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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want the naughty child in my son's class

222 replies

Bingolocco · 04/07/2023 18:53

My DS is about to start reception and is moving over with a group of children from his preschool. There were 26 in the class of these 13 boys are going into one class while my DS is going into another with only 4 other boys from the preschool
One of the boys is known amongst the parents as being particularly naughty, always in the thinking chair and my DS says he has "nasty hands" and on more than one occasion my DS has been upset from this boy being unkind/rough with him.
My DS would be one of the youngest and I am annoyed that this child has been placed in the same class as my son while a lot of his other friends have gone into the other class.
AIBU for being annoyed about this? It's too late to speak to the school as the children have had their settling in session but I just wish this boy was not in his class.

OP posts:
Kevinscousin · 04/07/2023 19:30

This reply has been deleted

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egowise · 04/07/2023 19:30

PeachesOnTheBeaches · 04/07/2023 18:58

YABU. He’s not the “naughty child”. All behaviour is communication.

This

CandyLeBonBon · 04/07/2023 19:32

Goldbar · 04/07/2023 19:17

YABU. Children develop so quickly at this age. If you label him "the naughty child", you're playing a part in his remaining so.

It's far better to phrase it "Tom finds sitting still difficult" or "George doesn't always remember to use kind hands" or "Sophie needs to work on listening sometimes" as these are things the children can actually work on, rather than putting them in a box it can be difficult for them to find their way out of. Every child will have things they find tough and, yes, some of them will disrupt the class, but the teachers will be very experienced in dealing with this as it is common in reception.

This this this ^

Willyoujustbequiet · 04/07/2023 19:34

Yabvu

You have no idea what issues the other child is facing. Hopefully you'll be met with more compassion by other parents should your child ever develop any difficulties.

RedToothBrush · 04/07/2023 19:35

Testina · 04/07/2023 19:01

🤣 you think the other class won’t have any children who need support around their behaviour?

Your son is with 4 (or 3 if you want to ignore this one) other children. Plus - news flash! - in YR you’ll find the boys and girls do mix a lot. So he’s hardly moving up on his own.

This

The other class will have a known 'naughty kid' too.

You are being naive thinking that you can escape 'the naughty kid'!

😂

MissDollyMix · 04/07/2023 19:38

YANBU to be disappointed but they’re still little. I was relieved that the two naughtiest boys from DS preschool weren’t in his class when they started school but by the time they left in year 6 those two boys had actually matured into really good eggs - one in particular turned out to have a strong moral compass. It was other boys who had seemed all sweet in reception who ended up being really unpleasant. That said, they’ll probably swap classes around from time to time. There’s always one or two ‘bigger’ characters in a class. As long as they’re kept in check I think learning to deal with them is just part and parcel of life.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 04/07/2023 19:40

This child is four. FOUR. Quit with your labelling nonsense and let the education system do its job. Poor child...

Tidsleytiddy · 04/07/2023 19:41

Luxell934 · 04/07/2023 19:01

Well not unreasonable really, BUT in state schools there are going to be several "naughty" disruptive children in each class. Trust me, every single class.

Why only state schools? Aren’t any rich kids naughty?

caringcarer · 04/07/2023 19:42

I don't think you are being unreasonable to be upset and disappointed but there's nothing you can do. I would hope the teacher will be keeping an eye on poor behaviour and dealing with it quickly. Remember at play time your DS can still play with his friends in the other class. I think you may find there are often several disruptive children in reception classes. If this child or any other child hurts your child you can go in to complain.

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 04/07/2023 19:42

I'd tell the school I want him in the class with his friends, be firm, don't ask, tell them. Just be aware that there will always be problematic kids in every class.

KvotheTheBloodless · 04/07/2023 19:42

I don't think it's unreasonable to be disappointed, if we were all honest we'd admit to feeling the same - no-one wants their DC to be with a child that hits them.

However - PPs are correct that all classes will have at least one child (likely 2 or 3) with behavioural issues. It's part and parcel of school life, and will teach your child useful skills of coping with conflict and resilience. It's hard, though, there are a couple of kids in my DS's class that are unkind, and it hurts me to see him upset.

