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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ditch pregnant guest?

344 replies

Sofasandslobbies · 07/07/2023 00:01

Old friends visiting for a long weekend. They are usually quite hard work but they are long term friends who are good with our elderly parents and 4 DCs so we tend to go along with it and accept it as a character part of their personality.

we’d arrange for them to visit and we have got DCs looked after with the plan to go out out, lots of drinks etc. DP and I have not been out kid free for over a year.

Theyve arrived this afternoon with the great news they are expecting DC1. Really great news and we’re super excited for them. She now, understandably, doesn’t want to go out. Feels tired and sick.

Are we being unreasonable (DP and I?) to say they can make themselves at home, but we’re still going?? We really need this night out and getting 4 DCs looked after is no mean feat with limited family available.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 07/07/2023 07:23

Why are you even asking? Of course you don’t go out when you have visitors, how unbelievably rude!

Mosaic123 · 07/07/2023 07:23

Can't you just eat out in a beautiful restaurant? Or see a show? Then they can join in.

Drinking is preferable to that?

takealettermsjones · 07/07/2023 07:24

Lacucuracha · 07/07/2023 04:23

Did you even read the OP, she wants to go out, it’s their first child free night in a year.

Show quote history

Nah, you know what, I just chose a thread with my eyes shut and commented at random. 🙄

Lacucuracha · 07/07/2023 07:24

Aprilx · 07/07/2023 07:23

Why are you even asking? Of course you don’t go out when you have visitors, how unbelievably rude!

Of course they can go out.

Lacucuracha · 07/07/2023 07:25

takealettermsjones · 07/07/2023 07:24

Nah, you know what, I just chose a thread with my eyes shut and commented at random. 🙄

Show quote history

It was pretty random, you ignored the main point of the OP.

Marchintospring · 07/07/2023 07:27

If it was that easy to organise childcare for 4 kids, do you not think OP would do it more regularly. It’s taken a YEAR to have 1 free child free night.

This is a bit odd though.

I think it’s maybe cost more than anything.
I’ve babysat for families if 3 or 4 loads of times.
I’ve babysat 4+ kids many times - nights out where parents put their children in one house for the night . It’s pretty normal as long as they aren’t away for the whole weekend.

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 07/07/2023 07:27

You sound like a total user. You don't really like them but they are useful to you but the moment they become less useful you dump them. How are you a friend exactly?

GeriatricMumma · 07/07/2023 07:28

@Lacucuracha
Free accommodation and food?
Where does any of the OP's comments even anywhere near allude to that??

GameOverBoys · 07/07/2023 07:30

Can’t the baysitters re-arrange for next weekend?

takealettermsjones · 07/07/2023 07:32

Lacucuracha · 07/07/2023 07:25

It was pretty random, you ignored the main point of the OP.

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No, I ignored what you think is the main point. Strange as it may seem to you, people can disagree with you without being idiots who can't read.

Aprilx · 07/07/2023 07:33

Lacucuracha · 07/07/2023 07:24

Of course they can go out.

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Of course you do not go out when you have guests. This place is absolutely barking sometimes, bares no semblance of what people actually do in the real world. When you have visitors for the weekend, you make plans with them, you spend time with them. This is what real adults do however much you want to pretend differently.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 07/07/2023 07:34

I think because they don’t have children they never fully realised how much the evening out means to you. It’s not the best form to leave guests while you go out.

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 07/07/2023 07:48

When you have visitors for the weekend, you make plans with them, you spend time with them.

They did make plans.

And then the guests shat all over the plans without consulting their hosts.

CaptainMyCaptain · 07/07/2023 07:49

I haven't read the thread but if I was pregnant with morning sickness (I had it very badly) I would have been very grateful if everyone cleared off and left me to my own devices especially if I'd had a long journey that day.

fruitbrewhaha · 07/07/2023 07:49

How annoying. You can’t go out and leave them that would be weird. But now you know you can organised childcare you can sort it for another night. You do t have wait years for a night out.

