AIBU to not want the naughty child in my son's class

[Bingolocco]

My DS is about to start reception and is moving over with a group of children from his preschool. There were 26 in the class of these 13 boys are going into one class while my DS is going into another with only 4 other boys from the preschool
One of the boys is known amongst the parents as being particularly naughty, always in the thinking chair and my DS says he has "nasty hands" and on more than one occasion my DS has been upset from this boy being unkind/rough with him.
My DS would be one of the youngest and I am annoyed that this child has been placed in the same class as my son while a lot of his other friends have gone into the other class.
AIBU for being annoyed about this? It's too late to speak to the school as the children have had their settling in session but I just wish this boy was not in his class.

My DD went to the school nursery and is now coming to the end of Y1. One boy who was an absolute tearaway in nursery is now super studious and wins prizes for his maths. Another that was really into rough and tumble play that wasn’t always appreciated by the others has completely calmed down. My own DD grew out of her emotional outbursts and likes to joke about them when she sees the nursery teacher in the playground. Meanwhile a little boy who gave no one cause for concern in nursery is now having violent outbursts- I think he was fine when it was play based but the regimented structure of Y1 has lead to one of those when the wheels come off they come off fast scenarios. You have absolutely no way of knowing how they’ll mature. Not to mention who else will be in the class. Presuming you’ve chosen a school that you think is good? Then you have trust they can manage the classroom and do the best for all of the DC.

Yup mine as well. Still the other parents who gossip all get their own back when it comes to excluding that one kid from class parties. Makes them feel good 🙄

OP YABVU stop labelling kids as "naughty". A child isn't naughty. Label the behaviour not the child. Really not sure what you are expecting in this scenario? Tell the school you don't want your precious son with the naughty boy? Where do you propose they put him?

I expect the child’s parents wish he wasn’t in a class with your son too @Bingolocco I mean when your child is struggling you really don’t want children with parents with attitudes like yours anywhere near them. You may find someone has asked not to be in the same class as yours. It’s a shitty way to behave but some parents do it. Staff will have ways of managing you to limit damage.

What an unreasonable OP
YABVU

I'm curious...how do reception teachers spend a lot of time working out which kids go in a room together, when they've never met them until a settling in session??

My son is almost three and has additional needs. He's not aggressive but is very high energy and can't talk yet so his social/communication skills are behind those of his peers. It really scares me that other parents at nursery might label him this way too.

When I was an early years teacher I used to do it, it takes a long time and thought. There will always be people who are disappointed. Then have a meeting with reception staff and discuss the class choices

OP your expectations of school sound ridiculous tbh. There will be kids of all behaviours, with all manner of challenges etc. I wouldn't pre-worry tbh, difficulties can come from the least expected places. That is a small child who doesn't need your judgement tbh.

"Known amongst the parents" is such a horrible thing
It can be horrible. It can equally be a neutral fact because often children will share what's on their mind.

Once of my DCs came out very upset about another child's behaviour, again, and this had gone on for a while. When they tell me what happened in front of my friend and my friend later says "actually Lola, my DC has also said that the same child has been hitting and hurting them and I'm concerned about the impact on my child", it's not horrible that we know about the child's behaviour. There's no rule that says children shouldn't tell their parents if someone's behaviour upsets them

It would be horrible if we mounted a witch hunt, but I don't think it's horrible for parents to be aware when their children are upset and hurt by another child's behaviour. The reality is if a child's behaviour is as dominant and upsetting as some are, parents are going to know.

Aye, must be great to be fucking perfect. Wait til OPs child is the one expelled as a teenager and she will soon learn where to shove her judgement. I wonder if she's bothered to consider SEN or some form of trauma could be involved in this pearl clutching naughtiness?

Doesn't sound like the "thinking" chair is working, so why on earth are they persisting with plonking a child with a lot of energy to burn on it and making him stay still? You might well find thst the different environment in school does wonders for this kid, or he might still be overwhelmed by expectations and acting out. Ds2 went from nursery to primary with a kid who had been very into pushing in nursery and had matured enough to cope at school.

It’s awful to label him as problematic at preschool age. He’s a child. Perhaps have a bit more empathy & stop thinking your child is more special than everyone else’s.

Dont worry op. Think of this as a positive. Looks like your son is going to learn some resilience and that's not a bad thing.

Explain to your son that if ANYONE has "nasty hands" he is to say "stop" and tell the teacher straight away

My DD was at a pre school and the naughtiest boy was the only one who was going on to her new reception class to be honest I was worried. 24yrs later they are very good friends and that naughty boy is a successful vet. Please don't judge a 3yr old.

The nursery is attached to the school so the nursery teachers plan out the classes based on their observations and assessments of the year. I only asked that my DS goes in with his best friend which they have done. I would not use the phrase nasty hands that's what the teacher calls it and then they go in the "thinking chair* my DS tells me this child is the only one to go in the chair all year.

I'm not really looking for solution as such I know there is nothing I can do and I wouldn't be contacting the school about the classes just wondering if how I am feeling is reasonable.

Just annoying knowing in advance this child is in with my DS and wondering why the teacher made this decision given the child annoys my DS, can only assume he has had issues with most of the class so we've drawn the short straw

'Nasty Hands' sounds like a horror movie character.

One has to wonder at the home life of this child of he is being physically rough at Four, so as to be named 'Nasty hands'.

The worst ones at DS's school were the seemingly 'Nice' kids who were sly and underhand, who would wind the 'Naughty' boys with a stare or a look up so the more vocal 'Naughty' boys got into trouble.

Yabu

So you have written off a 4 year old child before he even starts reception. Shame on you.

I agree generally with the YABUs. But this view about everything being communication I think is wrong - or at least it is as I understand the comment. Some forms of ‘communication’ are not acceptable.

At 4, children need to be given all sorts of leeway and understanding. But it is wrong to hurt and bully and it should always be dealt with, appropriately for the age.

One of the problems with schools now, IMO, is that as children get older they can become more and more disruptive and too little is done for other children’s protection, physically, psychologically and educationally.

And my Child, was all over Facebook that he was an arsehole and a bastard age 4 by parents friends who have never met my child at all.

My child is autistic, I have always done everything I have been asked to do to help the school.
I have discussed with parents and have tried to come up with strategies to stop my child from hurting others.

While I truly understand and get why other people feel the way they do and want to protect there children.
These post are almost daily now and makes me feel sad for all concerned.

Give the kid a chance, by all means if the child does prove to be disruptive then go to the school.

Also for those who feel annoyed with the disruptive behaviour from students support your school and voice your concerns to your local MP because Sen support is non existence.

My August 30th born little boy is in year 1 and is this child. It is absolutely heartbreaking and so lonely being the parent that people say ‘your child is naughty’ to.
Honestly, I wish all I had to worry about was him getting a whack occasionally, not that he’s excluded from everything and is kept away from all the other children with a 1-1.

Hmmm, this reminds me of a thread the other day where a mum was upset that her son (who has autism) had been separated from the rest of his preschool friends.

OP, unless you suspect that your son is being singled out by this boy or that is has crossed the line into bullying, please do not be 'that parent'. With respect, you don't know what is going on for this child. There will always be children in every class whose behaviour you dislike, and it may be a case of 'better the devil you know', so to speak. Your son will encounter loads of children with behavioural difficulties and cannot be separated from all of them.

Please don't write off a 4 year old child on some pre school interaction as the naughty child ... someone has to be in his class, why not your child?

'I would not use the phrase nasty hands that's what the teacher calls it'

Ouch. I'm a teacher. That's horrible. No wonder he has behavioural needs and that all the children seem to dislike him.