AIBU to not want the naughty child in my son's class

[Bingolocco]

My DS is about to start reception and is moving over with a group of children from his preschool. There were 26 in the class of these 13 boys are going into one class while my DS is going into another with only 4 other boys from the preschool
One of the boys is known amongst the parents as being particularly naughty, always in the thinking chair and my DS says he has "nasty hands" and on more than one occasion my DS has been upset from this boy being unkind/rough with him.
My DS would be one of the youngest and I am annoyed that this child has been placed in the same class as my son while a lot of his other friends have gone into the other class.
AIBU for being annoyed about this? It's too late to speak to the school as the children have had their settling in session but I just wish this boy was not in his class.

You can't buy your way out of meeting naughty children. Even the children of hhe wealthy aren't always perfect!

In my experience, most kids who were always on time out in nursery are really good as they get older. Pre school is a bit young to judge how he will be going forwards.

They’re 4 barely more than babies. Some kids take longer to learn social cues than others. Th “naughty” kid in preschool may not be the “naughty” kid in y1, 2, 3, 4 etc.

maybe it’ll be you DC. How would you feel if parents were moaning about him being in their class.

It often does the kids good to have a child who needs a bit more understanding in their class. It can teach them patience and compassion, something you may well have benefitted from OP. The teacher will deal with any inappropriate behaviour accordingly.

Did you request for your DC to be placed with his friends? For me this would be more of an issue than 'naughty' children because really you can't do anything about them. Hopefully the school will be able to handle him better than the pre-school.

The little boy will only be 4, so young and not terribly kind to label him at that age. IME all children have their moments at four and your own child might have their own spell at being the naughty one maybe because he's tired or anxious or feeling bold or copying others. Telling your child what he should do if he has been hurt by another child and trusting the school to meet the needs of all the children is all you need to do.

I suggest you get a grip now because this is just the beginning of your sons school career and there will be many many things you will have no control over.
You need to learn to parent your child effectively enough to become resilient and confident in dealing with many types of other people and the correct way to manage himself with any unpleasant dealings.

Also demonstrating some compassion for his fellow pupils that may be struggling with mainstream school wouldn't go amiss.

Of course you are being unreasonable. This 'naughty' child needs an education too and will always be with someone's child, yours or otherwise.

If down the line, there are issues with this child and your son of course it's not unreasonable to addresss them, but getting annoyed that he's in the same class as your son is silly since he's got to go somewhere.

YANBU for how you feel because this stuff hits hard when your child is still little and only just starting school, but it really isn’t a big deal. Your son will be fine.

I used to work in a reception class. One year we had many parents warning us about child X, saying they didn't want their child to be near him, that he hits, etc.

Child X turned out to be absolutely no problem at all. No behaviour issues, bright, motivated, etc. Maybe it was just the nursery, maybe he grew up over the summer.

Some of the other children though...

So don't worry. Children change and develop at different rates.

Why is your child more special than all the others that he gets to be in a perfect class?

Throughout his school career he will encounter many children with different challenges. Maybe he'll go through a patch of displaying challenging behaviours too? How would you feel if other parents were actively trying to move their kids away from yours?

There'll be naughty kids in both classes. Yes, its possible for a 4 year old to be naughty, because they have poor judgement and do things they know are wrong. Some children are naughtier than others at this age, usually if parents aren't imposing firm enough boundaries so they aren't learning what they can/can't get away with.

What horrible, nasty parents you are. You are adults. This child is 4, starting out in life, you have no idea why he is the way he is. I suppose your child is perfect and never misbehaves?
Adults who label such small children in this way are much worse than the "naughty" child.

I guarantee he won't be the only 'naughty' one, reception kids can be feral 😂. They soon settle down and if they don't they probably have send.

Are the kids from all the feeder nurseries known to the parents

Sometimes the 'naughty' one is just fine and it's all the kids who wind them up on purpose who are the real problem.

My nephew was this boy. He was extremely violent, parents even did a 1 day boycott that ended up going nowhere. A year later he was the only child capable enough in his year for G&T and he stopped being violent almost immediately after he began to get more challenging work (he used to finish it quickly and then help the other kids and often inspired them). Then the parents were furious again that instead of keeping him with the others the teachers decided to put all the G&T kids from years 1-3 in seperate classes for Maths and English.

This!

Just think of all the 'naughty' things our past PM's etc. have been up to... 😏 I doubt the naughty behaviour started in middle age.

In all seriousness, what ludicrous thinking! There are plenty of upper class children who are far from little angels.

Plus, kids aren't either naughty or nice. They all have their moments!

YABU, why should other children have the naughty child but not yours?
My son had 8 naughty children in his reception class so just be glad he stands out as being the only one.

I wasn't happy about the majority going to another class but his best friend is in his class so that's something. The teacher just advised they spend a lot of time planning the classes to keep friends together and have a range of ages and abilities. The afternoon preschool class will be split up between the two classes however I only know a few of them

3 kids gone through school. There is always at least one disruptive child in each class, often more.
At least your son knows who to avoid. I would guarantee that there will be one in the other class.

You need to be more tolerant there will be plenty of 'naughty' boys and girls in your child's school. Some may have addional needs others are displaying plain old defiance which is completely delevolpmentally normal for all children.
Also your son may be compliant now ,wait for the teenage years. They all have their moments trust me .

YABU. Children develop so quickly at this age. If you label him "the naughty child", you're playing a part in his remaining so.

It's far better to phrase it "Tom finds sitting still difficult" or "George doesn't always remember to use kind hands" or "Sophie needs to work on listening sometimes" as these are things the children can actually work on, rather than putting them in a box it can be difficult for them to find their way out of. Every child will have things they find tough and, yes, some of them will disrupt the class, but the teachers will be very experienced in dealing with this as it is common in reception.

So what’s the issue? Your DC is with his best friend. He will know some of the other kids, and I’m sure he’ll become friends with some of the kids he doesn’t know yet.

so you think this “naughty” child should be put in the other class just so your DC won’t have to be with him, but fine for all the other kids in the other class to be?

you never know, your DC and the “naughty” child could be best friends by the end of the year.

My child was 'that kid' op.

It turns out he's autistic and was diagnosed with adhd at 6 and autism at 10)

I know it's hard to understand when your child is not 'nasty' but honestly, think it through. Most kids at that age aren't difficult for no reason.

As long as the school are aware of his issues, and any difficulties get dealt with effectively, you really have to try and be magnanimous.

Obviously if school is useless and doesn't have good strategies to deal effectively with impulsive or aggressive behaviour, then you escalate in the appropriate way.

From the mum of a now 21 year old autistic, adhd son who's been picked on, bullied, ostracised and othered by other parents, teachers and peers alike throughout his school years, please just take a moment to think. This kid is entitled to an education, just like yours.

You didn’t expect there to be at least ONE naughty kid in your sons class? Jesus you’ll be lucky if it’s just the one.