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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the majority of women would leave their DH/DP

460 replies

NoLeaveIt · 07/07/2023 23:47

…. If they could have the same standard of living and home without them.

I’m interested to see what proportion of MNetters are actually happy with their lives with their partners rather than just trapped by practicalities of life and finances.

OP posts:
wildlifeobserver1 · 08/07/2023 06:37

I would have the same standard of living without him.
This is why I know should shit hit the fan, I am free to leave.

And this is why I’m such a big advocate for women having their own solid career and not being financially dependent on their partner.

Milk2SugarsAndAShotOfYourFinestValium · 08/07/2023 06:39

Hopelessromatic · 08/07/2023 02:12

Well I was like alot of the ladies on here .I was so in love with my husband. I couldn't wait to get home from work to be with him . I still got butterflies when he got dressed up in his nice suit and couldn't wait to get him into bed even after over 30 yrs together , but then I found out he was in long term affair and my world fell apart , so now we're heading for divorce and I have to go it alone . I'm jealous of you ladies who have found decent men . You really are so lucky as you have won the best prize of all, the love lottery !!

I’m so sorry.

To be fair this could happen to any of us who think we’re done and have found ‘the one’. AFAIK my DH is my best friend, he’d never cheat and it’s forever. But you thought that too. The only thing that will confirm this is time. shrug

Affairs are so fucking messed up. What is wrong with people?? End one before you start another FFS.

Are you doing okay @Hopelessromatic ?

HairyToity · 08/07/2023 06:41

Never. DH and I are a team.

bbyno2 · 08/07/2023 06:42

I wouldn't but can definitely see some friends that would

Yellowlegobrick · 08/07/2023 06:46

I could easily afford to be without dh, im happy with him

Mapples · 08/07/2023 06:50

Holibobby · 07/07/2023 23:52

I’m single and a lot of my friends seem quite envious that I get to do what I want when I want. Most people moaning about their OHs stay for financial reasons.

I get to do what I want (except shag other men i suppose which I have zero desire to do). Invariably I want to spent a lot of time with the man I love, but he doesn't stop me having my own life. Are they more referring to the burden of children?

OP I am fortunate in that I could afford a nice lifestyle by myself which affords me the freedom to know I can leave if I'm unhappy (I'm not unhappy). I can imagine there are women who want to leave who feel they can't because of money, but I really don't think it's the case that most would leave.

MaryJean87 · 08/07/2023 06:50

No, I love him. I'm happiest when he's around.

SpanglySpaniels · 08/07/2023 06:52

I could afford a great standard of living without DH. But life would still be poorer, less funny, less fun, less romantic. He’s lovely and we’ve always been a great team.

However, a couple of nights apart a week (when one or other of us is away for work) does us the world of good.

daysleepers · 08/07/2023 06:52

Perfectly happy with DH, been together many many many years but wouldn't have it any other way 🙂

Holly60 · 08/07/2023 06:52

I could leave if I wanted. I love him and my life would be more boring without him

Wallywobbles · 08/07/2023 06:55

I could absolutely have the same standard of living but I'd stay. I'm very lucky to have a really useful DH.

Elephantinasandstorm · 08/07/2023 06:56

Nope. I like mine. Does he annoy me sometime? Sure, as I do him.
I would lose like holiday or 2 a year financially only and some more on car etc (low outgoings) or save less, so not massive change, but...
No I love mine. He is good, cleans, cooks, sorts things when needed. Quite evenly spread household based on whoch chores we hate/like. He or I do bit extra if the ither does extra work hours etc.
I was picky and went through few with attitude, pocked doer, funny and he lived away from family so self sufficient.
No kids but even if we did have them, he wouldn't just sit on his arse because he isn't the type. He is very "needs doing, will do" type.

Late 30s, early40s. In friendship group (it's an international mix if that makes difference) I would say it's 3rd maybe not that happy, couple staying for kids, everyone else plods around nicely as far as we know. Few extreme lovebirds too.

Re high earnings. You don't have to be a high earner to live ok. Our household could run on single NMW income (basics like bills, food etc) . That's how I set it up.

10HailMarys · 08/07/2023 06:58

I’ve been with my DP for 20 years and I love him to bits. He’s the kindest, funniest, loveliest man I’ve ever met in my life and I would absolutely not want to leave him.

User135644 · 08/07/2023 06:59

NoLeaveIt · 07/07/2023 23:47

…. If they could have the same standard of living and home without them.

I’m interested to see what proportion of MNetters are actually happy with their lives with their partners rather than just trapped by practicalities of life and finances.

How romantic.

IncompleteSenten · 08/07/2023 07:01

The tenancy is in my sole name and I make enough money. I don't need him for those reasons.

wouldn't have the same standard of life without him because him simply not being in my life would make it worse.

EnterFunnyNameHere · 08/07/2023 07:02

Not me personally, but I think more generally you're probably right.

In my case, I think it's probably helped by the fact we don't have DC, and that life administration is pretty well split. I think having DC has the potential to bring huge resentment to a marriage if one becomes the default parent (and the other lets that happen).

I also think it helps that I'm earning a decent wage myself, certainly enough that I wouldn't be totally on the bones of my arse alone, which means I can enjoy my DH a bit more? As in, knowing that both of us are choosing to stay committed to each other, neither party feels like they are are being forced to stay, means that we're happier to stay? Not sure I'm explaining it well, but if I was forced to eat a cake I would enjoy it less than choosing to eat a cake if that makes sense!!

Jazzybean · 08/07/2023 07:03

DH is genuinely my best friend (god I know 🤢). We have a lot of fun, and I’d be lost without his organisational skills 😂

DustyLee123 · 08/07/2023 07:04

I would. I’d love it if he moved out and let me buy him out.

Solitaryasanoyster · 08/07/2023 07:06

I would, in a heartbeat.

MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 08/07/2023 07:07

I can't vote as I use the app but.... no way!
He's the love of my life, my soul mate.
I've been with him longer than I haven't been with him!

strawberry2017 · 08/07/2023 07:13

I think about this a lot. I think I would leave.

RedVanYellowVan · 08/07/2023 07:14

DH is my best friend so l love having him in my life. However I am considerably more wealthy than him (never let a man be too involved in your finances) and could walk away and buy my own house at any moment. I don't expect to ever want to do that but it gives a great amount of security knowing that I could.

Opals23 · 08/07/2023 07:14

YANBU. Lovely that so many are posting about happy relationships, but looking around me I’d say it’s far from the norm or majority. Most people in long term relationships (especially with children) are not particularly happy IME but stay for a variety of reasons, not just financial - stability for children, fear of the unknown, convention, lethargy, lack of desire for anything better, etc.

Understandably on the thread people are generally more keen to say they are happy than the inverse - and this is even more true in real life! But when you really get to know couples very few are genuinely happy, particularly post - children.

Namechange828492 · 08/07/2023 07:14

I wouldnt
DH is super annoying but I love having the bugger around 🤣

cuckyplunt · 08/07/2023 07:16

Oh stop being so fucking stupid, you know precisely nothing about other people’s lives.
Happily married women do not post about being happily married on MN.