Page 18 | To think that the majority of women would leave their DH/DP

mainbrochus · 10/07/2023 11:01

gwenneh · 08/07/2023 16:32

Not a myth, DH did the same for me. We definitely had no cleaner, no family nearby, and no one else barring each other. We juggled a lot while I went back to school, but the end result is that we both earn relatively equal salaries now and are quite comfortable. I don't think it's terribly unusual; I only did it myself after another friend of mine did the same, which is what inspired the thought in the first place.

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Yeah ! I am not a myth. I chose my dh well.

One of the things he does is all the cooking and food related stuff in the family. Countless women have told me I am 'SO LUCKY' that he does this.

Mate - it wasn't luck was it? I didn't marry a (for one example) travelling video producer who has to spend a load of time out of the country for work.

The boyfriends show you who they are, yeah a few will be suddenly bad but generally if you are going out with a lazy git, and get married then, guess what? Your life is gonna suck.

Original poster

NoLeaveIt · 10/07/2023 11:43

mainbrochus · 10/07/2023 11:01

Yeah ! I am not a myth. I chose my dh well.

One of the things he does is all the cooking and food related stuff in the family. Countless women have told me I am 'SO LUCKY' that he does this.

Mate - it wasn't luck was it? I didn't marry a (for one example) travelling video producer who has to spend a load of time out of the country for work.

The boyfriends show you who they are, yeah a few will be suddenly bad but generally if you are going out with a lazy git, and get married then, guess what? Your life is gonna suck.

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That is a bit simplistic. There are lots of posts on here showing that some men do change after marriage so it isn’t as straight forward as picking well.

OP posts:

Sissynova · 10/07/2023 11:45

To think that the majority of women would leave their DH/DP
…. If they could have the same standard of living and home without them.

How is it possible to have the same standard if you suddenly have one less person to help?
Unless you decided to build a life with a partner who doesn't contribute to your life in any way other than financially then I can't see how you would be better without them.

G5000 · 10/07/2023 12:04

How is it possible to have the same standard if you suddenly have one less person to help?

Have you not met or at least read about men here on MN who actually do not contribute at all? And not only that, create more work? I have friends who say it's easier single - less cooking, less tidying, less laundry, as their partner was basically an overgrown toddler.

Sissynova · 10/07/2023 12:12

G5000 · 10/07/2023 12:04

How is it possible to have the same standard if you suddenly have one less person to help?

Have you not met or at least read about men here on MN who actually do not contribute at all? And not only that, create more work? I have friends who say it's easier single - less cooking, less tidying, less laundry, as their partner was basically an overgrown toddler.

Which is exactly why I said
"Unless you decided to build a life with a partner who doesn't contribute to your life in any way other than financially then I can't see how you would be better without them."

However I don't know anyone in real life with a partner who doesn't contribute at all to basic household tasks.

emmylousings · 10/07/2023 12:35

I'm financialy independent of DP, which is important to me, as its shows we're together because we want to be, not coz we have to be. I do appreciate this is quite difficult to attain though.

Original poster

NoLeaveIt · 10/07/2023 12:36

Sissynova · 10/07/2023 11:45

To think that the majority of women would leave their DH/DP
…. If they could have the same standard of living and home without them.

How is it possible to have the same standard if you suddenly have one less person to help?
Unless you decided to build a life with a partner who doesn't contribute to your life in any way other than financially then I can't see how you would be better without them.

Maybe my hypothetical question should have been - if you had the option of making your OH disappear so everything else in your life stayed the same (including your living accommodation and your income) would you take it?

OP posts:

notacooldad · 10/07/2023 12:37

I would be emotionally lost without DH.
He makes my life easier, funnier and interesting. I can’t remember when we have haven’t laughed about something, took the mick out of each other in a funny way or enjoyed each others company.
We’ve been together 33years and he is my biggest cheer leader and supporter.
Im sure he sees me in the same way towards him.

notacooldad · 10/07/2023 12:39

Maybe my hypothetical question should have been - if you had the option of making your OH disappear so everything else in your life stayed the same (including your living accommodation and your income) would you take it?
Never!

