To refuse to cook?

[BumbleBee2023]

Probably a really petty AIBU for a Friday afternoon but hey ho!

My MIL comes round most days for dinner, She'll happily eat whatever DH cooks but when I cook for her I get constant complaints.
"You haven't used enough salt." "I don't like eating that anymore. It doesn't taste the same these days." Etc.
The other day I cooked a big roast dinner and used plenty of salt and pepper as I knew she'd complain.. for her not to even eat it. Just looked at it and told me there wasn't enough salt and threw it in the bin in front of me!

I've told DH I'm no longer cooking for her as I find it rude & a waste of food.
AIBU? To just not dish her any food up and eat my meal in front of her?

How about setting a plate in front of her, pouring out the contents of the salt cellar on the plate in front of her, and saying, enjoy your dinner MIL, because that's all you're getting in this household from here in out.

The only thing you are being about is adding "plenty" salt to food at all - it's not the 1950s and we really shouldn't be cooking with much salt at all, if any.

By all means refuse to cook for her. Or tell her you are giving up cooking with salt as it's much healthier for the family and she can bring her own salt and season her food to taste if she wants to.

Good lord, no one asked for dietary advice about salt.

OP don't cook for her again, easy as that. What a rude woman.

This really isn't a salt issue...

What 'culture' is this where it's deemed acceptable to be outstandingly rude?

And, dear God, why are you putting up with it?! I'd be laughing at her.

“And this children I’d how never to behave”

You’re showing your children yots ok to accept abuse

You get treated as you allow in my view. Hell would freeze over before I made the woman anything ever again.

When my children were learning manners, they both had a moment of being outstandingly rude about what was put in front of them, despite having been told that such behaviour was rude, and not to do it.

Without a word, I got up, binned their food, told them they were excused, and kept on eating my dinner, myself. They got the message.

I’d stop having her over altogether with comments like that. How extremely rude. No, never cook her another meal again.

Op I meant this can’t just be about the food, putting in the bin without tasting is so passive aggressive it must be something else she has against you? It’s like she has already decided she is not going to eat your food no matter what. Is she fine with you with everything else?

I'd tell her she ought not to eat so much salt at her age, you're just looking after her health. She wants to be rude, two can play that game.

He needs to grow a pair and tell his mother that her behaviour isn't acceptable. She wouldn't be in my house again after that, let alone at my dinner table.

She's doing it deliberately and there is nothing wrong with your cooking.

I'd be tempted to have some fun and have DH dish up something you made earlier, claiming he cooked it (and vice versa) and see what she does.

But seriously, anyone who threw something I'd made in the bin would never be cooked for again by me. So rude!

Wait, did nobody say to MIL that she hadn't even tasted it and she was being really fucking childish and rude ? No way would that slide in my house, no fucking way.

I'd tell her never to come back, but if that would cause too much conflict in the family, I would refuse to serve her food. I'd lay places for everybody else and tell her, in no uncertain terms:

"There's not point in me cooking for you, because you have criticised everything I've ever made; and after your inexcusable rudeness and and tantrum, throwing it in the bin, I won't be wasting my efforts on food for you ever again. You acted like a spoiled brat and I've had enough of it.

Without the spoilt brat bit if you want a chance of remaining civil.
But you may not

Perfect

I would cook for her one more time. Serve it up. Lock eyes with her and vigorously grind far too much salt onto her dinner. Tell her you know how much she loves salt and how you hope that's enough.

Not really obviously, I wouldn't waste my energy or money but it was a fun little fantasy. 🤣

Or salt!!

Mmm my first response is her feet would not touch the floor as she was ejected from my house and told she was no longer welcome nor ever would be again.

However it does sound like she is goading you for such a response... so irritatingly I think you have to stamp on that desire and do something else.

Have DH dish up/finish off all cooking, so she thinks its he who has cooked no matter who actually cooked it.

Don't cook at all - order takeaway some days or eat before she arrives/after she is gone.

But with all these options do not say a WORD to her about it, just carry on as normal, pleasant but bland etc... so she will be fuming she has no can to kick!

So he didn't actually point out to his DM how rude she was being towards you, which is what he needs to do.

I'd give her the choice of eating what's served to her and being civil or staying at her own house where she can not only choose what to cook but how much seasoning needs adding.

Of the many, many MIL threads started every day on here, the answer for every single one is- IT’S YOUR HUSBAND THAT’S THE PROBLEM.

What culture says a rude ignorant person can ruin every evening in someone else’s home? Your heart must sink every time she steps foot in your house. Does she have a key? Change the locks. Let DH go and cook for her at her house if he thinks she’s so bloody marvellous. I think I’d rather enjoy her hissy fits. And he needs to step up to stop you being abused by her,