DD's uni costs

[WarriorWalrus]

DD1 is 17, 18 at the start of August. DH and I can't agree on what costs we should be covering while she is at uni and what she should budget for herself.
Due to our income DD only qualifies for the most basic maintenance loan. We have savings for her, so it won't be out of our monthly income (though I intend to keep putting money into her savings while she is at uni). Her grandparents have offered to pay for her accommodation (£350 a week).
So far we haven't figure out how much her monthly allowance from us will be, but we disagree on what this should cover. DH thinks the amount we set should cover everything, food, clothes, socialising, club fees, holidays etc.
I think food, socialising and day to day clothes sure, but she plans to join one of the sports teams so I think we should pay for the initial registration cost and kit costs, allow her to use money from the savings for travel, she currently gets private coaching in her sport, I think we should pay for this to continue at uni (I know she wants it to) and step in with extra money for more expensive clothes for events or such.
We don't want her to and she doesn't intend to get a job (Uni, Socialising, Sport and extra work to help future career should take up most of her time). But we do want to teach her to budget.
AIBU to think the additional things should be covered by us, anyone with Uni aged kids got a rough idea of how much she will need monthly?

[Acheyknees]

£350 a week for accommodation? If that's real and being paid why can't she manage on her loan?

[Gerrataere]

Gosh, at what point is your daughter going to have any sort of reality check about adult life exactly? Seems she’s having everything bar a housekeeper paid for her…

[finewelshcheese]

Where's she living for £350 a week?!

[Wicksytricksy]

Surely you just give her xx amount and she decides what to spend it on? Or have I missed an important part of learning to be an adult.

[YouOk]

My ds got
the basic maintenance loan which paid towards his accommodation and we covered the rest I think it was £170 a week for 35 weeks and the loan was 6k maybe? I can't exactly remember but it wasnt a lot more for us to cover - deposit though of £500

then we gave 75 per week (25 on a Monday and 50 on a Friday) that covered everything. He got a job as a subwarden as well as a uni post job (100 a month extra) This is in London- hope it helps

[YouOk]

Ok I just saw 350
a week that's crazy!!! Where is this?

[MatildaTheCat]

Is the £350 a week for catered halls? If so she should be eating there and paying for any meals she decides to have elsewhere.

[Handholdplease85]

You’re far too involved. She should be leading this process and then you agree with her what is reasonable.

First step is for HER to sit down and work out what she thinks she needs each week/month, taking into account food/travel/activities etc. Then you can take a look and see what she may have missed.

Please don’t pamper her, it will do her no favours. If she is old enough and bright enough to study for a degree then she can manage her own budget. I’m not suggesting you don’t subsidise her loan but I don’t understand why you are resistant to her having a job and why you seem to want to pay for quite so much. Going to uni isn’t about living a life of luxury, and if you want her to learn how to budget then she needs some control.

[WarriorWalrus]

@Acheyknees

£350 a week for accommodation? If that's real and being paid why can't she manage on her loan?

She is going to Uni in london, the is uni halls in a cluster flat!! Crazy I know!!
Her maintenance loan will only be £500 a month when divided up, I don't know how she would cover, sports, food, socialising etc. on that.

[Handholdplease85]

Ps. If she graduates at 21 with no real work experience things will be very tough for her

[Luxell934]

Sounds like you can afford to pay for everything comfortably for your DD. Including hobbies and expensive clothing.

Personally I think this is the wrong way to go about it and she should definitely be getting a job and learning how to budget for herself.

I would only budget for the essentials like rent, food, bills and leave her to find her own spending money by getting a job in the real world.

but each to their own!

[Curtains70]

Don't you just give her the difference between the basic loan and the full loan (paid in whatever installments work for you) and she just budgets it?

Alot of that difference will be the accommodation costs which are already covered surely?

[Handholdplease85]

£500 a month is plenty if all bills are covered. £200 for food. The rest for fun. This is almost as much disposable income as we have for a family of 4.

[Peony654]

You are way too involved - she should be doing the budgeting with a breakdown and then discussing with you. And she needs to get a job whilst at uni.

[WarriorWalrus]

@MatildaTheCat

Is the £350 a week for catered halls? If so she should be eating there and paying for any meals she decides to have elsewhere.

not catered, just regular halls, this is London though and very central location.

[Lastqueenofscotland2]

Are you at any point planning for your daughter to be an independent adult.
Also I work for a company that takes on a lot of grads. I can’t recommend getting a job, even if it’s one shift a week enough. Grad schemes are tough, everyone has a 1st or a 2:I, can play the oboe and played a sport at uni, a job shows they could turn up on time, work with other people and take instruction.

[Ohmylovejune]

Our DD lived on her maintenence loan and we paid her accommodation. We said any extras she would have to work. She decided she didn't want to work but spend time on her studies, which was fair enough because they were demanding. She actually managed to save (although she doesn't drink/smoke etc). Probably given current cost of living she wouldn't be able to save but we would do the same as they have to have an incentive to budget.

[Coronationstation]

£500 a month sounds quite generous for an 18yr to cover food and socializing to me!

[finewelshcheese]

Her maintenance loan will only be £500 a month when divided up, I don't know how she would cover, sports, food, socialising etc. on that.

Both of mine managed fine on less than that. They both worked (dd during term time and DS just worked f/t in holidays) and that money was used for clothes, festivals, extras.

We topped up the rent and they each got £50 a week allowance, plus £100 a month from grandparents. That coveted food and social life!

What's she bringing to the table? Does she have a job? Will she get one at uni?

[Ooophelia]

Has she ever had a job? This would help her in future employment more than having more time or ‘extra work to find a job’.

[Acheyknees]

500 a month for food, clothes and socialising sounds fine to me. I think you daughter is very lucky to have her GP's pay for her halls. My daughter pays for her own halls, gets minimum loan and 200 a month from me. Is you daughter working in the holidays? Mine saves a lot by doing so.

[WarriorWalrus]

@Handholdplease85

Ps. If she graduates at 21 with no real work experience things will be very tough for her

We looked into it, she will not have the time. The career she wants will involve building industry specific experience which is going to be unpaid for the most part. She is also very keen on her sport, team practice once a week, competing once a week, conditioning and fitness once a week and private coaching, will take up alot of time, I don't want her to give up her sport, she has potential to do well in it. Then actual uni, revision, work experience and socialising, when would she do a job!!

[Hippyhippybake]

We pay rent for ours and then they get £50 a week. They have taken out tuition loans but not maintenance loans. We expect them to work in the holidays for anything extra and this hasn’t been a problem for any of them. Usually earn between £2,000 - £4,000 which has also been enough to fund travelling.

Eldest now working in London and very pleased that she makes her own lunch every day etc and is very careful with money.

[Hippyhippybake]

And all have mine have continued sport to a regional / national level throughout university, on University teams too.

[Gerrataere]

@WarriorWalrus

She is going to Uni in london, the is uni halls in a cluster flat!! Crazy I know!!
Her maintenance loan will only be £500 a month when divided up, I don't know how she would cover, sports, food, socialising etc. on that.

How do you think those from families who can’t/won’t pay towards uni manage? Believe me you’re doing her little favours on many levels here, she’ll be seen as a spoiled princess by the end of freshers for one. Budget for the essentials, food shopping at the cheapest places, clothes do not need to be fancy, work out the cost of text books (because that one will probably be a shocker), any extras should come out of the very set budget or she finds a job. Just remember, when you’re going to uni you go as your own person, not a representation of your parents wealth.