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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not like my engagement ring and want to change it...

254 replies

heregoesnothing583959 · 08/07/2023 11:44

I know I'm going to get flamed for this and likely ripped to shreds by everyone but here goes.

My partner proposed to me on holiday, which was great and very sweet. We are both not the most socially outgoing types and he's quite uncomfortable with all the attention this news will bring so I haven't told a soul yet. I said yes, obviously.

We were in a country with a high crime rate so he had a temporary dummy ring for that and also because my actual ring hadn't arrived yet. It came yesterday and it's exactly the style I'd liked but the diamond is so tiny it's just lost on my hand.

I didn't want to be ungrateful as he really has tried here and the style of it is my dream ring, and he picked something from Tiffany all by himself. That may have a part to play as I know they mark up prices for everything. Anyway the diamond is a 0.22 carat and while it is very very sparkly it is so so small it's barely noticeable.

Do I just keep quiet about this even though I don't totally love it, or do I be honest - I'd be willing to pay for the difference to say change to a 0.5 carat diamond instead but don't want to offend him by suggesting this. I'm not after some big 2carat ring or something. I assume the platinum think band itself was pricey. I've no idea how much it cost and I know I don't need to know that, I don't know if upgrading the diamond by half a carat is going to be unreasonable either.

What would you do here? Do I just wear it regardless or should I be honest and try not to offend him while I do?

Thanks all... let the beating begin...

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Winnerwin22 · 08/07/2023 13:02

Exactly what I was thinking ! Try this!

Unicorn2022 · 08/07/2023 13:03

If you do go to Hatton Garden I would really recommend also going to Bloomsbury Manor which is just up the road. They have some amazing vintage rings and good as new Tiffany and Cartier.

SirVixofVixHall · 08/07/2023 13:05

heregoesnothing583959 · 08/07/2023 12:00

I did wonder this.. I'm not even sure how much extra it will be but obviously i'd he happy to pay it myself

Show quote history

I think if you have it resized, then you could trade in the diamond for the one you want. He probably won’t notice at all.

Curseofthenation · 08/07/2023 13:05

I would leave it and treat myself to a sparkly wedding band that balances it out.

Fuchs1a · 08/07/2023 13:07

Most of the recent diamond specialists in Hatton Garden are appointment only and to begin with you won’t even know they are there. Just a door in a wall. It’s very much like the film Snatch 😂

Fuchs1a · 08/07/2023 13:08

Fuchs1a · 08/07/2023 13:07

Most of the recent diamond specialists in Hatton Garden are appointment only and to begin with you won’t even know they are there. Just a door in a wall. It’s very much like the film Snatch 😂

Decent. Not recent.

PonyPatter44 · 08/07/2023 13:09

Pushmepullu · 08/07/2023 12:51

This is what I’m worried about on my DS behalf. GFs dad is a diamond dealer, DS doesn’t earn much and is unlikely to in the future. Does he ask future FiL for a discount or does he buy a smaller ring that he can afford with the risk that like the OP his GF will consider the diamond tiny?

Your DS should go and have a quiet word with his future FIL and ask his advice on where to get a decent ring. FIL may offer to provide a stone at cost or discount, or he might have some really good contacts.

If I was a diamond dealer and had a conversation like that with my son in law, I'd be finding him a lovely stone.

JudgeJ · 08/07/2023 13:10

Landlubber2019 · 08/07/2023 11:51

Sorry this might be the answer, but if my fiance chose an engagement ring unless it was hideous, I would accept the ring graciously.

Tbh if I gave someone a Tiffany ring and they would prefer to upgrade the carat, I would take this as a red flag and reconsider our compatibility.

I would carefully consider if the marriage will flourish and your lifestyle expectations going forward will be met.

This exactly, hopefully this poor chap is wondering if he wants to spend the rest of his life with such an avaricious woman! My engagement ring was bought with my late OH's milk bottle collection of threepenny bits, about £3, and I never wanted anything else.

Nanny0gg · 08/07/2023 13:11

Luckingfovely · 08/07/2023 11:53

Another option would be to add a halo of small diamonds around the original stone - this can make it look a lot bigger and more impactful.

I'm so tired of this sentiment that because the big important man has bought his lucky lucky little woman a ring, she should automatically love it and wear it forever. It's 2023, ffs.

Quite.

You are very, very lucky if someone knows your taste well enough to choose something you will (potentially) wear for ever.

I think the ring should be chosen together (and preferably made to order, much more personal and more bling for your buck if that's what you want)

Pipsquiggle · 08/07/2023 13:13

Hatton Garden is a great place.

