I'm paying all the bills

[Chickenwings85]

I'm currently paying all the household bills plus car bills - tax, insurance, petrol. We have one car that we share between us. I have very little left once everything is paid.
My husband is saving for a motorbike, and every spare penny he gets goes into his new bike fund. He has very little bills to pay and has much more left over than I do. I did suggest that he could contribute to bills and the rest goes into his bike savings but he just mumbled something and that was that.
With me being the one paying for absolutely everything, it's really starting to depress me. I would love to have money left over to be able to treat myself to something without having to scrimp and scrape. I don't remember the last time I treated myself to anything.
We have children together, and their needs for clothing, trips, school essentials, and any other extras all fall on me.
Should I talk to him about it, he will sulk for days on end and make the household unbearable.

Am I out of order to think his behaviour is totally selfish? And he needs to grow up and fast.

so what are man good for in a family? let's see they can't bare children, they can't breast feed, they tend to share less than half of the household chores and childcare responsibilities. now if they also don't contribute to the costs, what are they there for? not to say they are unlikely to be bringing any joy to the family when they behave like this. I don't mean to be harsh, but in this case they are better dead than alive to their family, as the insurance money is at least a contribution they can make.

This is not a marriage, he is using you as his Mum. Just starting to pay only 50% of the bills seems obvious to me but if you get nowhere and don't want to kick him out, just make sure the bike is put in your name - you're the one paying for it.

You need to talk urgently, this is not acceptable, what gives him the right to think he can live eat have hot water and a clean bed for free.
50/50 or 60/40 to the higher earner or what ever you end up agreeing, that includes clothes for all the family. That includes help around the house.
Get your facts up front, bills for last 12 months. Do not accept sulks,
I cant believe some people put up with this, stop being a door mat this is not the 1940s, i would of changed the locks.

If he is a biker, he should have got it all out of his system BEFORE getting married and having children. Why does he need a "bike fund"? They aren't expensive. What is he buying, a Ducati Panigale?? Anyway, it's a sign. He wants to do what he wants to do and will do it (and he expects you to pay). It's not right. He is acting like you are his mother and that will kill your love for him. Does he realise that, I wonder?
I worked for a couple once who had 4 children and owned a small hotel. He was like a spoilt brat showing off his new racing machine every year while his wife worked every waking hour and wrangled the little children. He wrapped one bike round a tree eventually and injuries very severe meant he needed care (from his wife, natch)
Honestly I would part company. Nothing against bikes - I have two myself but I don't have children relying on me!

I agree and would speak to Woman’s Aid as they will give you good advice and support.

I’m sorry what?? How has it got to the point where you are paying for everything and he pays for nothing?

Does he work? Who earns more. My husband and I have it split as a ratio. He earns more than me, thus pays more, but what we pay is in proportion to our earnings. How long has this been going on? Did he just stop paying for stuff? Has he ever paid?

i just have so many questions at this point.

Back payment of all the half bills he owes you now! And going forward,

You’ve got yourself a 24ct cocklodger there OP.

Kick him out. What a selfish, childish man. Ugh.

I'm totally shocked at your scenario OP! Why the hell doesn't he pay his share of the bills? Who gives a shit about his motorbike? He's got kids to feed and you deserve to enjoy your wages not spend the lot on supporting everyone else.

What's his problem, was he mollycoddled by his parents?

You know this is called financial abuse, right?

Is there anyone in his family, his parents etc who would tell him to start financially contributing to his family? But even so the fact that he can be so unbelievably selfish is reason enough to end this immediately. You can't go on like this.

Exactly, why?

But putting the positive first, you should never be afraid of leaving him, you are already a single mum, even if your older baby is just about the same age as you.

Honestly, you and your underage children would be so so better off without a manchild as a dad, if you think things are bad right now, wait until he gets the blooming motorbike, not only would you still be paying for everything but any free/spare time he has would be devoted to the bike.

Yes, you need to sort this one way or another.

Divorce. What else

Perhaps he needs reminding that yours is a partnership which means all expenses/savings are shared. He can then help with the family budget so he’s aware what’s left for the bike fund when financial responsibility is shared. I would treat his post discussion sulking as just plain boring and let him get on with it while sticking to your points on this. Be strong!

One question.

What mug is allowing this to happen?

You know the answer.

What are you? His Mother? Seriously... think about this. What's he bringing to the party here. Looks like NOTHING.

I would make a list of bills I was paying and the total each month. Give the list to him and tell him he is now responsible for half the amount. If he refuses, you need to decide if you want to continue being used. I would be done with the relationship if he refuses.

This is financial abuse. He is literally taking the piss and you are enabling it by not putting a line in the sand. Return his energy and lack of funds and see the castle crumble! I'm sorry you're under this kind of stress

Really ? This man is just taking advantage of your good nature . He should be taking care of the bills with you . He sounds very childish .

Why in Gods green earth are you putting up with this?

Have you always been a complete mug?

Two things striking me here:

1. As others have said - what happens about paying the mortgage? Does he pay his share to that? Presumably there were discussions on that - whether to buy a house? where to buy it? what it needed to be like etc? So there must have been rational two-way discussion about that then? (I'm assuming you own your home, rather than rent - as you have children....).
2. There must definitely have been rational two-way discussion about whether to have children and, if so, how many and when, followed by you both agreeing "Right - we'll have them and we'll aim for two (or whatever)".

What happened to the way you used to both have logical/rational discussions about those two Major Issues and any other Major Issue that has come up? Why has money management not had the same logical/rational discussion at the outset? Or wasn't there the "logical/rational discussion" about those other important issues either - and they just "happened"?

That's insane.

Is that all a man is for? To give a woman babies?

@VeterinaryCareAssistant

Why is splitting disposable income 50:50 'insane'?

This is actually a very fair way of managing money, especially if there are kids involved as one parent's work normally takes a hit