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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the majority of women would leave their DH/DP

460 replies

NoLeaveIt · 07/07/2023 23:47

…. If they could have the same standard of living and home without them.

I’m interested to see what proportion of MNetters are actually happy with their lives with their partners rather than just trapped by practicalities of life and finances.

OP posts:
Grumpy101 · 08/07/2023 00:01

No, if anything, I would be financially better off. I earn more by quite a lot, I own the house anyway, his financial contribution is symbolic really

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 08/07/2023 00:01

No. I would maybe be slightly better off financially, and for slightly complicated reasons wouldn't have to move, but I love DH and want to be with him.

MaxwellCat · 08/07/2023 00:02

No my ex left me I would have never chose to be a single mum, people only post about the negatives best to remember that people in happy relationships don’t post about it so you are only seeing one side

TheFireflies · 08/07/2023 00:02

Not at all. I earn more and could live alone, but I don’t want to. There’s not many people I would want to live with, but my husband is one.

Whadda · 08/07/2023 00:05

I could definitely maintain my current lifestyle on my own.

I don’t want to though- DH is bloody amazing and being with him is just the best thing ever.

UndercoverCop · 08/07/2023 00:06

Not in my circle, but none of my friends are financially dependent on their husbands so if they wanted to go they would have.
I could afford to keep the home we're currently in, albeit lifestyle would have to change a bit.
I wouldn't prioritise luxuries over my happiness.

I'm pretty sure SIL would if she had more money of her own, but maybe I'm biased because I can't understand anyone choosing to live with my brother.
Unfortunately she's done the MN classic, multiple DC, no career to speak of, works part time in an entry level role around the DC, he doesn't even know how to operate their washing machine (wilful he's not suffered a head injury) and they're not even married....
(Yes I realise she's not actually my SIL but it's just easier than DBs long term partner and mother of his children.)

lirosa · 08/07/2023 00:07

No. DH's salary is higher than mine but I have enough assets and other income that my unearned income is higher. I would have a great life with or without him. But I stay with him because I love him and enjoy his company, and he supports me and is an amazing dad.

sausage767 · 08/07/2023 00:07

Not a chance, my husband is a very good egg and I love him.

I know it’s easy to think most married women are miserable by reading some of the posts here, but there are a lot of us out there in happy relationships.

whatabeautifulwedding · 08/07/2023 00:09

No I would not want this.

I love my husband very much and would very much like to keep living with him.

Bananaspliff · 08/07/2023 00:09

No. I work and earn a good salary but my husband is my rock and I wouldn’t be without him.

mrsmalcolmreynolds · 08/07/2023 00:09

I outearn my DH by a factor of about 8 gross, and while we've been together that factor has always been at least 3. Our not being together would have no effect on my material quality of life whatsoever but a cataclysmic effect in terms of my emotional wellbeing. I love him and we are a team.

It's about having respect and wanting to participate properly in a shared life, regardless of who earns what.

FFSCarrieBradshaw · 08/07/2023 00:09

No! We've been together 20 years and really bloody enjoy each other's company. He's my person!

We really like each other, work well together and I'm not financially tied in.

Of course you will hear tales of abusive/dysfunctional/unhappy relationships here, women post for help when they are in difficult situations, not when they're in happy and functional relationships.

Original poster
NoLeaveIt · 08/07/2023 00:10

40% are voting YANBU but all the comments support YABU

OP posts:
off · 08/07/2023 00:16

I wouldn't, but even if I would, I'd say that I wouldn't. The opening post is more or less what I'd write if I were a MGTOW type looking to elicit a demonstration of my conviction that, beneath the naice middle-class independent-woman veneer, the mummies of MN are a load of grasping gold-diggers trying to hang onto the poor hapless men they've parasitised, only staying with them as long as they have a full wallet, etc., just like the rest of womankind. A thread full of women admitting that basically, they're human beings and have at times thought about how their lives might be if things were different (however innocently the thread was started — and I do think OP genuinely only intended to have a conversation), would be meat and drink for that lot.

Not that it really matters, I suppose, if some incel type comes across this thread and thinks it confirms his ideas, but I personally don't like the idea of being read that way.

HighEndGrifters · 08/07/2023 00:19

NoLeaveIt · 07/07/2023 23:47

…. If they could have the same standard of living and home without them.

I’m interested to see what proportion of MNetters are actually happy with their lives with their partners rather than just trapped by practicalities of life and finances.

WTH

Who would put petrol in my car ?

😂

Canidoitreally · 08/07/2023 00:19

I'm happier with DH than I was without him. If I wanted to leave, I could do so without much of a drop in my standard of living. But I don't want to.

CallieQ · 08/07/2023 00:20

JorisBonson · 07/07/2023 23:52

Fats? Days!! 😄

I thought your post said share my farts at first! Confused

CallieQ · 08/07/2023 00:22

No from me too... I've got a keeper

HighEndGrifters · 08/07/2023 00:24

Who would bring me coffee in bed every morning, sometimes with a square of dark chocolate?

Original poster
NoLeaveIt · 08/07/2023 00:25

off · 08/07/2023 00:16

I wouldn't, but even if I would, I'd say that I wouldn't. The opening post is more or less what I'd write if I were a MGTOW type looking to elicit a demonstration of my conviction that, beneath the naice middle-class independent-woman veneer, the mummies of MN are a load of grasping gold-diggers trying to hang onto the poor hapless men they've parasitised, only staying with them as long as they have a full wallet, etc., just like the rest of womankind. A thread full of women admitting that basically, they're human beings and have at times thought about how their lives might be if things were different (however innocently the thread was started — and I do think OP genuinely only intended to have a conversation), would be meat and drink for that lot.

Not that it really matters, I suppose, if some incel type comes across this thread and thinks it confirms his ideas, but I personally don't like the idea of being read that way.

Apologies, It didn’t occur to me that this thread could be used in that way.

Women could be equal or higher earners than their partners but still find it difficult to leave without suffering financial difficulties or even just having to downsize from a lifestyle they are happy with.

OP posts:
BonnieBobbin · 08/07/2023 00:25

I loved the home and standard of living I had before I married DH. I've always been financially independent. I chose to marry him because I liked him. He's smart, funny, interesting, caring and sexy af.
Now, if you asked him if he'd leave me, he'd admit his finances and standard of living have improved immeasurably because of me. So yeah maybe he's only with me because he doesn't want to go back to his old way of life ... Grin

whiskyinthejaro · 08/07/2023 00:26

No way, we are a happy team! But am superstitious so won't say more. 🙂

HighEndGrifters · 08/07/2023 00:26

Who would realise that I have reached the end of my rope, silently pour me a glass of wine and put shit TV on for us to watch?

Beezknees · 08/07/2023 00:26

I left mine and I have been piss poor but happy ever since!

Original poster
NoLeaveIt · 08/07/2023 00:27

I’m feeling a little jealous of you all with happy relationships and supportive partners

OP posts:
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