About DH aversion to some foods

[Hereinthismoment]

DH has some foods he really hates, not just he doesn’t like eating it but can’t stand the smell or appearance or anything. Problem is they are fairly standard recipe sort of items so hard to totally avoid.

Hes just been making ugh disgusting type noises again.

I think it’s really rude and he should stop. But wondered what others think.

Sounds like torture. Why should he have to do that to himself?

My parents made me eat things I found repulsive and that made me gag. It didn't magically make me like them, but it did make me vomit on occasion.

Is this directed at me?

I wanted to know if this bizarre behaviour started before or after you married. If it was from day 1, I was curious about why you continued to date him. I still don't know the answer.

Instead of just saying if it's new or longstanding, I get OP repeatedly saying, 'why do you want to know!' 'I already said!', 'you're weird for asking!'

Anyway, you're the one who has to deal with that unhinged behaviour. Irreconcilable differences is a phrase that springs to mind. Created for situations just like yours, of not being able to eat normally in your own home.

It seems that the gagging could be involuntary. But honestly if it's that bad to cause gagging he need to go to a doctor.

But the comments and eeeww noise are not involuntary and just rude. He sounds like he is using his discomfort around certain foods to get you to not eat or cook them. Which is manipulation, but it's hard to know how unpleasant that is when it's likely a mental health or neurodivergent issue.

Either way though manipulating your partner is healthy or normal behaviour, I just suppose the reasons are more forgiveable. He needs help.

What would a doctor do?

Yes, @ThatFraggle , it was indeed directed at you.

This thread is marvellously batshit, I love it.

Timeline is

DH starts being a bit of a twat about me committing the hanging offence of eating something he dislikes in his proximity on Wednesday.

I am a bit fucked off and ask on here, what d’you reckon.

Within page one, DH is diagnosed with autism.

Within page two, a full dating history is demanded (i briefly answer that tbf to him DH has only started doing this recently. The poster still whines on for the next four pages that I haven’t answered and she neeeeeeeeds to know.)

By page three I need to LTB.

By page four, an entire country has been ruled out because of the dhis GUSS tang smells that omit from it. Also by page four I am an ableist twat.

I love Mumsnet

Oh and briefly being serious - I’d never expect anyone at all to eat something they dislike. Whether for reasons relating to disability or otherwise. I really don’t like a few things so I just don’t eat them. What annoys me is making a drama out of other peoples choices. It IS really unpleasant for people whether they have an eating disorder or not, and I told DH this several days ago and to knock it off.

It's very odd in MN land. As you said, restaurants and cafes should be full of people gagging and retching, but they are not. It's almost as if adults, regardless of their conditions, can manage to maintain basic civility. I don't think you are asking anything of your DH that can't be managed.

If its not already been mentioned, please look up about Arfid/selective eating disorder.

So eight pages later DH has

Autism
An eating disorder
ARFID
Selective eating disorder

I am

Ableist
Should LTB
Blame DHs mother

Have I missed anything?

I never said he does have arfid/SED I just suggested it's looked up.
It could be the reason for his gagging and it's something which can be worked on. I do wish you and your husband the best with getting over the issue

I know I sound like a twat here but given the first word of that acronym stands for avoidance, logic surely screams this is NOT the issue

You have my sympathies. I used to work with someone who had a very strange relationship with food (would only eat fruit all day) and she would often make comments about how disgusting my food looked or smelt, she was my manager so I couldn’t exactly tell her to shut up, but it drove me mad. I’m pretty sure she had an eating disorder (orthorexia) looking back.

Your husband has every right to not eat foods he doesn’t like, but he should keep his comments to himself and maybe explore why he is having such a strong reaction to certain foods and smells, because I don’t think this is normal behaviour from a grown man.

I can empathise with you @Hereinthismoment. My partner is veggie and hates the smell of fish (which I rarely have due to the fuss he makes). However, occasionally I do have it (I’m taking cold salmon - take it out of the packet and eat it straight away). It does annoy me tho as if he spots me eating it he will start making “ugggh” and “bleuggh” noises which I find really rude and immature - and not nice when I’m eating a food I enjoy. I’m not keen on goats cheese but I wouldn’t make those kind of noises when he is eating it. We have fallen out over it and most recently I got really cross and said I won’t stand for it any longer so I’m hoping he’s got the message! He wouldn’t start making those noises in a restaurant if someone was eating a meal he didn’t like the smell of would he??!

