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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to cook?

292 replies

BumbleBee2023 · 07/07/2023 14:11

Probably a really petty AIBU for a Friday afternoon but hey ho!

My MIL comes round most days for dinner, She'll happily eat whatever DH cooks but when I cook for her I get constant complaints.
"You haven't used enough salt." "I don't like eating that anymore. It doesn't taste the same these days." Etc.
The other day I cooked a big roast dinner and used plenty of salt and pepper as I knew she'd complain.. for her not to even eat it. Just looked at it and told me there wasn't enough salt and threw it in the bin in front of me!

I've told DH I'm no longer cooking for her as I find it rude & a waste of food.
AIBU? To just not dish her any food up and eat my meal in front of her?

OP posts:
Daffodilsandbees · 07/07/2023 14:15

Why can’t she just add salt to her plate, and keep her rude comments to herself. Definitely not unreasonable to refuse to cook for her. You can probably think of some phrases like “I’m cooking tonight MIL, so I’ll let you get your own dinner later at home as I know you don’t like my lasagne”

Sirzy · 07/07/2023 14:16

Tell her she can cook for herself!

TomatoSandwiches · 07/07/2023 14:17

MIL needs to go in the bin, rude woman.

snackqueen12 · 07/07/2023 14:24

TomatoSandwiches · 07/07/2023 14:17

MIL needs to go in the bin, rude woman.

This!!!!
How bloody rude. She can cook for herself then.

catlovingdoctor · 07/07/2023 14:24

I wouldn't have her back in my home after that rudeness, what a vile way to behave!

TrundleWheel76 · 07/07/2023 14:25

If someone threw my cooking in the bin for no good reason I wouldn't be cooking for them ever again!

Your DH can cook for her or she can eat before she comes round.

Luxell934 · 07/07/2023 14:26

Your husband just stood by and watched his Mother throw away a plate of food you’d just cooked without even trying it??

Aquamarine1029 · 07/07/2023 14:27

That vile cow wouldn't be setting foot in my house, nevermind eating my food. Time to put your foot down and grow a backbone, op. It's fucking outrageous that your husband allows his mother to get away with that behaviour.

murasaki · 07/07/2023 14:30

She is so rude. But yes, why didn't 'd' h tell that was appalling behaviour? I'd not.cook for her again, and would go out if she came round.

Bloodyleaverspartybollocks · 07/07/2023 14:33

Why is she there every night?

Original poster
BumbleBee2023 · 07/07/2023 14:34

Luxell934 · 07/07/2023 14:26

Your husband just stood by and watched his Mother throw away a plate of food you’d just cooked without even trying it??

Oh no, he did say "bumblebee this tastes great. One of the best meals you've cooked." Right in front of her.

I was a bit to shocked at the time to say anything. Never had anyone actually throw my cooking away, not even my dc do that!

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 07/07/2023 14:36

Why does she come round to dinner every night?
I would absolutely hate that and wouldn't tolerate it whatsoever- never mind the rudeness

Original poster
BumbleBee2023 · 07/07/2023 14:37

Bloodyleaverspartybollocks · 07/07/2023 14:33

Why is she there every night?

Cultural thing. Think I may become an atheist and disown my culture to put a stop to the visits!

OP posts:
LaylaLjungberg · 07/07/2023 14:39

Be brave. Stand up for yourself and just ask her what her problem is.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 07/07/2023 14:41

I would just stop cooking for her. If she demands to know why, just tell her that she clearly thinks everything you cook is rubbish so best not to even try,

AdoraBell · 07/07/2023 14:42

Never cook for her again. Either she eats at her home or DH cooks.

StopMindlesslyScrolling · 07/07/2023 14:44

She threw away a whole plateful of food in the bin, in front of your DC?

What kind of lesson do you think this is teaching your kids?

Did you not say "there are starving children in Africa MIL, and you just threw away a plate of perfectly good food instead of putting a bit of salt on it to meet your tastes?"

She would not be coming to my house again unless she apologised to me, in front of the DC, and explained what a stupid, wasteful and rude thing she did and how she would never, ever do it again.

No apology, no entrance to your house. Who cooks the dinner is the least of your problems here.

What a rude woman.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 07/07/2023 14:49

Isn't your DH worried that his mother is regressing to 18 month old behaviour? Because if my mother behaved like that, I'd be extremely concerned. But then my mother behaved like a lady and not like a rude baggage.

Absolutely stop cooking for her. Either DH cooks or you cook for yourselves and she can have one of those £1 quiches from Aldi heated up in the microwave.

Also tell her that having a lot of salt in the diet is extremely bad for blood pressure.

SBHon · 07/07/2023 14:52

The only person who’s petty is your MIL.

And your DH isn’t much better. Complimenting your cooking isn’t direct enough. He could have told her not to waste food, not to speak so rudely, not to be a negative role model in front of the children. And so could you.

Thebigblueballoon · 07/07/2023 14:57

Ban her from the house. Your husband can go round to her place and cook for the miserable cow. There’s no excuse for wasting food like that.

Lacucuracha · 07/07/2023 14:59

Definitely stop cooking for her.

Why can’t she cook for herself?

takealettermsjones · 07/07/2023 15:01

BumbleBee2023 · 07/07/2023 14:34

Oh no, he did say "bumblebee this tastes great. One of the best meals you've cooked." Right in front of her.

I was a bit to shocked at the time to say anything. Never had anyone actually throw my cooking away, not even my dc do that!

Show quote history

That's not enough! Sticking up for you properly would sound like, "Mother, that was appallingly rude and you can either be nice to my wife or stop coming round, you choose."

Honestly I would tell her, and absolutely stop cooking for her. And tell your husband he's being a wet wipe.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 07/07/2023 15:03

Your DHs response was just passive aggressive and really quite pathetic. If my DH stood there and not said anything while his mum threw a plate of food I'd just cooked in to the bin then he'd be following her out of the door. Not that he'd need to because I would have spoken up in the first place.

Yanbu to not cook for her any more though. Maybe wait for her to appear and then ask what she's making for you all today 😁

Cakesandbabes · 07/07/2023 15:03

Do you know what's beautiful on cultures? They evolve. Like into microwave dinner for one....

Culture, no culture, this level of disrespect shouldn't be tolerated. Bet you she wouldn't tolerated it.

GimmeSleep · 07/07/2023 15:06

I would cook everyone else something, then when MIL said something point her in the direction of the toaster.