I'm paying all the bills

[Chickenwings85]

I'm currently paying all the household bills plus car bills - tax, insurance, petrol. We have one car that we share between us. I have very little left once everything is paid.
My husband is saving for a motorbike, and every spare penny he gets goes into his new bike fund. He has very little bills to pay and has much more left over than I do. I did suggest that he could contribute to bills and the rest goes into his bike savings but he just mumbled something and that was that.
With me being the one paying for absolutely everything, it's really starting to depress me. I would love to have money left over to be able to treat myself to something without having to scrimp and scrape. I don't remember the last time I treated myself to anything.
We have children together, and their needs for clothing, trips, school essentials, and any other extras all fall on me.
Should I talk to him about it, he will sulk for days on end and make the household unbearable.

Am I out of order to think his behaviour is totally selfish? And he needs to grow up and fast.

He's just using you. Total piss take.
You should both be in the same boat either spending equally or saving equally. Be careful op he could be saving up to do a runner, and currently you are helping to fund this.
Get copies of bank statements now. And look for hidden bank accounts.
Been there, know the cunning tactics.
Eventually chucked him out and now happy days

I was married to someone who was self employed who didn’t refuse to pay but the contributions would be hit and miss and often minimal. All I can say is when I got rid I was much better off. I was within the band for benefits which topped up my income more than ex ever had. Even though i still have to be careful with money i at least have total control. I suggest you put your finances through a benefits and child maintenance online calculator and see how much you would get if he moved out.

Financial abuse, its an element of coercive control which is illegal. Id be getting in touch with the police and with their help get rid of him. Ensuring you have nothing, and being unbearable when this is raised to him is abuse.

Does he pay toward mortgage or rent? Or absolutely nothing toward the running of the household?

When did this start?

That’s shocking. He really does deserve a CF badge!!

Who buys his food?

You would probably be more financial comfortable without this additional dependant!!

I don't understand the set up here.

Does he have a job and is earning a monthly wage?

Have you always paid all the bills?
If not, when did he stop paying his fair share?
Why did you agree to pay all the bills so he could save for a motorbike? How did that even happen???

You count up your outgoings - every penny you spend, and then you tell him that he needs to contribute 50% - give him the figure. If not he needs to leave and you’ll get CMS to calculate child support. Once he has to pay his own rent, bills and child support he might realise how good he has it, but until then he’s an abusive prick.

This is financial abuse. Don't put up with it! He can either pay up or ship out.

How are you paying everything and him nothing? You're married!

He must have a huge bike fund if he's contributing nothing to the household.

I agree with poster who said it's financial abuse.

What? HOW?

he is doing what ur allowing him to do. grow a backbone, take half the bike fund back and tell him to get to fk or just suck it up.

May have been said already but before you talk to him, write a list of ALL the bills etc that need to be paid for your ‘family’, include all the kids clothes, school activities, literally everything. He should be paying HALF of all of these, or if your salaries differ greatly then you should each pay a percentage relating to your take home pay.
Good luck - I really hope you sort it out.
I’m not sure if I’m old fashioned or something (am definitely older than you OP) but as soon as we got married and before children, we just had one bank account and everything went in it and all the bills came out and what was left, we spent or saved my mutual agreement.

Kick him out,he's a self centered parasite. You'll be financially better off (he'll have to pay maintenance for the kids) but you'll be better off in so many other ways and can find happiness with a grown up, not a manchild. Least you'll have every alternate weekend free when he has to step up as a father.

💐some hard truths here @Chickenwings85 , I hope you’re okay?

Wow that's not okay.

That's not okay, I'd be telling him to leave tonight.

Are you having a laugh??!!! Ffs, wake the fuck yo and toss him out. What a selfish prick he is.

Thats awful and selfish of him. We do 50/50 here. You need to tell him you expect x amount every month, because it's not fair on you. Otherwise what is the point of him? What does he seriously bring to the table?

I can’t even work out how this happened?!

Absolutely this^

WTF are you putting up with this.

If you leave him, you'll likely be sooo much better off. Do the maths. He'll have to stop saving for his bike and start paying towards his children!

A father supporting his children is not supposed to be 'if' there is any money left after he has saved up for an expensive toy of no use to his family.

Him having a motorbike is of no benefit to his kids & someone has to babysit for every second that he uses it.

If he has money left to save, it should be money AFTER kids needs are taken care of, because right now, he is actually paying YOUR MONEY into his savings, because YOU are paying HIS bills.

Men like this make me really angry.
He's selfish & crap partner/father, he should be ashamed.

Does he pay rent/mortgage? Or do you mean you pay all bills including rent/mortgage?

I don't know how he'd got away with paying nothing. You shouldn't have allowed this. Forget his grumbling. Work out how much 50% of everything is and say he pays that or he leaves and you claim child support.

I’d say he and his motorbike can go live elsewhere happily ever after. LTB

My ex did this, this is why he is my ex.
I won't tolerate this selfishness.
He will have to pay CMA and 50% childcare costs - see how quick that gets him a bike. Ff's.