Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to cook?

292 replies

BumbleBee2023 · 07/07/2023 14:11

Probably a really petty AIBU for a Friday afternoon but hey ho!

My MIL comes round most days for dinner, She'll happily eat whatever DH cooks but when I cook for her I get constant complaints.
"You haven't used enough salt." "I don't like eating that anymore. It doesn't taste the same these days." Etc.
The other day I cooked a big roast dinner and used plenty of salt and pepper as I knew she'd complain.. for her not to even eat it. Just looked at it and told me there wasn't enough salt and threw it in the bin in front of me!

I've told DH I'm no longer cooking for her as I find it rude & a waste of food.
AIBU? To just not dish her any food up and eat my meal in front of her?

OP posts:
ClairDeLaLune · 08/07/2023 09:21

That is beyond rude. Absolutely disgusting behaviour to waste food like that. I wouldn’t have her in the house again. Your DH needs to grow a pair and tell her this.

CrunchyCarrot · 08/07/2023 09:24

I would say 'OK this isn't really just about my cooking, is it. Please tell me what your grudge is against me, because I don't accept it's just how much salt there is in my cooking.'

Clearly there's more to this than your cooking OP. Throwing perfectly good food in the bin like that is really rude and she's doing it to provoke a reaction.

Plus, your DP has to stand up to her, in fact he should be telling her your home is off limits until she apologises and stops behaving in that manner.

2bazookas · 08/07/2023 09:24

What did DH say about her terrible behaviour, binning food she'd been offered?

Howdidtheydothat · 08/07/2023 09:30

MIL is jealous. DH complimented your food. MIL reacted badly. She is trying to be number 1 in sons life and putting you in your place as number 2.
Try some reverse psychology.

UKhere · 08/07/2023 09:32

Culture and religion is not the same thing denouncing religion you would become an atheist denouncing culture would mean you can think for yourself

UKhere · 08/07/2023 09:33

What has Africa got to do with this there are starving people in the UK and US

BeverlyHa · 08/07/2023 09:43

If this woman insisted one more time to visit my home or pretend is a family to me , I would honestly ask my husband is he married to me or to her and how he has never dealt with her appropriately

Countingdowntodecember · 08/07/2023 09:48

BumbleBee2023 · 07/07/2023 15:56

She would throw the mother of all hissy fits, I've said it to her before and she'll behave herself for a while and it starts again.

Show quote history

Let her throw the mother of all hissy fits. No one should be treating you like that, especially not in your own home.

Nanny0gg · 08/07/2023 09:53

BumbleBee2023 · 07/07/2023 14:11

Probably a really petty AIBU for a Friday afternoon but hey ho!

My MIL comes round most days for dinner, She'll happily eat whatever DH cooks but when I cook for her I get constant complaints.
"You haven't used enough salt." "I don't like eating that anymore. It doesn't taste the same these days." Etc.
The other day I cooked a big roast dinner and used plenty of salt and pepper as I knew she'd complain.. for her not to even eat it. Just looked at it and told me there wasn't enough salt and threw it in the bin in front of me!

I've told DH I'm no longer cooking for her as I find it rude & a waste of food.
AIBU? To just not dish her any food up and eat my meal in front of her?

I don't know about not cooking for her as she wouldn't be coming in my house anymore if I was there!

Who does she think she is??

Nanny0gg · 08/07/2023 09:54

BumbleBee2023 · 07/07/2023 14:34

Oh no, he did say "bumblebee this tastes great. One of the best meals you've cooked." Right in front of her.

I was a bit to shocked at the time to say anything. Never had anyone actually throw my cooking away, not even my dc do that!

Show quote history

But why didn't he ask her to leave?

Batalax · 08/07/2023 09:54

Dh needs to be the one to tell her. This would be a hill I’d die on. He needs to make it clear he stops insulting you or neither of you will make her welcome in your home.

You have a dh problem. He is allowing her to get away with awful behaviour.