I don't think I could tolerate this. Its up to him what he eats, and where he sits whilst you eat but he doesn't get to dictate what you eat.
Children in my family are taught from a very young age that they can say "no thanks" "I don't like that" or "I don't want that, thank you" but "yuck" "that's disgusting" "eww" etc aren't acceptable when someone has made food for you. It's desperately impolite.

It also reminds me of somewhere I used to work (a cafe) that was happy to replace a cake or drink if it wasn't right - but trying to get customers to realise the difference between "it's bad/burnt/stale" from "I've suddenly discovered I don't like pistachios" was nigh on impossible. I'm not replacing your cake because you don't like the cream in the centre...

What part of ‘but lately’ do you not get?
This thread was infuriating to read, mainly because of posters like you.

What do you mean you still don’t know?

She posted that it started lately. And repeated that to you several times.

I love that you actually asked ‘is this aimed at me?’

Of course it is!

Make him live outside? Throw him some crusts every now and then?

We have a rule in our house - No yucking someone else's yum.
You can say you don't like something, you cannot say it's disgusting, gross, urgh etc. This came from a Facebook page about how to help kids eat healthily.
Just announce to the kids in front of your husband that it's a new rule and remind as needed. I probably have to remind my husband of this rule more than my kids, but only once every couple of months now.

As someone who eats anything put in front of them and likes trying new things, cooking for 3 fussy eaters (DH and 2/3 of the kids) - one of whom has ASD - has sucked enough fun/convenience out of cooking. If they started gagging or going urgh at the smell or someone else eating it, I think I'd just not bother anymore.

Can I add a new 'diagnosis' to the list OP? Has your DH had Covid recently? Because that can play merry hell with one's sense of taste and smell. Certainly did with mine. I was known to say 'yuck that's vile' on more than one occasion when something I thought was going to taste good actually tasted like it was off. Mind you, it was food I cooked, not food someone else made! There are FB groups devoted to smell/taste alterations after Covid - goodness there must be a lot of those folk who are making disgusted noises, and I do feel a lot of sympathy for them having read of their experiences. Fortunately my own taste changes have mainly ameliorated with time, but there are still foods that taste yuck to me.

You said your DH has taken to making these noises recently, that does seem odd and if he wasn't doing it before then it must be something he can control? Seems more like a bad habit he's developed. Most people learn not to be so vocal if they dislike food, out of politeness.

I think you need to talk to him and say “while I accept you don’t want to eat those foods, when I am preparing them or eating them, I insist that you be quiet (& no gurning either) or leave the room. The rest of your family are allowed to enjoy cooking and eating in peace.”

It seems that the gagging could be involuntary. But honestly if it's that bad to cause gagging he need to go to a doctor.

There is hypersensitive gag reflex! I think I’ve got it, as I only have to get a fish or chicken bone in my mouth….I don’t eat fish or poultry in restaurants unless it’s fillets or off the bone, as it’s just too embarrassing to vomit in restaurants! Likewise, when I was pregnant with twins and suffered all the time sickness; I couldn’t brush my teeth, because I could barely eat, never mind put anything hard in my mouth! Opticians also tell me, I have a strong blink reflex - they have real problems, doing certain tests! The eye clinic had to give up!

If DH has a sensitive gag reflex, he’s not just going to be able to control it!

The reaching on this thread is quite something.

The reaching on this thread is quite something.

If and when, you have been told about 5 times, by consultants either about you or DC

”I can expect to see a case of this every 5 years…..”

”I’ve never met anybody, symptomatic with this syndrome before…..We didn’t know anything about it…..” (DD1 is third in the world afaik)

”She’s in our top league and challenging within that….” (1 in a million)

You spent 10 years telling consultants that x, y, z happens; nobody listens until one day someone says “That’s exactly what I’d expect to see…..”; and 20 GPs have told DD2 over 5 year period, that every woman gets period pain…..and the rest of her symptoms are due to anxiety; then it turns out to be endometriosis…..

Then you become more open minded to the idea, there can be logical and rare explanations for things!

I’m being a grumpy arse but there’s a few people who can’t bear for everything not to be about them.

We’ve gone quite dramatically to retching around ripe bananas to rare conditions and consultations with doctors and tbh, it’s a shame I’m sure but start your own thread. It’s nothing to do with a man briefly being a twat. Coz I don’t care how rare your condition is, there is no condition in the land that makes someone make ewwww noises!