The best you can do as a parent is teach your DC strategies to avoid/cope, and raise any issues with the teacher - not focusing on the 'naughty' child, but asking them what they can do to keep your DC safe and happy.

NerrSnerr · 04/07/2023 19:43

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 04/07/2023 19:42

I'd tell the school I want him in the class with his friends, be firm, don't ask, tell them. Just be aware that there will always be problematic kids in every class.

What if every parent did this? For all classes in the school. It'd be carnage.

OhmygodDont · 04/07/2023 19:46

It’s ok to be disappointed. Honestly I was over the moon when I heard little Hannibal wasn’t going to even the same school as my dd.

However as everyone is saying every class does and will have at least one naughty child. Rare as rocking horse shit to get a perfect class, mainly because it would require there being at least a two intake and no more than one naughty child as they will split them up.

Notimeforaname · 04/07/2023 19:47

Not everything will suit you all the time. It's fine though, it's just school.

I dont know a single person who only ever had classes with all their friends,

every day of every school year..and had no mean kids to mingle with.

What you're looking for doesn't exist.

FurryFrigginFrump · 04/07/2023 19:48

OP it’s not up to you

TrundleWheel76 · 04/07/2023 19:49

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 04/07/2023 19:42

I'd tell the school I want him in the class with his friends, be firm, don't ask, tell them. Just be aware that there will always be problematic kids in every class.

In my experience you will get short shrift from.the school. It's not up to parents to decide on classes.

Superdupes · 04/07/2023 19:50

YANBU OP. While all behaviour might be communication and it's not the child's fault, nobody wants their child's start at school to be impacted by another child's behaviour.
Hopefully the school will be better at managing his behaviour OP, otherwise complain every time something happens to your child and ask how they are going to keep your child safe. It will help both your child and the child in question, who will hopefully then have more support put in place for them.

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 04/07/2023 19:50

TrundleWheel76 · 04/07/2023 19:49

In my experience you will get short shrift from.the school. It's not up to parents to decide on classes.

Show quote history

My experience is the opposite.

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 04/07/2023 19:51

NerrSnerr · 04/07/2023 19:43

What if every parent did this? For all classes in the school. It'd be carnage.

Show quote history

But I think OP has a good reason. Her son has been separated from all his pals.

Superdupes · 04/07/2023 19:53

Also DS started in a fairly small class with some very nice seeming boys, by Yr6 it was clear half of them had turned feral. A couple later got kicked out of the local secondary school - and that is a very rare thing.

MetalFences · 04/07/2023 19:54

Nasty hands!!!

You have done a shit job at choosing a decent nursery, if that is how the child's behaviour is referred to, unless he picked up that phrase from you of course.

Fairislefandango · 04/07/2023 19:55

YABU. You will have to get used to your child being in a class with naughty children.

YABU. He’s not the “naughty child”. All behaviour is communication.

Sometimes they are just communicating the fact that they are a pain in the arse. Not when they're 4 though.

Dulra · 04/07/2023 19:55

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 04/07/2023 19:51

But I think OP has a good reason. Her son has been separated from all his pals.

Show quote history

They're 4 he'll make new ones fgs, pre-school friendships rarely last anyway as kids develop and gravitate towards kids with similar interests not who was sitting beside them in circle time 🙈

mikado1 · 04/07/2023 19:56

He may have done some naughty developmentally very normal things but he's four. You're an adult and have shown yourself up very badly here. I feel very sorry for his parents collecting him in front of the 'known amongst the parents' crew who sound so lovely. 🙄

Dulra · 04/07/2023 19:57

TrundleWheel76 · 04/07/2023 19:09

I used to work in a reception class. One year we had many parents warning us about child X, saying they didn't want their child to be near him, that he hits, etc.

Child X turned out to be absolutely no problem at all. No behaviour issues, bright, motivated, etc. Maybe it was just the nursery, maybe he grew up over the summer.

Some of the other children though...

So don't worry. Children change and develop at different rates.

Pretty horrified that parents felt it was their right to inform the school about a particular child's behaviour who the hell do they think they are! Also pretty horrified the school even listened or entertained their gossiping