To ditch pregnant guest?

Sofasandslobbies · 2023-07-06T23:01:42+00:00

Old friends visiting for a long weekend. They are usually quite hard work but they are long term friends who are good with our elderly parents and 4 DCs so we tend to go along with it and accept it as a character part of their personality. we’d arrange for them to visit and we have got DCs looked after with the plan to go out out, lots of drinks etc. DP and I have not been out kid free for over a year. Theyve arrived this afternoon with the great news they are expecting DC1. Really great news and we’re super excited for them. She now, understandably, doesn’t want to go out. Feels tired and sick. Are we being unreasonable (DP and I?) to say they can make themselves at home, but we’re still going?? We really need this night out and getting 4 DCs looked after is no mean feat with limited family available.

Grimchmas · 07/07/2023 00:06

I would!

takealettermsjones · 07/07/2023 00:07

Can you have a night in, make some cocktails etc, she can go to bed when she wants?

Barleysugar86 · 07/07/2023 00:08

I think you need to ask them what they'd like you to do, and be prepared to stay if that's the way they are hinting.

I have some super close friends that would tell us to go and have fun and really mean it- but generally I think most people would probably find it rude if you leave your guests in your house alone if they are feeling too unwell to go out.

Poppyseedbagels · 07/07/2023 00:09

Go out!

Chewbaccaslime · 07/07/2023 00:09

Did they not tell you beforehand they couldn't do the night out? That's a bit shit TBH.

TumbleweedRolling · 07/07/2023 00:12

Of course you don’t go out!
How weird!

Original poster

Sofasandslobbies · 07/07/2023 00:12

Chewbaccaslime · 07/07/2023 00:09

Did they not tell you beforehand they couldn't do the night out? That's a bit shit TBH.

No they didn't but I think that's because they wanted to do the big pregnancy announcement.

OP posts:

Lavender14 · 07/07/2023 00:17

I would talk to them and see what they want to do, perhaps you could meet in the middle since you've already arranged childcare and do cocktails and mocktails in the house first and then when she's feeling ready to call it a night then the rest of you head out? If I was hosting then I probably wouldn't leave them unless they were OK with it. But if they aren't OK with it then they're being a bit unreasonable. My guess is she's early enough on that she hasn't wanted to tell you before and then it was just nicer for them to do it in person. I'd try to go for your night out and maybe do things the rest of the time that she can join in on. It can be lonely when you've bad morning sickness etc.

NewNameNigel · 07/07/2023 00:21

Did they know that you had planned this big night out? If so I think it's quite rude for them to turn up and expect you to change plans last minute. Surely they could have made up an excuse to plan a night in if they wanted to save the announcement.

Original poster

Sofasandslobbies · 07/07/2023 00:21

Lavender14 · 07/07/2023 00:17

I would talk to them and see what they want to do, perhaps you could meet in the middle since you've already arranged childcare and do cocktails and mocktails in the house first and then when she's feeling ready to call it a night then the rest of you head out? If I was hosting then I probably wouldn't leave them unless they were OK with it. But if they aren't OK with it then they're being a bit unreasonable. My guess is she's early enough on that she hasn't wanted to tell you before and then it was just nicer for them to do it in person. I'd try to go for your night out and maybe do things the rest of the time that she can join in on. It can be lonely when you've bad morning sickness etc.

This is great advice. Thank you :-)

OP posts:

Original poster

Sofasandslobbies · 07/07/2023 00:23

NewNameNigel · 07/07/2023 00:21

Did they know that you had planned this big night out? If so I think it's quite rude for them to turn up and expect you to change plans last minute. Surely they could have made up an excuse to plan a night in if they wanted to save the announcement.

Definitely aware. Was a group plan for a long time and they are aware how hard childcare is for us. Were still saying how much they were looking forward to it right up to arrival.

OP posts:

QS90 · 07/07/2023 00:26

It's a bit harsh to ditch them. Have they travelled far? Do you see them often? If I'd just done a long journey to make the effort to see someone, only for the host to disappear off I'd be upset. If you see them quite a lot and it wasn't that much effort for them to visit you then possibly, but still probably not tbh.

Maybe try and enjoy your child-free time in a way you can all enjoy? A meal out for example can also be more enjoyable (or at least definitely quieter) with just grown-ups.

Ouchee · 07/07/2023 00:27

One day when she has her baby and needs a break she'll realise what she did with the 'big pregnancy announcement!'

I agree to having a drink at home and then apologise that the babysitter is already booked and you need to go out still. There is no one I would let ruin my plans !

Saschka · 07/07/2023 00:28

They are being incredibly wet, but no you can’t leave overnight guests sitting at home while you go out partying. There is no way that isn’t rude, sorry.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 07/07/2023 00:37

They were probably under the misguided notion you would just be happy to see them! I would stay in, but then I do tend to socialise a lot round people's houses as its easier when they have kids.

Verbena17 · 07/07/2023 00:37

Really not the polite thing to do - have house guests for a weekend and then to go out, leaving them behind. Surely you’d be super happy for them expecting and have take out and drinks at home 🤔.

Onthemaintrunkline · 07/07/2023 00:38

No you don’t go out, you’ve got guests…what do you think, leave them there alone! Unbelievable.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 07/07/2023 00:39

I also don't think they should have warned you in advance, they wanted to tell you face to face and thought you would be happy, and adaptable. I think it's a bit of a mistake to pin your one night out in over a year on someone else like this, and I hope they don't see this post describing them as odd.

nocoolnamesleft · 07/07/2023 00:42

So you plan to go out and get smashed without them, and then probably be too hungover the next day to interact? Great hosts.

TumbleweedRolling · 07/07/2023 00:44

But I do think them doing a whole dramatic pregnancy announcement was stupid and a mistake on their part.
I don’t know why anyone, whose is not a attention seeker bore, would ever do that, or think anyone cares that much.

Angliski · 07/07/2023 00:54

God I would go out. They knew that was the plan- have dinner with them and send her to bed with your blessing.

Hankunamatata · 07/07/2023 00:57

Have you booked table to eat out etc? I'm guessing they don't realise how much effort you have gone into arranging a child free night and how much you were looking forward to going out. She's probably thinking you would be just as happy having a drink in the house and catching up.

I don't think you can ditch your guests

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 07/07/2023 00:58

Ouchee · 07/07/2023 00:27

One day when she has her baby and needs a break she'll realise what she did with the 'big pregnancy announcement!'

I agree to having a drink at home and then apologise that the babysitter is already booked and you need to go out still. There is no one I would let ruin my plans !

This. They sound very selfish.

SemperIdem · 07/07/2023 01:01

Yanbu - go out anyway.

comfyshoes2022 · 07/07/2023 01:03

Barleysugar86 · 07/07/2023 00:08

I think you need to ask them what they'd like you to do, and be prepared to stay if that's the way they are hinting.

I have some super close friends that would tell us to go and have fun and really mean it- but generally I think most people would probably find it rude if you leave your guests in your house alone if they are feeling too unwell to go out.

I agree.