Barney60 · 10/07/2023 12:46

Id do anything to have mine back (passed away) nothing has changed in my life same house ect, would give it up in a heartbeat to have him back, i miss him SOOOO much, he was my best friend.

Xiaoxiong · 10/07/2023 12:51

if you had the option of making your OH disappear so everything else in your life stayed the same (including your living accommodation and your income) would you take it?

No. Life would be greyer and sadder without him in it, not just for me and the kids but for my whole family who all adore him too. I also find that having that rock-solid safety net of his emotional support makes me able to be bolder and take more risks in my career, so I wouldn't be the same person without him.

To answer your original question, we earn exactly the same to within a couple of thousand - we'd each be financially independent without the other, but with less spending money as we'd be financing two separate lives rather than one together. So we're much better off in every way as a team, even though we each earn enough money to leave should we wish to.

25sheets · 10/07/2023 12:52

No way!

follygirl · 10/07/2023 13:31

@Barney60

Sorry for your loss x

off · 10/07/2023 14:17

NoLeaveIt · 10/07/2023 12:36

Maybe my hypothetical question should have been - if you had the option of making your OH disappear so everything else in your life stayed the same (including your living accommodation and your income) would you take it?

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That's gone from mercenary to sinister 😅

"He had become… inconvenient, so I made him… disappear."

Original poster

NoLeaveIt · 10/07/2023 14:27

off · 10/07/2023 14:17

That's gone from mercenary to sinister 😅

"He had become… inconvenient, so I made him… disappear."

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We can dream, can’t we?

OP posts:

Siawouldwannabeya · 10/07/2023 14:34

I don’t think the majority but I do think a lot would.

Blueink · 10/07/2023 15:06

If you feel this badly OP LTB don’t waste years thinking about it

Teenagehorrorbag · 11/07/2023 01:23

DH can be a bit annoying but we mostly make a good team - I could easily manage financially but life would be a lot harder on my own. We aren't joined at the hip but we do love each other and have 2 DC and make a happy family.

I don't think I know any couples who are together because they can't afford to separate. I'm sure there are some out there but that would be really sad.....

123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 11/07/2023 15:15

NoLeaveIt · 07/07/2023 23:58

I’m in a very similar position. I am financially independent from my partner but I love our shared property and couldn’t afford to live there alone. I fantasise about my own little place away from him though.

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Me too....ahhhh the peace and quiet and none whining 24/7 about everything and anything!

Greenly3 · 11/07/2023 18:47

Just getting out of a 44 year marriage so I am totally looking forward to being on my own…… just to be able to do what I want when I want will be bliss. We’ve 3 children and 7 grandchildren so the fall out from my decision is massive. I am clinging onto the fact that we can still be a family, albeit a reconfigured one?

Ehu33r · 11/07/2023 19:24

@NoLeaveIt if everything else could stay the same, I would make him disappear in a heartbeat

Original poster

NoLeaveIt · 11/07/2023 20:34

Greenly3 · 11/07/2023 18:47

Just getting out of a 44 year marriage so I am totally looking forward to being on my own…… just to be able to do what I want when I want will be bliss. We’ve 3 children and 7 grandchildren so the fall out from my decision is massive. I am clinging onto the fact that we can still be a family, albeit a reconfigured one?

Good for you, it’s time for you to put your happiness first.

OP posts:

Original poster

NoLeaveIt · 11/07/2023 20:36

Ehu33r · 11/07/2023 19:24

@NoLeaveIt if everything else could stay the same, I would make him disappear in a heartbeat

I’m pretty sure you are not alone feeling like that.

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Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/07/2023 22:15

NCNC4 · 07/07/2023 23:53

Me! I would!

I could actually afford to leave and buy my own house, but it would be a huge step down in terms of both house and area, plus I'd be paying a mortgage for much longer.

I'm really on the fence about whether to end things. It's not shit all the time, but it is quite shit quite a lot of the time.

Don't clutch onto the few bread crumbs of good times. It's very easy to find a relationship that is great 10% of the time if you get lonely again in the future!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/07/2023 22:16

@NoLeaveIt I'd rather live in my little flat then a big pretty prison