No baby at destination wedding

[GreyToBlack]

We have a destination wedding (2-3hrs flight) where both myself and husband are good friends with the couple. They had planned no kids inc babies both ceremony and reception before we discovered we were expecting. They won't budge on it. My husband is a groomsman.

We tried to find someone to fly with us to look after our 4 month old but to no luck. We are not fortunate to have family close by, husbands parents live abroad and my dad (mum has passed) is ill and gets stressed out with things like this. We had already booked our flights and accommodation and since we have no one I thought to not go to the wedding day, to spend the day sightseeing. However, now I just feel like I'll be missing out, theres the second day but its not the actual wedding which I'd have liked to be at. All of the mates going have no kids and so will be attending. My husband will probably come back pissed on the wedding day.

I am trying to see it as a holiday but the more I do the more I just realise I am probably not going to have as much of a good time as I'd hope. AIBU for wanting to cancel my flights and stay with baby at home? I get why couples choose not to have kids at their wedding but asking mums to separate from their babies and to do so abroad is a real stretch, especially when my husband is part of the wedding party. Just feels like a real bummer.

Destination weddings are a nightmare - every one I've ever heard of has created loads of problems. Weddings are stressful enough already for everyone without adding in a bloody long haul flight and all that nonsense.

They really shouldn’t say no babies, especially when it’s so far away.

In your shoes I’d stay at home with your baby, and plan to do something nice with friends or keep yourself busy at baby groups etc. If you were staying in a hotel with a pool that’d be one thing, but 2/3 hour flight with a baby for a weekend and to not even get to go to the wedding? Send DH and stay at home.

Embarrassed?

They had their wedding, the way they wanted to. Why should they be embarrassed ?

Absolutely this, these people are not your friends, friends don’t make life difficult for each other. All this “my precious wedding” fuck that. Your DP should not be going either, spend your money and you time with people who accept your whole family

I'd have thought that as he's expecting you to miss the family wedding if there's no childcare, he'd be happy to take a hit himself and miss this one so that was your both kind of on an equal footing.
You both stay home and miss this one then the one back home you let him go whilst you look after baby.

They aren't unreasonable to want an adult only wedding, and you aren't unreasonable to not want to leave your baby to attend.
I must admit I'm surprised at the amount of posters who can't think of any reasons as to why the happy couple don't want any babies at their wedding.

I don't think I have ever been invited to a child free wedding. Actually, I have but my kids were iolder and enjoyed staying with their cousins while we were away.

Genuinely, in your circumstances, my dh would not go. Or he would be the one to spend the day with the baby and let me go. As my kids were bf that would have meant only going for a couple of hours. Not worth it if abroad.

In short, both is us would send our apologies. United and all that.

Personally I’d not go but then the thought of travelling with a 4 month old only to stay in an apartment in a city would not be something I’d be interested in.

It’s a shame but it is what it is, once you have kids there are a lot of times where you have to compromise and someone ends up missing out (or both of you sometimes!). That’s just life with young kids I’m afraid.

stay home, enjoy the baby bubble and save your money!

He can go for the ceremony and speeches then come back to the apartment so you can go to the evening do for a bit?

I wouldn’t go. I wouldn’t be that fussed on my husband going either.

There is no way on God’s green earth I would have left either of my four month olds with an unknown nanny or babysitter.

I don’t understand why you booked flights before you knew if baby was invited?

I would go to the holiday, pack a special outfit for LO still and hope the b&g change their mind before the wedding.

All those being horrified at kids not being allowed have clearly not attended a wedding that a baby has screamed through while the parents pretend not to notice 🙄

My XH travelled a lot for work when DS1 was a very young baby and I'd tag along if I liked the sound of the place - I actually found a few days in a hotel easier than home. No cooking or washing or cleaning up to do! Just chill out together and explore a little.

It gets harder as they get older but when they're still very portable and not mobile, quite doable. So I'd consider that if you actually like the destination! If not it definitely sounds like too much hassle.

I can understand no kids to a point but family kids Should be invited IMO and babies under 6 months cos a lot of the time they are breastfed what’s the baby meant to do without the mum it’s ridiculous

My thoughts exactly! If I've spent hours and hundreds, possibly thousands of pounds, organising a one-off occasion centred around my partner and I, with several quiet/serious parts, I don't want the disruption of screaming babies or young children at any point, not least because it is unpleasant on a sensory level for me, and I don't think that's anything to apologise for either tbh.

In this particular circumstance they are not good friends. Not really.

Good friends would make allowances for a new baby.

Good friends would prefer their good friend to attend rather than be left alone in an apartment.

Crikey how far in advance did you book the flights if it was before you were pregnant and now the baby is here! We're the flights cheap booked far in advance? Will you lose much money?
In your situation I'd just give your apologies and stay home.

I have never attended a wedding that involved travel and didn't allow my nursing babes in arms. I've also never been comfortable leaving my children with an unknown person. I didn't go, and that included SIL's wedding. My husband didn't go either by his choice, for reasons I won't bore anyone with. Maybe this is why social circles can change so much when we have children? We gravitate to people who 'get it'. If there's something nice you can do during the wedding, I'd do that. Otherwise give your apologies and do something as a family.

If you are the first of your friendship group to have a baby you are going to find a lot of things will be different now unfortunately. You are in a different stage of life from the rest of them. Your priorities will be different.

I would not have been happy to leave a 4 month old with a total stranger either. I don't think telling a new mum to get a grip is helpful

asking mums to separate from their babies and to do so abroad is a real stretch

They didn't ask this though.

You chose to have a baby AFTER they had booked and invited you to the wedding.

So you politely request that they be removed from the ceremony.

I think destination weddings are fine, and I think child free weddings are fine.....I think a child free destination wedding is a lot to ask of guests to be honest, we have a destination wedding next year and it is costing us a lot of money and we are using a lot of holiday days, I wouldn't do all that and leave my child at home - that would mean we couldn't have a holiday with her.

If they really won't budge OP, then you will have to bow out, you just then need to decide if you're going on holiday with your husband and the baby, or you send him on his way and you have a few days at home without him.