WTFAreYouForReal · 07/07/2023 07:50

Sofasandslobbies · 07/07/2023 00:12

No they didn't but I think that's because they wanted to do the big pregnancy announcement.

Show quote history

I'd go out.

Matildahoney · 07/07/2023 07:51

I'm 14 weeks pregnant and have just managed a non seated concert for 7 hours, tell her to have a nap in the afternoon and not be so bloody precious! Yes I was exhausted after but I just relaxed and slept the next day! That's good I got through my exhaustion, so wrong of her to ruin a night out for everyone else!

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 07/07/2023 07:53

Matildahoney · 07/07/2023 07:51

I'm 14 weeks pregnant and have just managed a non seated concert for 7 hours, tell her to have a nap in the afternoon and not be so bloody precious! Yes I was exhausted after but I just relaxed and slept the next day! That's good I got through my exhaustion, so wrong of her to ruin a night out for everyone else!

You do realise that not all pregnant women feel the same/have the same symptoms don't you?

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 07/07/2023 07:54

Onthemaintrunkline · 07/07/2023 00:38

No you don’t go out, you’ve got guests…what do you think, leave them there alone! Unbelievable.

Quite!

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 07/07/2023 07:55

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 07/07/2023 07:48

When you have visitors for the weekend, you make plans with them, you spend time with them.

They did make plans.

And then the guests shat all over the plans without consulting their hosts.

Really inconsiderate of her to get pregnant.

Sunflowering · 07/07/2023 07:56

I wouldn't go out, no - it's rude to your guests (who presumably aren't thinking "well, we're quite hard work but they tolerate us so we'll suck it up") and you'll be hungover next day while they'll be fresh as daisies- it would affect the whole weekend. But I would try to make new plans soon for a night out just you and DH.

DisquietintheRanks · 07/07/2023 07:58

TumbleweedRolling · 07/07/2023 00:12

Of course you don’t go out!
How weird!

^Um this. You invited them, so you don't just get to fuck them off. Next time don't invite people you don't want to spend time with.

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 07/07/2023 07:58

Really inconsiderate of her to get pregnant

Actually, it's incredibly inconsiderate to think your pregnancy trumps everyone else's pre-made plans. If you're that tired or sick then you stay home, or let your hosts know in advance that you want to change plans.

You don't pretend like everything is normal, show up at their house and then dump it on them that you're pregnant and won't be going out after all - even though yesterday you were acting like everything was fine.

DeliciouslyDecadent · 07/07/2023 07:59

Old friends visiting for a long weekend. They are usually quite hard work but they are long term friends who are good with our elderly parents and 4 DCs so we tend to go along with it and accept it as a character part of their personality.

Why are you friends with t hem if they are 'hard work'?

They sound as if they are at different life stages.
You have 4 kinds, they are having their first.

Maybe you ALL need to re think the friendship and where it's heading?

Is there a big age gap between you, or you just got ahead of them with having kids? You've got elderly parents, they are having their first child. How old are you all?

I think that as they are your guests, you ought to do what they want.
On the other hand, if they knew a while ago she was pregnant AND your plans to go out, they could have told you sooner.

If she is literally weeks pregnant, they probably didn't want to tempt fate with an early announcement especially if they have been trying for some time to have a child.

I think this is one of those ah-ha moments when you might need to accept your lives are on different paths.

I hope you sort this weekend out but the kindest thing to do would be to accommodate her needs.

BadgesforBadgers · 07/07/2023 08:01

Basically what you are saying is that your night out is paramount, on a level above sharing and celebrating in your friends news.

When you have guests you can't just leave them at home because you want to go out and they don't.

It's incredibly rude and it sounds like you use them as an excuse to go out.

You obviously have a babysitting/childcare issue that needs more thought if you can only go out once a year. You may need to adjust your expectations of what a big night out is so you can back at a time that a babysitter would deem reasonable.