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AIBU?

DD's uni costs

753 replies

WarriorWalrus · 10/07/2023 11:26

DD1 is 17, 18 at the start of August. DH and I can't agree on what costs we should be covering while she is at uni and what she should budget for herself.
Due to our income DD only qualifies for the most basic maintenance loan. We have savings for her, so it won't be out of our monthly income (though I intend to keep putting money into her savings while she is at uni). Her grandparents have offered to pay for her accommodation (£350 a week).
So far we haven't figure out how much her monthly allowance from us will be, but we disagree on what this should cover. DH thinks the amount we set should cover everything, food, clothes, socialising, club fees, holidays etc.
I think food, socialising and day to day clothes sure, but she plans to join one of the sports teams so I think we should pay for the initial registration cost and kit costs, allow her to use money from the savings for travel, she currently gets private coaching in her sport, I think we should pay for this to continue at uni (I know she wants it to) and step in with extra money for more expensive clothes for events or such.
We don't want her to and she doesn't intend to get a job (Uni, Socialising, Sport and extra work to help future career should take up most of her time). But we do want to teach her to budget.
AIBU to think the additional things should be covered by us, anyone with Uni aged kids got a rough idea of how much she will need monthly?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

557 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
82%
You are NOT being unreasonable
18%
Gerrataere · 10/07/2023 12:10

Oh god, journalism? She’ll absolutely need some real life experience. Is it a joint degree with another subject? It’s well known that the career is expected to have some sort of in depth specialist knowledge. Unless she’s a nepo child (wouldn’t be surprised) and you’ve planned far ahead in terms of getting her an ‘in’ on her career.

waterrat · 10/07/2023 12:11

I work in journalism and you are absolutely wrong about unpaid work.

Nobody expects it and if she is any good she will.get paid work.

MasterBeth · 10/07/2023 12:11

WarriorWalrus · 10/07/2023 11:39

not catered, just regular halls, this is London though and very central location.

My son is in very central London in a private shared student flat. £800 a month this year, £830 a month next year. They saw you coming.

TedMullins · 10/07/2023 12:12

WarriorWalrus · 10/07/2023 12:04

Journalism, all the masters courses she has looked at require freelance experience, work on student publications etc.

I used to be a journalist. Let me tell you, she’ll have far less than £500 a month spending money if she gets a job in journalism with the kind of salaries on offer. If that’s really what she wants to do I hope she isn’t going into it for the money.

WarriorWalrus · 10/07/2023 12:13

Gerrataere · 10/07/2023 12:10

Oh god, journalism? She’ll absolutely need some real life experience. Is it a joint degree with another subject? It’s well known that the career is expected to have some sort of in depth specialist knowledge. Unless she’s a nepo child (wouldn’t be surprised) and you’ve planned far ahead in terms of getting her an ‘in’ on her career.

She is studying History and Political Economy at BA, plans to do masters in Investigative Journalism or International Journalism.

OP posts:
TedMullins · 10/07/2023 12:14

waterrat · 10/07/2023 12:11

I work in journalism and you are absolutely wrong about unpaid work.

Nobody expects it and if she is any good she will.get paid work.

This is also true - the days of unpaid internships are largely over as they’ve been made illegal. Most traineeships and internships in journalism pay at least the minimum wage. But many freelance journalists also have a day job in something else because the rates are so dire.

WarriorWalrus · 10/07/2023 12:15

waterrat · 10/07/2023 12:11

I work in journalism and you are absolutely wrong about unpaid work.

Nobody expects it and if she is any good she will.get paid work.

Honestly not my area of expertise, I'm sure DD is more clued up. I guess I was more saying I don't see her having time to work in Tesco, as I believe unless I'm misguided building a portfolio will be important and take time that could be spent on a conventional job. Whether she can make money from this or not I don't know.

OP posts:
Canidoitreally · 10/07/2023 12:15

WarriorWalrus · 10/07/2023 11:38

She is going to Uni in london, the is uni halls in a cluster flat!! Crazy I know!!
Her maintenance loan will only be £500 a month when divided up, I don't know how she would cover, sports, food, socialising etc. on that.

If her accommodation and fees are covered, then £500/month sounds like plenty to me tbh. If I was wanting to encourage her high level sport, I might give an additional £200/month as I know private coaching can cost a lot.

Diamond7272 · 10/07/2023 12:16

Good grief...

Her grandparents are shelling out £1400 per month rent, she has a further £500 per month income in loan form plus all the sundries you add.... A 'good' £2200 per month income, mostly gift, part loan.

She'd better not be going to uni to get a degree with the intention of becoming a teacher .. after pension contrib, loan payback etc, she will barely clear £1350 per month...!

....you are cushioning her entirely from the real world... Hope the grandparents and yourselves will be able to make up the £900 pcm difference into her 20s and 30s... or she will find that her standard of living drops off a cliff once she has to pay her own way in life.

£350 a week rent???? As a student.

I'm sure there is a niche market paying such numbers (private school fees £40,000 per nine months -type people), but me thinks she lives in a different world and is a tad pampered....😊

Sissynova · 10/07/2023 12:19

Hmm seems you think working in Tesco is beneath your DD, however I think you are underestimating how much a decent journalist will need resilience and life experience.

No offence to your DD but no one wants to read the opinion of an out of touch nepo baby who has been handed everything.

CRbear · 10/07/2023 12:19

Whatever her loan is reduced to - due to your income - replace that and let her plan how to use it.

the government should be clearer that they do expect parents to top up! Tightly or wrongly.

WarriorWalrus · 10/07/2023 12:19

Diamond7272 · 10/07/2023 12:16

Good grief...

Her grandparents are shelling out £1400 per month rent, she has a further £500 per month income in loan form plus all the sundries you add.... A 'good' £2200 per month income, mostly gift, part loan.

