No baby at destination wedding

[GreyToBlack]

We have a destination wedding (2-3hrs flight) where both myself and husband are good friends with the couple. They had planned no kids inc babies both ceremony and reception before we discovered we were expecting. They won't budge on it. My husband is a groomsman.

We tried to find someone to fly with us to look after our 4 month old but to no luck. We are not fortunate to have family close by, husbands parents live abroad and my dad (mum has passed) is ill and gets stressed out with things like this. We had already booked our flights and accommodation and since we have no one I thought to not go to the wedding day, to spend the day sightseeing. However, now I just feel like I'll be missing out, theres the second day but its not the actual wedding which I'd have liked to be at. All of the mates going have no kids and so will be attending. My husband will probably come back pissed on the wedding day.

I am trying to see it as a holiday but the more I do the more I just realise I am probably not going to have as much of a good time as I'd hope. AIBU for wanting to cancel my flights and stay with baby at home? I get why couples choose not to have kids at their wedding but asking mums to separate from their babies and to do so abroad is a real stretch, especially when my husband is part of the wedding party. Just feels like a real bummer.

I think I'd cancel all of it, if that's what my DH wanted as well. And the 3 of you go somewhere for you 3 instead. If my DH wanted to be a part of the wedding I'd leave him be and just distract myself for the day with the baby. Given that he's part of the wedding party. What does your DH want to do?

YANBU to feel how you feel but they aren't being unreasonable for having the wedding they want either.

I think the fact it’s a destination wedding is more selfish of the couple than a childfree wedding tbh!

I personally would cancel and stay at home, it’s up to DH if he goes on his own or not.

Just don't go. Fuck spending all that money to be a babysitter

I'd go if it's already booked and non-refundable, but I found travelling with a four month old quite easy as they were still napping a lot, solely breastfeeding and non-mobile! I'd find a museum or other site to occupy me.

If refundable I probably wouldn't bother.

I hate child-free weddings which don't allow babes in arms.

I'd also tell DH he was in charge of sorting childcare for the family wedding. So annoying if the guy assumes all the childcare will be arranged by the wife.

Lol. I can only imagine the fucking Mumsnet thread.

I wouldn't go and I'd be really pissed off if my husband went.

I don't think many new mothers would leave their baby with local babysitters or nannies.

Why is she sitting like a 1950s house wife in the apartment?? Go do something nice with her little one, nap with them, go to a park, have a picnic, hangout a cafe. She won’t be locked in.

That's a shit plan. I wouldn't go and neither would DH. Family wedding, ok. Friends, no. His life has changed and so has yours. He needs to wake up.

I wouldn't go on the trip and I'd expect to be able to spend enough for me and baby to have a nice time (maybe go somewhere you would enjoy being with the baby, or just stay home and pay for really nice delivery/home help/a friend to come stay/etc.) just as he is. Also would not go to his home country for a wedding without plans in place that you trust for a babysitter. Unless there's reciprocal stuff going on that you haven't mentioned, your DH is being very dismissive of the sacrifices he is requiring of you that he has no intention of making himself - in order for him to carry on without the baby affecting his life as dramatically. Don't just put up with it because it will set the tone for the rest of your family life and it can be very difficult to break.

It's shoddy. You shouldn't have to feel like you're banished and lurking around so no one has to see your horrifying secret - gasp- Child. Just don't go. Expect an apology from these friends once they have kids of their own, they don't understand what they are asking of you I suspect (hope).

Good grief, I wouldn’t leave my four month with anyone, full stop.

Why “once” they have children of their own? Bit rude. Some people can’t have children and some just don’t want them.

Just don’t go to the wedding, have a nice weekend away.

I think very few countries have an equivalent to our DBS. Most places, at best, you'd have a criminal records check. But DBS is a lot more than that.

Getva grip?? What?
I wouldnt leave my child with a sitter in the uk unless I knew them. And there's no way I'd leave a tiny baby with a stranger in ANY country.

If you've paid for the apartment and flights in full why don't you, DH and your baby go on the holiday as planned and scrap the wedding all together?
As a new bride I would completely understand your situation, at the end of the day they have told you they are not willing to move on having children at their wedding (which is totally acceptable and their choice) and I understand not making exceptions because then it's just a huge can of worms and ends up a huge political nightmare because one rule for one etc
You deserve a get away and it would be nice for you to get out of your normal surroundings.
Where is the destination? Go sightseeing and enjoy some lovely food and drinks as a family, then all attend day 2 as a family so you've been with the whole wedding party x

I’d also try to recoup the money and change to a family holiday. I wouldn’t go if I couldn’t take my 4 month old as it’s a huge amount of time, expense and effort some someone else’s wedding. No way.

@Failingjuggler
Get a grip? Jesus Christ!
No one in their right mind would leave their baby with a stranger in a foreign country! I would be reluctant to leave my tiny baby with a family member in the UK who have raised their own children.

Babies are noisy, distracting and need a lot of attention. An adult party, wedding or any other party, is no place for babies or little kids and it's unfair on the adults.

I just wouldn't go.

A 2-3 hour flight with a 4 month old, then back again a couple of days later? No thank you!

Destination weddings are, frankly, a pain in the arse. They are expensive to attend, eat up your annual leave - people who have destination weddings are extremely inconsiderate of their guests.

Honestly I just wouldn’t attend. I don’t think I’d be up or down about partner going- I’d support him if he still wanted to go. But personally I would skip the whole thing. I’ve missed family weddings here because of kids not being allowed and me breastfeeding. I think it’s fine to have child free weddings but the couple can’t expect that everyone will definitely attend if that’s the blanket rule either.

They booked the flights before baby even existed. It’s in the OP