to do with as they wish. Anything less is exploitation, and no woman should accept that.