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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to cook?

292 replies

BumbleBee2023 · 07/07/2023 14:11

Probably a really petty AIBU for a Friday afternoon but hey ho!

My MIL comes round most days for dinner, She'll happily eat whatever DH cooks but when I cook for her I get constant complaints.
"You haven't used enough salt." "I don't like eating that anymore. It doesn't taste the same these days." Etc.
The other day I cooked a big roast dinner and used plenty of salt and pepper as I knew she'd complain.. for her not to even eat it. Just looked at it and told me there wasn't enough salt and threw it in the bin in front of me!

I've told DH I'm no longer cooking for her as I find it rude & a waste of food.
AIBU? To just not dish her any food up and eat my meal in front of her?

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 08/07/2023 06:13

Just don't serve her anything next time. "I don't want my food thrown in the bin like last time. No one can afford to waste food like that these days".

JaneorEleven · 08/07/2023 06:16

BumbleBee2023 · 07/07/2023 15:56

She would throw the mother of all hissy fits, I've said it to her before and she'll behave herself for a while and it starts again.

Show quote history

Let her throw a hissy fit then. And when she does, tell her that she’s no longer welcome until she brings her manners.

You’re an adult, with children of your own. Stand up for yourself. And while you’re at it, have a serious word with your husband.

the whole scenario is unacceptable. Stop accepting it.

caringcarer · 08/07/2023 06:21

StopMindlesslyScrolling · 07/07/2023 14:44

She threw away a whole plateful of food in the bin, in front of your DC?

What kind of lesson do you think this is teaching your kids?

Did you not say "there are starving children in Africa MIL, and you just threw away a plate of perfectly good food instead of putting a bit of salt on it to meet your tastes?"

She would not be coming to my house again unless she apologised to me, in front of the DC, and explained what a stupid, wasteful and rude thing she did and how she would never, ever do it again.

No apology, no entrance to your house. Who cooks the dinner is the least of your problems here.

What a rude woman.

This. Cultural or not I'd not allow her to set foot in my home again and I'd start by telling DH to back me or lose me because of it.

pollykitty · 08/07/2023 06:27

Changington · 07/07/2023 20:55

I would cook for her one more time. Serve it up. Lock eyes with her and vigorously grind far too much salt onto her dinner. Tell her you know how much she loves salt and how you hope that's enough.

Not really obviously, I wouldn't waste my energy or money but it was a fun little fantasy. 🤣

I’m dying 😂😂😂

Caradonna · 08/07/2023 06:43

What culture is this?
She doesn't want your food and wants her DS to cook for her every night?

I'd let that happen then go for a walk after the meal so they are also left to clear up.

Codlingmoths · 08/07/2023 06:46

BumbleBee2023 · 07/07/2023 15:56

She would throw the mother of all hissy fits, I've said it to her before and she'll behave herself for a while and it starts again.

Show quote history

I can’t see why a hissy fit is such a problem given her shitty behaviour anyway. Just message her every day you cook ‘im cooking dinner tonight so you are not invited over.’ and don’t let her in.

IncompleteSenten · 08/07/2023 06:49

Let her throw a hissy fit. Maybe she'll stop coming round for a bit.

She doesn't give a shit about upsetting you so why should you care if she tantrums because she's told how rude she is?

But yes, your husband needs to cook for her from now on.

And you need to tell her that it's because she is so rude about your cooking that you are not willing to allow her to waste any more food or any more of your time.

ThinWomansBrain · 08/07/2023 06:51

let her know which days you'll be cooking and tell her to stay home and fend for herself - or DH can batch cook for her to microwave.

diamondpony80 · 08/07/2023 06:58

I think you said you have children? In which case I would tell her that her disrespectful behavior is a bad influence on them and if she was to ever set foot in my home again I would expect an apology and for her never to behave like that again.

In our house, we were brought up to eat what was put in front of us, and be grateful for it. And especially grateful if we were eating in someone else's home (whether we liked it or not). It's just good manners!

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 08/07/2023 06:59

I wouldn't be having her over at all after that. You shouldn't have to have someone so unpleasant in your home every evening. That's very unfair on you.

