Page 3 | To ditch pregnant guest?

Sofasandslobbies · 2023-07-06T23:01:42+00:00

Old friends visiting for a long weekend. They are usually quite hard work but they are long term friends who are good with our elderly parents and 4 DCs so we tend to go along with it and accept it as a character part of their personality. we’d arrange for them to visit and we have got DCs looked after with the plan to go out out, lots of drinks etc. DP and I have not been out kid free for over a year. Theyve arrived this afternoon with the great news they are expecting DC1. Really great news and we’re super excited for them. She now, understandably, doesn’t want to go out. Feels tired and sick. Are we being unreasonable (DP and I?) to say they can make themselves at home, but we’re still going?? We really need this night out and getting 4 DCs looked after is no mean feat with limited family available.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 07/07/2023 03:43

Goldbar · 07/07/2023 03:28

So they let you organise a babysitter and make reservations knowing they were going to spring this on you and bail?

Nah, fuck it! That's extremely inconsiderate and self-centred and I'd still be going out. They can share the TV with the babysitter.

Exactly!

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 07/07/2023 03:44

ChekhovsMum · 07/07/2023 03:28

Has everyone who is posting trashing the pregnant guest actually had exhaustion and sickness in the first trimester? It comes at random, and it’s debilitating. She probably thought this morning that she’d be up for going out, didn’t want to let her other half or you down, and now knows she made a mistake in coming but can’t say so.

If a guest had started feeling sick for any other reason, what would you do?

Tuck them in and go out! They've got their spouse handy.

Frogpond · 07/07/2023 03:45

If you can’t cancel and still have to pay the babysitter I would still go

MysteryBelle · 07/07/2023 03:53

takealettermsjones · 07/07/2023 00:07

Can you have a night in, make some cocktails etc, she can go to bed when she wants?

This is best.

CapEBarra · 07/07/2023 03:55

She’s going to be in bed by 8.30pm anyway and since you have childcare you may as well make the most of it. Take her DH and make a night of it.

Astsjakksmso · 07/07/2023 04:07

ChekhovsMum · 07/07/2023 03:28

Has everyone who is posting trashing the pregnant guest actually had exhaustion and sickness in the first trimester? It comes at random, and it’s debilitating. She probably thought this morning that she’d be up for going out, didn’t want to let her other half or you down, and now knows she made a mistake in coming but can’t say so.

If a guest had started feeling sick for any other reason, what would you do?

The exact same thing.
As a guest, if I was feeling sick I would stay home. Why should everyone else's fun be ruined because of me? In any case if I'm sick the last thing I want is to be chatty and sociable, even at home.

So I would do the same to a guest. Some people are needy and have strong FOMO, they can't bear other people having fun without them

Lacucuracha · 07/07/2023 04:22

Sofasandslobbies · 07/07/2023 00:23

Definitely aware. Was a group plan for a long time and they are aware how hard childcare is for us. Were still saying how much they were looking forward to it right up to arrival.

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They they’ve been spectacularly selfish. Please go out and have a great night.

How are they hard work, are they generally selfish and entitled?

Lacucuracha · 07/07/2023 04:23

takealettermsjones · 07/07/2023 00:07

Can you have a night in, make some cocktails etc, she can go to bed when she wants?

Did you even read the OP, she wants to go out, it’s their first child free night in a year.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/07/2023 04:45

ChekhovsMum · 07/07/2023 03:28

Has everyone who is posting trashing the pregnant guest actually had exhaustion and sickness in the first trimester? It comes at random, and it’s debilitating. She probably thought this morning that she’d be up for going out, didn’t want to let her other half or you down, and now knows she made a mistake in coming but can’t say so.

If a guest had started feeling sick for any other reason, what would you do?

I have. But I would not do what this friend has done. I’d say go out without me. I now have chronic fatigue and other ailments. I literally dont go out in the evening.

Trez1510 · 07/07/2023 05:01

ChekhovsMum · 07/07/2023 03:28

Has everyone who is posting trashing the pregnant guest actually had exhaustion and sickness in the first trimester? It comes at random, and it’s debilitating. She probably thought this morning that she’d be up for going out, didn’t want to let her other half or you down, and now knows she made a mistake in coming but can’t say so.

If a guest had started feeling sick for any other reason, what would you do?

I'd agree with them when they insisted everyone else should continue with the original plan while they took time to rest/recover from this entirely unexpected event.

Trez1510 · 07/07/2023 05:07

Posted too soon.

I always insist others continue with plans without me when I experience a migraine attack. It's what reasonable people do, isn't it?