MrsRaspberry · 08/07/2023 09:55

She's disrespectful. Why is your hubby not saying anything in your defense? She's showing your kids its ok to be rude to you and that's not on. I'd be making it clear she's not welcome in your home until she learns some respect and if your husband wants to see his mother he can take himself to hers for a visit

Nanny0gg · 08/07/2023 09:56

BumbleBee2023 · 07/07/2023 15:56

She would throw the mother of all hissy fits, I've said it to her before and she'll behave herself for a while and it starts again.

Show quote history

So? Let her throw a hissy fit.

In fact, throw one right back!

Culture does not exonerate this level of rudeness

And why doesn't she stay at home?

Janella · 08/07/2023 09:57

I actually wouldn't stop doing the cooking. Why change your routine for a guest?

My stance would be either DH and I do the cooking in a routine that suits us (e.g. maybe I'm home from work first or he is doing another household job that evening) and MIL would be instructed to only put on her plate food she will eat. A bit like a toddler - this is the only food option, you can have plenty of salad alongside but you do not waste hard earned money by throwing perfectly good food away.

Become a team with your husband - don't let him team up with her.

Shinyandnew1 · 08/07/2023 09:57

Why on earth didn’t your DH do something.

Things he should have done:

-tell her not to be so rude
-tell her that isn’t how you react to people who cook you a meal in their own house.
-tell her that she wasn’t welcome for dinner anymore until she apologised and stopped this childish and petulant behaviour.

What is wrong with your DH that he enables this horrendous behaviour?

Nanny0gg · 08/07/2023 09:58

katepilar · 08/07/2023 08:45

She wont know what the problem is. I think its just general anger and frustration in her life that she is venting this way. These people dont usually realise what is going on.

I assume her son is also shocked and doesnt know what to do, which I am not surprised about.

Show quote history

Or she's just a bloody bully!!!

Stop making excuses for these people. Some really are just horrible

Thelnebriati · 08/07/2023 09:59

Whatever you make tell her your DH cooked hers, and give her a ready meal.

Nanny0gg · 08/07/2023 09:59

Janella · 08/07/2023 09:57

I actually wouldn't stop doing the cooking. Why change your routine for a guest?

My stance would be either DH and I do the cooking in a routine that suits us (e.g. maybe I'm home from work first or he is doing another household job that evening) and MIL would be instructed to only put on her plate food she will eat. A bit like a toddler - this is the only food option, you can have plenty of salad alongside but you do not waste hard earned money by throwing perfectly good food away.

Become a team with your husband - don't let him team up with her.

Doesn't sound like she's a guest because I don't think the OP wants her to come!

Kugela · 08/07/2023 10:00

I remember my ex MIL used to insult my cooking and exH didn’t stick up for me. I solved the problem by getting divorced Smile

I’m now married to a kind, respectful man who wouldn’t dream of letting anyone be so rude to me.

Isolationendurance · 08/07/2023 10:01

She doesn't sound well.

pilates · 08/07/2023 10:02

I am sure this is not cultural just a very rude ignorant person. Can you share your culture to see if anyone on here from the same culture would back this up?

LT1982 · 08/07/2023 10:04

TomatoSandwiches · 07/07/2023 14:17

MIL needs to go in the bin, rude woman.

Extremely rude! Especially in a cost of living crisus when food is so expensive it's disgusting and disrespectful to put a perfectly good meal in the bin!

Justplainsadmad · 08/07/2023 10:08

😱

JulieHoney · 08/07/2023 10:10

She’s move so far past Rude into absolutely appalling. Draw your line.

Next time she comes over, don’t let her in. “After your disgraceful behaviour last time you were here, you are no longer welcome.” And shut the door.

She can throw all the hissy fits she likes, if you’re not there to see her. Nor answer her phone calls.

After a few months to eat on her own reflect, she may see things differently.

mummyinireland · 08/07/2023 10:19

I’d cook but then get DH to say he made it and see what she does…