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 08/07/2023 07:00

It's the summer. Take your DC out for a picnic supper, let your DH sort her out. Do this several times.

What a shame your doctor has advised a very low salt diet, no salt in meals any more.

But salt isn't the issue really, is it? She's just a nasty woman and you shouldn't have to see her more than very occasionally.

You need to model to your DC that you won't accept being treated badly. Show them how to deal with people like MIL. If you don't they will grow up to either mimic her or think it is ok to be submissive in the face of abuse. Get your DH on board with this. If he won't stand up for you, consider the value of your marriage.

Branwells77 · 08/07/2023 07:02

That is absolutely awful how rude she I wouldn’t be cooking for her again if your food is so bad (which I don’t believe for one second it is) MIL can cook for herself your husband needs to back you up on this and put this awful woman in her place she would never sit around my dining table again.

JudgeRudy · 08/07/2023 07:04

Your MIL is rude and most likely being passive aggressive which in my eyes makes her both spiteful and a coward.
I wouldn't be cooking for her anymore but tbh my real question is why is your MIL eating with you so often? She's at yours most days? * *

Katela18 · 08/07/2023 07:05

Luxell934 · 07/07/2023 14:26

Your husband just stood by and watched his Mother throw away a plate of food you’d just cooked without even trying it??

This!
My husband would be horrified if his mother did this, he absolutely wouldn't have just stood by and watched. But he also wouldn't keep inviting her round if she constantly complained so perhaps you have a husband problem!

JudgeRudy · 08/07/2023 07:08

I'm guessing here but let's say you're Jewish and it makes sense to prep and eat meals together..... why don't you suggest going to her home instead and she can show you how it's done.

Frogpond · 08/07/2023 07:08

What did DH say about you refusing to cook for her anymore? I like the idea of going out for a picnic with the kids. If she comes over serve her a microwave dinner from now on. A cheap one.

Billben · 08/07/2023 07:09

Just looked at it and told me there wasn't enough salt and threw it in the bin in front of me!

My jaw hit the floor reading this 😱😡

Cultural or not, you simply cannot carry on with this charade. There is no excuse whatsoever for behaviour like this. If she doesn’t already know this at her age, then she needs to be taught.

Threenow · 08/07/2023 07:15

She wouldn't be getting one more meal out of me. She could either sit and watch me eat, or stay at home and cook her own. YANBU.

HaveYouHeardOfARoadAtlas · 08/07/2023 07:19

Changington · 07/07/2023 20:55

I would cook for her one more time. Serve it up. Lock eyes with her and vigorously grind far too much salt onto her dinner. Tell her you know how much she loves salt and how you hope that's enough.

Not really obviously, I wouldn't waste my energy or money but it was a fun little fantasy. 🤣

I was thinking the same, pour half a cup of cheap table salt over her plate and tell her to eat up! 😁

Herejusttocomment · 08/07/2023 07:20

Not only would I stop cooking for her, I'd show her the door!!

Adding too much salt is bad for you and stops you from enjoying the actual flavours so if she wants to give herself a heart attack she's free to add salt to her own plate. What she's actually doing sounds like a power move and it's incredibly rude.

DH needs to have a strong word with his mother.

Deathraystare · 08/07/2023 07:22

she can have one of those £1 quiches from Aldi heated up in the microwave.

Haha! That is evil! I would know someone really hates me if they served up microwaved quiche!!!

Deathraystare · 08/07/2023 07:25

Your MIL is rude and most likely being passive aggressive

Yes. Her way of getting to the OP. So childish.

HairyBanana · 08/07/2023 07:32

Culture may bring her to your house but her rudeness and childish behaviour is not cultural. It's disrespecting you in your own home, and damaging influence for the kids, who do not need to see an adult behaving like a child, or someone being disrespectful to their mother. You and DH need to give her the boot.

bussteward · 08/07/2023 07:35

Buy her a salt lick for her birthday.

Zanatdy · 08/07/2023 07:45

Wow extremely rude, and no I wouldn’t be cooking for her either