She'd better not be going to uni to get a degree with the intention of becoming a teacher .. after pension contrib, loan payback etc, she will barely clear £1350 per month...!

....you are cushioning her entirely from the real world... Hope the grandparents and yourselves will be able to make up the £900 pcm difference into her 20s and 30s... or she will find that her standard of living drops off a cliff once she has to pay her own way in life.

£350 a week rent???? As a student.

I'm sure there is a niche market paying such numbers (private school fees £40,000 per nine months -type people), but me thinks she lives in a different world and is a tad pampered....😊

DD was offered a handful of residences when she went to book them, there were ones that went as low as £215 but these obviously book up fast, I think hers might the most expensive for her uni, but it has a good location etc.

OP posts:
BeachBlondey · 10/07/2023 12:20

We used to send about £600pm for each child. They did with that what they wanted. She should be budgeting herself.

ilovesooty · 10/07/2023 12:20

Canidoitreally · 10/07/2023 12:15

If her accommodation and fees are covered, then £500/month sounds like plenty to me tbh. If I was wanting to encourage her high level sport, I might give an additional £200/month as I know private coaching can cost a lot.

Agreed.

Luxell934 · 10/07/2023 12:20

Has she ever had a job?
Is she going to be working over the summer?

Sewaccidentprone · 10/07/2023 12:20

Ds2 was at Uni in south west.

loan just covered his rent and we gave him £550 per mth last year.

he had a pt job working 2 eves a week in a restaurant.

depends on what subject your dad is doing as some of the science etc degrees require much more work than other subjects.

also need to factor in whether you believe she should have to learn to stick to a certain budget or whether you’ll just bail her out.

We were very much in favour of ds2 working out his own budget. It’s a good life skill/lesson.

gyl2000 · 10/07/2023 12:20

I think if the op has the financial means to fund everything and wants to then she should. My parents funded all of my uni expenses, halls, food, bills, and I had to pay for socialising and clothes. I think it’s about what your kid is like, will they take advantage of it and slack off? Or will they use it positively. For example, I saved £15,000 in high school working part time before I even left for uni (though I understand the privileged position I was in having no expenses etc so everything earnt was saved). I then worked every summer holidays so that this amount never depleted. My parents told me that the harder I worked and more I saved the more they would give. I’m all for making your kids life easier financially if you can, in reality if op has the financial means to support her dd to this extent she can probably help out with future things, even house deposits anyway.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 10/07/2023 12:20

WarriorWalrus · 10/07/2023 12:15

Honestly not my area of expertise, I'm sure DD is more clued up. I guess I was more saying I don't see her having time to work in Tesco, as I believe unless I'm misguided building a portfolio will be important and take time that could be spent on a conventional job. Whether she can make money from this or not I don't know.

I assume the poster who is a journalist is more clued up than your 17 year old… please listen to the advice given. A job will help her prospects.

WarriorWalrus · 10/07/2023 12:21

Sissynova · 10/07/2023 12:19

Hmm seems you think working in Tesco is beneath your DD, however I think you are underestimating how much a decent journalist will need resilience and life experience.

No offence to your DD but no one wants to read the opinion of an out of touch nepo baby who has been handed everything.

She has been working in a local cafe (we live in a touristy area so seasonal demand) on weekends, and in holidays since just before she turned 16. Certainly don't think anything is below her, just when will she have the time!!

OP posts:
Zarataralara · 10/07/2023 12:22

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 10/07/2023 11:41

Are you at any point planning for your daughter to be an independent adult.
Also I work for a company that takes on a lot of grads. I can’t recommend getting a job, even if it’s one shift a week enough. Grad schemes are tough, everyone has a 1st or a 2:I, can play the oboe and played a sport at uni, a job shows they could turn up on time, work with other people and take instruction.

This. 100%.
I was getting worried about who was going to pay for the butler though…

WarriorWalrus · 10/07/2023 12:23

Luxell934 · 10/07/2023 12:20

Has she ever had a job?
Is she going to be working over the summer?

She has worked in a local cafe seasonally the last two summers and weekends from about March-October. This summer she is travelling.

OP posts:
AffIt · 10/07/2023 12:24

The career she wants will involve building industry specific experience which is going to be unpaid for the most part.

Look into this very closely - I work in international management consultancy (fintech) and we pay our interns, as do most of our competitors, because nobody wants to be 'that firm' exploiting what is effectively modern day slavery.

Unpaid internships / work experiences are becoming less and less common.

GCAcademic · 10/07/2023 12:24

Certainly don't think anything is below her, just when will she have the time!!

She's doing a History degree. I teach a similar subject and plenty of our students work. It's not like she's doing a medicine degree with full-time hours, clinical placements, etc.

Canidoitreally · 10/07/2023 12:24

Putdownthecake · 10/07/2023 12:02

It's not about making your daughter struggle but teaching an adult child the merits of hard work and paying your way in life. £500 a month is plenty! She also has very generous grandparents. Private coaching....respectfully if she was that good in the field, she'd not be studying a degree and pursuing the sport full time.
Every student should have the 'do I spend my last 20 on food or a night out' conversation with themselves. Teaches great budgeting, real life and mistakes equal learning.
She absolutely will have time for a job.

Respectfully, I know plenty of people who compete internationally in sports and spend hundreds on private coaching and loads of them have degrees and are not doing the sport full time. Some are children and at school!

I agree with the rest of your post though.

lovemelongtime · 10/07/2023 12:25

I am bemused re the private coaching she will have to pay for, how do you already know she'll need this?

To be honest not much point to this thread as you clearly don't agree with anyone here. I think your daughter is really lucky and if you can afford it, then crack on, but not much point asking about it when you disagree with everything anyone says.

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