To not like my engagement ring and want to change it...

[heregoesnothing583959]

I know I'm going to get flamed for this and likely ripped to shreds by everyone but here goes.

My partner proposed to me on holiday, which was great and very sweet. We are both not the most socially outgoing types and he's quite uncomfortable with all the attention this news will bring so I haven't told a soul yet. I said yes, obviously.

We were in a country with a high crime rate so he had a temporary dummy ring for that and also because my actual ring hadn't arrived yet. It came yesterday and it's exactly the style I'd liked but the diamond is so tiny it's just lost on my hand.

I didn't want to be ungrateful as he really has tried here and the style of it is my dream ring, and he picked something from Tiffany all by himself. That may have a part to play as I know they mark up prices for everything. Anyway the diamond is a 0.22 carat and while it is very very sparkly it is so so small it's barely noticeable.

Do I just keep quiet about this even though I don't totally love it, or do I be honest - I'd be willing to pay for the difference to say change to a 0.5 carat diamond instead but don't want to offend him by suggesting this. I'm not after some big 2carat ring or something. I assume the platinum think band itself was pricey. I've no idea how much it cost and I know I don't need to know that, I don't know if upgrading the diamond by half a carat is going to be unreasonable either.

What would you do here? Do I just wear it regardless or should I be honest and try not to offend him while I do?

Thanks all... let the beating begin...

Eh it'll look the same as a million other people's engagement rings either way.

@heregoesnothing583959 you should look at the Samara James website as you can play about with all the Cs and get a price to compare. You still go visit them.

@ZiriForEver

It's not a 'token' if he's paid thousands of £££££. It needs to be loved and cherished by the wearer.

OP has already said they are in Hatton Garden now choosing another ring together, thank goodness

Totally agree with those saying there's a massive markup on Tiffany items. Especially in the ring segment. I'm glad you're considering returning it and going elsewhere.

(I say this as someone who owns a few Tiffany pieces. I used to love their designs and would treat myself once in a while. Now I try to find independent designers)

could we have a photo?

It’s the fact it’s Tiffany as they are ludicrously overpriced. Can you return it and go and choose one together?

Change the diamond in a few years. Trust me he wont even notice then. And your heart will be content.

@weightymatters73 that ring is a good cut with small inclusions. Is that the same quality as the Tiffany ring?

Personally I think you have to be a gemmologist to be sure of what you are buying from Hatton Garden jewellers/dealers. I was once told by a board member of one of the big Bond Street names that due to the proliferation of jewellers between Old Bond Street and Piccadilly, that pricing was actually quite competitive and quality very reliable. Long before the commercialisation of Tiffany and to a lesser extent Cartier though. But Bentley, Antrobus, Ogden, etc., as well as the bigger names of: Cartier, Tiffany, Aspley, etc.

My engagement ring came from one of the above - in 1991. It's a 1.25ct sapphire flanked by 0.3ct diamonds. I haggled £2500 down to £2100. It was valued last year at 7.5k. I think in 30 years your Tiffany ring will likely have increased in value. I am not so sure about the cheaper, bigger rings from wholesalers/dealers/independents.

This. Hatton Garden has lots of diamond shops but really, the prices in the shops aren’t that much of a saving.

It’s buying the diamond direct from the dealer on Hatton Garden that gets you the better diamond. DH bought me a beautiful stone which was a very decent size too. If he bought the same stone and ring from a jewellery store, it would have been almost double the price.

I'm pleased you said something. You want a ring you love. You'll get so much more for your money in Hatton Garden.

Have a lovely time choosing one. Please come back and show us what you go for!

I get how you feel OP.

In this case I would wear it as it is for now and perhaps have it changed later.

I have been in situations where I said I dont want any golden jewellery /when younger so it was my aunt or parents/ and wanted to swap it for silver and it was a pain.

I haven't mean token in the way of money. The idea was to keep it in the role of engagement ring as it is, and later upgrade the for life version.

However, their solution is better.

Thanks, normally I read all OP updates, but I 've somehow missed the most recent ones.

https://www.samarajames.com/engagement-ring-halo-scalloped-round-shoulder-set.html/?filter=true&settingstyle=Halo&diamondshape=Round%20Brilliant&metaltype=Platinum&c=w&m=platinum&limit=12&page=1

Much more of a "show" for the price!

I would recommend you go to Hatton Garden to get an idea of the type of ring you want, and then look online. Blue Nile and 77 Diamonds are good for choosing a specific diamond for the ring.

I wouldn't bother with Hatton Garden - it's gone way downhill post covid and you are better off looking online....I personally wen't for www.samarajames.com as they are friendly and outside London and you can visit them and see what you are buying.

Unfortunately if it's platinum that where most of the cost of the ring has gone, he could have got a much larger stone by not choosing platinum and by not shopping at Tiffany. But he chose it for you and you should appreciate he chose it for you, he did his best. Maybe you can get a fan shaped wedding band with pear and marquis shaped stone to make the small stone appear bigger and more sparkly

Hi OP, I don’t think it’s ungrateful to want to like something you wear everyday. Looks like you are off to Hatton Garden to find something, hope it works out and you find something you love for much better value.

To give you an idea of how ridiculous the mark up of Tiffany Jewellery is, the same style of my ring with the same size, cut, clarity etc of diamond on Tiffany’s website costs 3.5x the current value of my engagement ring.

Is it more usual to choose a ring together or not I wonder?

To me proposals with a ring only happen in the movies-well, unless you've window shopped together.

I don't like Tiffany's & my heart would have sunk!

Hope you get something you like Op.

16 years later I wish we had gone for platinum. Don’t underestimate how much wear and tear the ring will take. Platinum is so much more hard wearing. I now think it would have been worth the money.

I told him and we changed mine! Not even sorry 😅 he would have been unhappy to know I didn't like it and had lied that I did.

Mine’s 18 carat gold, so’s my wedding ring. There’s no sign of wear after 24 years and I never take them off. I wear my mum’s 18 carat wedding ring all the time too, it’s been worn continuously for 73 years now with no wear.

On a totally different point, do Tiffany allow engagement rings to be returned?

Change it. Get what you want. Life is too fucking short. I felt exactly the same as you. I wanted a 0.5 and he got 0.33. It just wasn't what I wanted. I felt sad at the time but I never said anything. It did eat away at me for a bit - especially when he picked his own wedding ring and so he wears exactly what he wants. If you have small hands, he might have felt it would suit you or if you aren't outgoing then he might think the bigger rings are too 'bling'. I would address this now before it really is too late because your feelings are unlikely to change. If he is a good guy, he will want you to be happy. It's 11 years since he proposed and I've learned to like the ring but the way I felt at the time overshadowed the excitement of being engaged.

Never mind, for some reason after it not coming up when I first googled, I can see they take it back within 30 days.

You're doing the right thing, but I wouldn't tell your family or friends that you've changed the ring. I feel for your fiancé but it's the woman who'll be wearing the ring so it has to be something she is comfortable with.