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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to cook?

292 replies

BumbleBee2023 · 07/07/2023 14:11

Probably a really petty AIBU for a Friday afternoon but hey ho!

My MIL comes round most days for dinner, She'll happily eat whatever DH cooks but when I cook for her I get constant complaints.
"You haven't used enough salt." "I don't like eating that anymore. It doesn't taste the same these days." Etc.
The other day I cooked a big roast dinner and used plenty of salt and pepper as I knew she'd complain.. for her not to even eat it. Just looked at it and told me there wasn't enough salt and threw it in the bin in front of me!

I've told DH I'm no longer cooking for her as I find it rude & a waste of food.
AIBU? To just not dish her any food up and eat my meal in front of her?

OP posts:
Luxell934 · 07/07/2023 15:07

BumbleBee2023 · 07/07/2023 14:34

Oh no, he did say "bumblebee this tastes great. One of the best meals you've cooked." Right in front of her.

I was a bit to shocked at the time to say anything. Never had anyone actually throw my cooking away, not even my dc do that!

Show quote history

Right, but did he actually address the issue directly with her? Because it's just so unbelievably rude to do that to someone who's just cooked for you. DH should have made it clear thats not acceptable in your home. Did she not eat at all then after that?

How old is she? Is she normally so rude? Could she be showing signs of an illness?

magicstar1 · 07/07/2023 15:21

I'd be cooking dinner for myself and dishing her up a plate of salt. Don't cook for her again.....and your husband needs to say a lot more to her about this!

huntingcunting · 07/07/2023 15:28

So unbelievably rude. What was stopping her just adding some salt and pepper to the food if it wasn't salty enough for her?
Ridiculous woman.
And why should you put everyone else's health at risk by shoving loads of salt into the food - especially as she's eating there most nights.

I would absolutely refuse to cook for her. DH can cook. Or she eats at home.
MIL, going forwards, I won't be providing meals for you any more as you aren't happy with my cooking and I don't want to put my family's health at risk with too much salt and I also object to people throwing perfectly good food in the bin. So you'll need to eat at home in future or you're welcome to make yourself some toast here if you'd prefer.

Sugaristheenemy · 07/07/2023 15:34

My MIL comes round most days for dinner, She'll happily eat whatever DH cooks but when I cook for her I get constant complaints

She come round for dinner EVERY DAY only to complain about the food she’s served? And you let her? WTF is going on? 🤣

PeachesOnTheBeaches · 07/07/2023 15:35

I wouldn’t allow her to visit again after that.

TempName247 · 07/07/2023 15:48

I’d be tempted to cook for her again but with excessive salt in her portion!

Catosaurus · 07/07/2023 15:48

Your DHs response was pathetic.

Catosaurus · 07/07/2023 15:50

It’s not about the food at all though, is it.

Watchkeys · 07/07/2023 15:52

Have you ever said anything to her? Like 'I won't be spoken to/treated like that in my house. If you keep doing that, you won't be welcome any more.'

Original poster
BumbleBee2023 · 07/07/2023 15:55

No it's not about the food, it's the simple lack of respect after I slaved away for two hours in a hot kitchen on a hot day.

She doesn't have an illness, she's not old or infirm. That I would be able to forgive.

OP posts:
Original poster
BumbleBee2023 · 07/07/2023 15:56

Watchkeys · 07/07/2023 15:52

Have you ever said anything to her? Like 'I won't be spoken to/treated like that in my house. If you keep doing that, you won't be welcome any more.'

She would throw the mother of all hissy fits, I've said it to her before and she'll behave herself for a while and it starts again.

OP posts:
ironorchids · 07/07/2023 15:56

When she threw the food in the bin in front of you, DH needed to directly defend you and tell her behaviour is unacceptable and she needs to leave.

Anything less is grounds for divorce!

Backstreets · 07/07/2023 15:57

What a rude cow

UncleRadley · 07/07/2023 15:59

What have I just read! Let her throw a hissy fit. In fact tell her to cry you a river. On her way home to eat her own food on her own house. Jesus.

UncleRadley · 07/07/2023 16:00

Or just delegate all cooking to your dh on days she is there, on the grounds that's the only food she'll eat. I expect the daily visits will be nipped in the bud pdq.

TomatoSandwiches · 07/07/2023 16:03

Op, perhaps you could cook something but let her believe DH made it and once she's scoffed the lot, praised her wonderful son 🙄 you can let her know she's wolfed down your cooking.

shams05 · 07/07/2023 16:05

How long has this been going on for?
I'm surprised you've not list your rag at her.
Next time she makes a rude comment, I'd get up from the table, clear away her food and tell her you can't be dealing with this every time you've cooked so best for her to just eat at home

Lalabright23 · 07/07/2023 16:09

Just give her a plate with a small pile of salt on at dinner time.

Eveninginparis · 07/07/2023 16:10

Sirzy · 07/07/2023 14:16

Tell her she can cook for herself!

This ^

StopMindlesslyScrolling · 07/07/2023 16:17

She can cook for herself in her own home.

There is no need for her to come to your house every evening just to throw food that you have cooked in the bin; I'm still shocked at the needless waste of this!

Newestname002 · 07/07/2023 16:35

Catosaurus · 07/07/2023 15:48

Your DHs response was pathetic.

Yes it really was - what is he expecting to come out of what he said to her after she consistently is so utterly disrespectful to you? He should be telling her she should stay at home if she behaves anything like this from this point onwards. And in any case maybe you should both agree she doesn't come over so much... 🌹

Grumpy101 · 07/07/2023 16:49

Wtaf? She threw away your food in front of you? And DH didn't defend you? I would not have her in my house ever again, fuck cooking for her

jeaux90 · 07/07/2023 16:51

Weapons grade rudeness. I would not be tolerating that.

SpringleDingle · 07/07/2023 16:54

You don’t have a MIL problem you have a husband problem. He needs to tell his mum not to be rude to you or not to visit. And no I wouldn’t cook for her.

Mumtothreegirlies · 07/07/2023 17:14

Never mind not cooking for her again she wouldn’t set foot in my house again either!! That’s abuse!