Try on lots of different styles and stones - not just the style you think you like the most.

I always thought I wanted a sapphire ring, all the sapphire rings I tried on just looked awful on me 😂

Also think about your wedding ring at the same time

viewsoftheshard · 08/07/2023 13:14

I knew someone who used to upgrade her diamond subtlety. She had been doing to over the years so less obvious, she earned a lot more than her husband and didn’t want to offend him.

AssertiveGertrude · 08/07/2023 13:22

I think you are right to be honest op - it’s the only way

I have Tiffany style solitaire but it’s not the Tiffany brand - it’s smaller than I would like but Chose it as that was the budget (I have an expensive eternity ring and hardly wear the engagement ring so I imagine dh knows)

NowItsLikeSnowAtTheBeach · 08/07/2023 13:23

If you can't even talk to him about it out of fear of his reaction, then perhaps you two aren't ready to get married to each other.

RiseYpres · 08/07/2023 13:26

Pushmepullu · 08/07/2023 12:51

This is what I’m worried about on my DS behalf. GFs dad is a diamond dealer, DS doesn’t earn much and is unlikely to in the future. Does he ask future FiL for a discount or does he buy a smaller ring that he can afford with the risk that like the OP his GF will consider the diamond tiny?

I think he needs to talk to his GF and ask her what she suggests. It might be that she is sick to the back teeth of diamonds (or at least disenchanted by them) and wants something else like an aquamarine or sapphire etc. Or maybe nothing at all!!

My DH is a geologist and he is definitely not that impressed by diamonds. It might be that through proximity the GF is not either!

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 08/07/2023 13:28

I don’t know tbh OP. It’s you that’s going to be wearing so I guess if you don’t like it you should change it.

but to me it feels a bit different to just wanting to change the style because you’re not keen.

”this diamond isn’t big enough, I want a bigger one” just feels a bit materialistic and grabby to me. Even if you’re willing to pay for it. But each to their own.

Luxell934 · 08/07/2023 13:28

NowItsLikeSnowAtTheBeach · 08/07/2023 13:23

If you can't even talk to him about it out of fear of his reaction, then perhaps you two aren't ready to get married to each other.

Yeah it's not a good start to marriage if you can't talk to him about a ring. It's just a ring, he might be hurt initially but surely he will realise that it's more important for you to be happy with the ring. Your not telling him you've cheated on him, he will get over it.

Hollyppp · 08/07/2023 13:30

OP my husband forgot I wanted a trio ring and got a 1 stone ring (very high quality diamond but very very small diamond). I would have preferred a bigger stone and less quality but honestly I can’t say anything. It would kill him.

so my advice is keep the ring and learn to love it

Pipsquiggle · 08/07/2023 13:30

I genuinely don't understand why some women on here are advising that OP should keep a ring she doesn't like just because he's put so much time / effort / thought/ money into it?

It's 2023. They are about to enter a legal contract that will hopefully last a very long time. If you can't raise your own POV now, then when?

To not raise your opinion at this point, over an important symbol of your union would, IMO, be a shabby start to a marriage

Ghosttofu99 · 08/07/2023 13:36

Of course you should discuss it and change it to something you want but when people post about getting Tiffany ring’s starting at 15k it does kinda feel like a humble brag.

dottiedodah · 08/07/2023 13:36

I would just say to him "look Tim ,You know I love you and want to marry you,however I dont think this ring is really me .Can we choose one together ?" they all suit different people .If he loves you he will want you to be happy surely

ZiriForEver · 08/07/2023 13:36

Would it work to keep it for now as it is, but plan to change the stone for bigger one bit later? Birthday/Christmas/anniversary...
For now, keep it as a token. And later, express you really love the style and everything, and would love to exchange the stone (and keep the current one for child, whatever...)

That way it would work bktn as a token now and be exactly as you like it "for life".

Holly60 · 08/07/2023 13:38

I think you'd be better going for a slightly different style. I do agree you have to be happy so I personally would change it but for a different style.

What about a halo style. Gives the impression of a bigger stone without the cost.

Summerishere123 · 08/07/2023 13:41

Would he even notice? Ask him for the receipt and take it back yourself. Tell him you are getting it resized and get a bigger diamond at the same time.

KPops22 · 08/07/2023 13:42

@weightymatters73 I agree with you about buying from people like this. They don't put money into big flashy showrooms and masses of stock but they do have access to the diamond that you may want - size , clarity etc. My engagement ring is a solitaire from them.