Clymene · 07/07/2023 05:20

If she's feeling that unwell, she should have cancelled the visit.

And yes most of us have felt shit in early pregnancy but we don't expect the world to stop because of it.

I'd still go out.

SharonAndTracey · 07/07/2023 05:28

I would feel annoyed but could not leave the guests. I would feel too guilty.

Why has it been over a year since you went out? That’s not the guests’ fault. I also don’t understand why this babysitting is a one-off that can never be rearranged?

sunnydayhereandnow · 07/07/2023 05:40

Tbh I think YABU and you're being a bit pathetic here. I know it's a disappointment, but can't you postpone the childcare? It's super rude to abandon your guests, and it's not their fault if you haven't arranged a night out for a year! If you have the budget for a night out with lots of drinks, you have the budget to get a babysitter another time. Or go out and do something that suits everyone, like a meal somewhere nice. It's not reasonable to put such huge stakes on someone else wanting to go out drinking with you on this particular evening. What if they didn't feel like it for some other reason?

Frogglingalong · 07/07/2023 05:49

VivienneDelacroix · 07/07/2023 01:53

To me spending time with my friends far trumps a night out knowing they are at home.

I know, right? Maybe I'm being naive because I don't have kids yet but...are these people even OP's friends? Why bother having them over at all if you're not excited to spend time with them and would rather get drunk? I'd be gutted if I visited friend who lived far away and they did this to me.

Shoxfordian · 07/07/2023 05:50

I wouldn’t go out and leave guests at home who were unwell, it’s rude and you must know that really op

youveturnedupwelldone · 07/07/2023 05:56

I'd go out.

I shouldn't think they really have any idea what it means to you and how hard it is to get childcare as they are not yet parents themselves.

I'm sure she is feeling sick and tired (as many of us did in the same situation!) but life goes on right? She can go to bed early.

ZforZebra · 07/07/2023 05:57

I would just ask if she felt up for going out, and if she didn’t then I would let her enjoy a quiet night in. I’d make sure she was comfortable and had everything she needed, including babysitters to watch the kids so she could just relax. But I would not cancel the night out. If she is pregnancy tired, you hanging about the house won’t make a difference, she’ll just want to sleep! Plus her DH can stay with her, or leave early if he comes out with you. YANBU - enjoy your night out!

user1477391263 · 07/07/2023 05:59

Has everyone who is posting trashing the pregnant guest actually had exhaustion and sickness in the first trimester?

Yes, me.

So I cancelled things I wasn't up to in advance, and if I'd unexpectedly started feeling ill hours before a planned evening out that other people had arranged childcare for, I'd be literally urging them to go without me and just leave me with my ginger tea and crackers.

user1492757084 · 07/07/2023 06:07

Definitely go out or they will feel bad.

Make sure another outing is early (lunch time etc) with out door space for the kids to run, with one of you over seeing them, while you and your guests enjoy greenery and light meal.
You could bring a cup of tea in bed to her one moring.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 07/07/2023 06:08

Yeah, as someone who is currently pregnant I'd be happy to have a nice relaxing evening and feel sick and exhausted in peace 🤣 go and enjoy your night. Just check in with her to see if she's ok with it. I'm sure she will be. X

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 07/07/2023 06:28

Why bother having them over at all if you're not excited to spend time with them and would rather get drunk? I'd be gutted if I visited friend who lived far away and they did this to me.

They have a rare child-free weekend and wanted to go out - not sit around at home which is what they do every other night of the year.

The friends knew the plans, said nothing in advance about the pregnancy, turned up and expected everything to be changed around to accommodate them. It's incredibly rude.

GoodChat · 07/07/2023 06:32

It doesn't sound like you're even good friends. You only keep them around because they're good with your parents and kids.

You haven't said a single nice thing about them.

continentallentil · 07/07/2023 06:35

It’s frustrating - but no you can’t go out - you have guests.

continentallentil · 07/07/2023 06:38

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 07/07/2023 06:28

Why bother having them over at all if you're not excited to spend time with them and would rather get drunk? I'd be gutted if I visited friend who lived far away and they did this to me.

They have a rare child-free weekend and wanted to go out - not sit around at home which is what they do every other night of the year.

The friends knew the plans, said nothing in advance about the pregnancy, turned up and expected everything to be changed around to accommodate them. It's incredibly rude.

Well it may be the pregnant guest was feeling fine till now, it also sounds like they are clueless about how tough it can be to arrange babysitters.

But none of that alters the fact that having guests to stay for the weekend, and then going out without them, would be incredibly rude. You could just about excuse it if it was expensive theatre tickets you can’t get refunded or something, but not dinner.