AIBU to not want the naughty child in my son's class

[Bingolocco]

My DS is about to start reception and is moving over with a group of children from his preschool. There were 26 in the class of these 13 boys are going into one class while my DS is going into another with only 4 other boys from the preschool
One of the boys is known amongst the parents as being particularly naughty, always in the thinking chair and my DS says he has "nasty hands" and on more than one occasion my DS has been upset from this boy being unkind/rough with him.
My DS would be one of the youngest and I am annoyed that this child has been placed in the same class as my son while a lot of his other friends have gone into the other class.
AIBU for being annoyed about this? It's too late to speak to the school as the children have had their settling in session but I just wish this boy was not in his class.

I feel sorry for his poor kid. Being talked about by all the parents. He's only 4/5 years old.

School will politely (and rightly) tell you to go and raffle yourself if you want to change classes on this basis.

Re-read your message and then imagine how you would feel as a parent if most of the parents are talking about YOUR child like this. You do not know all the issues and there is a really nasty undertone coming from these parents comments. Particularly this 'Just annoying knowing in advance this child is in with my DS and wondering why the teacher made this decision given the child annoys my DS, can only assume he has had issues with most of the class so we've drawn the short straw' Not nice at all. Bullying is something entirely different but someone being 'annoying' is a lesson to learn in not getting annoyed!

Thanks for the replies, feeling a bit better, glad some people could relate to my concerns.

As others have said children talk about their day so pretty obvious which child hasn't been behaving. Parents talk, this was with another parent on a playdate not in the school grounds or where the child would hear. I of course tell my child that the boy is having a hard time and to be kind etc hopefully the boys behaviour improves over the summer

Bingolocco
I think you're taking the right approach with your child.

I told mine that everyone is different and everyone finds different things easy/hard, and everyone has different ways of responding to feelings. I told mine that we don't use the word 'naughty' in our home because it's unkind and I don't expect them to use it about other children. We expect them to be kind and polite with other children, and they're also allowed to walk away and have space when they need it. We also told them that if they were upset by any child's behaviour then they can always tell us or the supervising adults.

I've no doubt some people would say I've taken an awful approach but I tried to balance the requirements of not being unpleasant about other children without invalidating my DC experience. Ultimately school have a duty of care to my DC and for them to be safe, and feel safe.

To be fair, that wasn't the only glaring error in your posts. You also typed "would of", which is not an autocorrect error but a basic grammatical mistake. I don't generally correct people on MN, but it is alarming that a primary school teacher has such poor literacy skills; if I were you, I would actively work on that.

I find grammar policing so annoying and unnecessary! I'm qualified primary teacher but don't currently work, who is dyslexic , I never will say I'm a teacher as people r so quick to jump on posts. Having a tired brain due to newborn is very valid reason for not being grammatically correct! I'm never as hot on it when posting as I'm not working and it takes me so much more effort , no need for this post at all. So I would suggest u continue not correcting people.

YABU. How do you know there isn't a reason this child is being "naughty" has it not occurred to you that this child might be being mistreated at home, and that could be why he's lashing out?? Children this age are never nasty for no reason. If you are going to speak to the school, then it should be from a place of concern, and maybe suggest that they need to dig a bit deeper as to why he's behaving this way?

Op. Children’s behaviour changes, from day to day, year to year. Do not label a child like this. Tomorrow another child could be naughty. Next day someone else. And yes the day after it could be your child being the naughty one. Want other parents to behave as you are?

This. What a nasty post. Who are you to try try to dictate what other children are on your ds's class. There was also a "naughty boy" in my sons nursery class. Ds became good friends with him in secondary and he is now a lovely caring young man who has been a huge source of support for ds over the years. Stop being so judgy of a very young child

Not unreasonable exactly - but the child has to go somewhere, so why not with your son? I get you'd rather this child wasn't with your son, but at some point there will probably be kids who'd rather not be with your son too. Unless this child is especially mean and bullying to yours, just don't worry about it and move on. Your child will mix with many kids in his education, some he'll like, some he won't, and you'll just have to cope with it.

@Luxell934 oh I can assure you there are just as many, if not more, at private schools !!!

@Bingolocco
i knows this is an old post, but wtf is nasty hands?
🤣🤣🤣🤣

I took it to mean hitting others,
Haven't heard anything about this child from DS since the start of the school year so seems to have settled down

We all knew in Reception who the 'naughty children' were. The worst has now done prison 😳.

You only need one or two disruptives to ruin every lesson.

There needs to be far more support, socially, educationally, to try to steer such kids into making better choices.

But, in the absence of that, 13 years of Tory, etc, I get why parents want to avoid having their child share educational space with that child.

I feel sorry for all involved here, your son, the other dc the teachers and the parents.

Unfortunately schools and teacher are not equipped with any knowledge to ease these situations except in very rarely.
I know the impact one difficult child can have on an entire class.

Sometimes very small changes can help but unfortunately our teachers are not taught them and the child won't get support or help.

@Fordian

Did that child leave being able tp read I wonder because the shocking stats are that prisoners in high no can't read.

Our education system is almost condemning them to prison, low self esteem, perpetuating systems and cycles.

Yes funding is an issue we need far more specialist tas to support we need consultants educating school on tips for all sen we need far more educational support like psychologist, proper counsellors... Family help and so on. But... Many short courses are free and not long to do which would also enormously help teachers.

My child was labelled "the naughty child". He wasn't naughty, he had a speech and language delay and made him an easy culprit when it came to being blamed. He couldn't vocalise his feelings or answers like other children. He's also autistic.
But of course, labelling him a naughty was easier than understanding there could be other things at play!

That's a fking hideous outlook. They're small children ffs. Cop yourself on to f*

This has literally made me laugh out loud: ''Edward Nastyhands''
Coming to a cinema near you next September.

There’s a few naughty ones in my DD’s class & they’re really disruptive. One boy dig a pen in a girls hand & told her to fuck off. Teacher said if he hurts the girl 3 times he’ll be moved🙄

I don’t know what the answer is but I feel sorry for the good children who have to put up with it. It might be communication (& I can see from this boys parents this may well be true) but it’s not good to subject other kids to this.

Flaming Norah what a bunch of judgy twatty people 😡

”One of the boys is known amongst the parents as being particularly naughty”

We all knew in Reception who the 'naughty children' were. The worst has now done prison 😳.

mine was 'naughty'

Flagged in nursery aged 2. Diagnosed with ADHD, autism and now suffering with PTSD as a result. Attempted suicide twice, because he was singled out, judged, belittled and persecuted.

To all those who think they 'know' - you don't.

Where on earth have you plucked this beauty from? You
totally made this up.

I feel sorry for the other child, having awful people judging him at 4 years old. I think he's the one who drew the short straw.