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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the majority of women would leave their DH/DP

460 replies

NoLeaveIt · 07/07/2023 23:47

…. If they could have the same standard of living and home without them.

I’m interested to see what proportion of MNetters are actually happy with their lives with their partners rather than just trapped by practicalities of life and finances.

OP posts:
KnitMePurlMe · 07/07/2023 23:49

No way. My life would be infinitely poorer without my dh - and I don’t mean financially.

Cincinnatus · 07/07/2023 23:50

I’m not trying to be a dick but I actually wouldn’t. I love husband very much. We are a very good team. I hate to be apart from him. We have a very nice and financially secure life which helps I am sure.

badluckorbadvibes · 07/07/2023 23:51

I could have the same standard of living without him. I quite like him though.

JorisBonson · 07/07/2023 23:51

God no. He's my best mate. I love spending my fats with him.

Totallyaddictedtoshoes · 07/07/2023 23:51

Nope, unashamedly happy and appreciative of how lucky we are given the eye opening posts I see on here. I truly love my husband with all my heart and we are a team. I wish it was the same for everyone.

JorisBonson · 07/07/2023 23:52

Fats? Days!! 😄

Holibobby · 07/07/2023 23:52

I’m single and a lot of my friends seem quite envious that I get to do what I want when I want. Most people moaning about their OHs stay for financial reasons.

OnlyFannys · 07/07/2023 23:52

No not at all! I've only been with my partner for 2 years but I am infinitely happier with him in my life. Tbf he doesn't drive or even work atm as he is retraining so I'm definitely not with him for practicalities and finances 😂

Ponderingwindow · 07/07/2023 23:53

That would surprise me, but I admit my life sample is biased. Filled with women who made sure to have the means to leave at any time. It makes it much easier to find a good partner when you are pairing with a person who knows from the beginning that you could always walk out the door.

badluckorbadvibes · 07/07/2023 23:53

Holibobby · 07/07/2023 23:52

I’m single and a lot of my friends seem quite envious that I get to do what I want when I want. Most people moaning about their OHs stay for financial reasons.

Mom married and get to do what I want when I want. He is my husband not a jailer

NCNC4 · 07/07/2023 23:53

Me! I would!

I could actually afford to leave and buy my own house, but it would be a huge step down in terms of both house and area, plus I'd be paying a mortgage for much longer.

I'm really on the fence about whether to end things. It's not shit all the time, but it is quite shit quite a lot of the time.

NewShoes · 07/07/2023 23:55

Definitely not! We’re a good team and love being around each other.

KimberleyClark · 07/07/2023 23:55

No I wouldn’t. I love being with him.

Original poster
NoLeaveIt · 07/07/2023 23:55

It’s lovely to see such positive comments. Maybe my view is skewed by some of the horror stories on MN.

Interestingly the voting is not quite as positive as the posts though

OP posts:
alloutofcareunits · 07/07/2023 23:56

I love spending time with my husband, even after 23 years together! I'm financially independent and don't rely on him for anything but life is definitely nicer with him in it. If it wasn't, I'd leave. I've been divorced and a lone parent to a newborn before so know I don't need him, I'd get by fine on my own again. But I'd rather live with him

KnitMePurlMe · 07/07/2023 23:56

@NoLeaveIt thing is people only really post about the shit for support and advice. I can write a daily thread about how fab my dh is but I think people would soon tire of my smugness 😂

UpaladderwatchingTV · 07/07/2023 23:56

I've been with my DH for 31 years and married for almost 25 of them. Of course we've had our ups and downs, but as we've got older, the calmer things have become, and the happier we are. We love each other very much, enjoy each other's company, make each other laugh all the time, why would I want to walk away from that?

LadyJ2023 · 07/07/2023 23:57

No way I adore my hubby, we work great together in work,kids,chores I can't ever imagine life without him

bobblyjob · 07/07/2023 23:58

Nope. Earn more than him and was very comfortable financially without him. Active choice to be with him because he makes my life better. It makes me sad that women still feel they need a man in any way. A relationship is so much better when it’s a choice rather than your only option

Deadringer · 07/07/2023 23:58

My dh is actually a decent man in lots of ways. I just don't really want to live with him any more. After 40 years together though our finances are very tightly entwined and we have a teen who might never live independently so we are pretty much stuck.

Original poster
NoLeaveIt · 07/07/2023 23:58

NCNC4 · 07/07/2023 23:53

Me! I would!

I could actually afford to leave and buy my own house, but it would be a huge step down in terms of both house and area, plus I'd be paying a mortgage for much longer.

I'm really on the fence about whether to end things. It's not shit all the time, but it is quite shit quite a lot of the time.

I’m in a very similar position. I am financially independent from my partner but I love our shared property and couldn’t afford to live there alone. I fantasise about my own little place away from him though.

OP posts:
Blueskysunflower · 07/07/2023 23:59

Nope. We’re happy together, and marrying him was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Sure our lives after two decades are pretty intertwined financially and practically but I’m not with him because of that. Sorry!

MeinKraft · 08/07/2023 00:00

YANBU. Young men go on about being 'trapped' by women. But it's so often women who end up trapped and desperate but unable to leave.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/07/2023 00:00

Nope, I'd keep mine

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 08/07/2023 00:01

God no, I’d hate not to be with DH.
mI’m not trapped at all, I’m just happy.