AIBU to not want the naughty child in my son's class

[Bingolocco]

My DS is about to start reception and is moving over with a group of children from his preschool. There were 26 in the class of these 13 boys are going into one class while my DS is going into another with only 4 other boys from the preschool
One of the boys is known amongst the parents as being particularly naughty, always in the thinking chair and my DS says he has "nasty hands" and on more than one occasion my DS has been upset from this boy being unkind/rough with him.
My DS would be one of the youngest and I am annoyed that this child has been placed in the same class as my son while a lot of his other friends have gone into the other class.
AIBU for being annoyed about this? It's too late to speak to the school as the children have had their settling in session but I just wish this boy was not in his class.

There is a really "naughty" boy in my twins class. I was often hearing stories of the stuff he got up to, my daughter has been hit a couple of times...

One morning I overheard his mum laughing with her friend after having dropped off this "naughty" boy kicking and screaming. She said to her friend "well at least that little shit is their problem for the next 6 hours". On another occasion I heard her telling him she couldn't wait to get rid of him at school.

So although this child might be naughty, they have perhaps learned this behaviour from home, and perhaps don't have the nicest home life.

So why not explain to your son that sometimes children need to learn "kind hands" by being shown examples of kind hands, and that maybe he has not been shown this yet so just needs to learn.

Ffs this is a little child you re talking about

Do you think there should be a separate class for all the "naughty" children. I think you need to grow up a bit and stop obsessing about your child. Is there anyone who didn't have at least one naughty child in their class, right through school? Somehow we managed to cope.

Every class has (at least) one 'naughty' child.

Just like there'll be one that eats crayons, a know-it-all and one that wins all the prizes cos their mum does all their homework/art projects for them.

Pick your battles OP and prepare thyself for many more years of school-related drama.

I am friendly with the dad of the ‘naughty’ kid in DD’s class. I think he has autism (not officially diagnosed but has some very classic traits). DD was very scathing about him to begin with because he’s always in trouble in class but I have encouraged her to engage with him when we see him and they have formed a friendship which seems to be good for both of them.

I had a similar situation with my DD who started reception last September. There was a boy who had additional needs (which were not met) in her nursery who used to hit her and push her often and I couldnt help feeling really sad for her that he was going to be in her class at school.

His behaviour has improved remarkably since he started school, they have a lower staffing ratio but have still managed to implement better strategies for his behaviour. He is much more stimulated by school and doesn't lash out. This may be the case for you with this child, try not to think too far ahead with it. You don't know the children in the other class, it could be that there is another child with additional needs or more challenging behaviour and they need to be in separate classes for support to be offered equally.

You also tend to have the situation that the children tend to blame the "naughty" one even when it isn't. I remember picking my dc up from school (reception age) to overhear several children telling their parents what "the naughty one" had done that day.
I'd spent the day in A&E with ds... and "the naughty one" who hadn't been to school at all. And he was good as gold in there the whole time, I'll add.
When I just pointed this fairly gently out, there was a befuddled silence, then one of them said "well if he'd been there, then he'd have done it."

I mentioned this to the reception teacher and she said that wasn't uncommon, that the children did often blame the same child even when it wasn't possible for it to be them.

I think you would probably be shocked if you went into alot of reception classes, as there will not only be one child who may have challenging behaviour.

Yes, of course, if it was an option, you would choose a class with the least amount of potential disruption to his learning as possible, but you don't get to choose and the naughty kid this year may be model pupil next year. Who knows.

And people getting all precious about saying a 5 year old is naughty, yes there are naughty 5 year olds, noone is saying they need stringing up, but there are kids who have not been raised with any boundaries and respect, thats not a shocking revelation and of course parents know the kids who cause disruption in the classroom.

I agree with this - it happened to a child in my DC's class and we were being told lots of stories (probably mostly untrue) about what the "naughty one" had done. Luckily the teacher is very clued-up and has managed to change the narrative around this child by giving loads of targeted praise.

As a teacher, the entitlement of some parents is beyond me. 🙄 OP cannot demand that the school moves her child to be with his friends. If she we're to do this, she'd put her name on the blacklist of awkward parents for the rest of her child's school career, and wouldn't get her way for the trouble. Speaking respectfully to the teacher/school is far more likely to result in them accommodating issues (but I highly doubt they would in this case).

Her son will have plenty of time to socialise with the other class outside of the classroom, otherwise they're there to learn. Yes, there will be lots of play involved in the classroom, but her son will naturally make friends with the children he's with.

And my Child, was all over Facebook that he was an arsehole and a bastard age 4 by parents friends who have never met my child at all.
That's so disgusting that some parents would do that.

It's fine to be aware if a child is displaying particular behaviour, for whatever reason, and it's fine to politely speak to the school if you're concerned about your own child, but bitching like that on social medi about another child is awful.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that with your child. Some parents are nasty and haven't left the playground.

They are only little!

Give a dog a bad name and hang him for it...

@gamerchick

Better the devil you know, eh?

You’d be surprised actually at how many parents do get annoyed and ask for this - as children get older. At the moment they are very young but this happens a lot more than people admit to.

Facts are, poor behaviour and choices do significantly impact the learning of others. Hours and hours of teaching are lost. Not such an issue at first but towards the end of primary - you get more requests like this than ever.

One of my twin DC was what someone like you may consider the 'naughty' child at Preschool (challenging behaviour, including lashing out at her twin or the female teacher when dysregulsted (often in the 'quiet corner' because of her behaviour)). Both twins gave SEN, but Twin 1 is quiet and introverted and Twin 2 is...more overtly challenging.

By the start of Reception, Twin 2 was less extreme in her maladaptive coping mechanisms (I did a lot of play based connecting with her during that Summer and worked on naming emotions via 'The Colour Monster'.

For most of Reception, Twin 2 has been a lot calmer and hasn't struggled socially or behaviourally as much. Whereas, Twin 1 (the DC who had heretofore been so much more placid and straughtforward) started to struggle with outbursts, including throwing things in class and shouting at her peers etc.

I guess I'm just saying, keep your mind open around this other child, gey over YOUR disappointment in who has been placed on which bloody class and enjoy the Summer?!

You never know what's round the corner and God forbid your child become the scapegoat that myopic parents label the 'naughty child'...

If the nursery teacher is saying 'nasty hands' then I wouldn't be sending my child to the reception. That's an outrageous thing to say to a child or about a child.

It really depends how naughty this child is. If he can't be controlled, escapes from the classroom, throws things at teachers and children and laughs it's likely he won't be there that long.
On the other hand if he hits sometimes or says mean things then that's part of life and as others say he's got to be in someone's class.
We have a child in nursery in the first scenario but the other children also wind him up and to me almost seems like they are bullying him (not intentionally because 4 year olds don't really think about how their actions affect others). Lots of conversations about being kind to each other.
So YAB (a bit) U. Can you honestly guarantee no one winds the child up? School is so different that this child might settle down. Don't spend whole summer worrying about something that might not even happen.

There will undoubtedly be another kids in both classes that aren't perfectly behaved and have nasty hands at times, it might even be yours on occasion. Trust the school to manage the child and if they don't, worry about it then.

Tell them, blimey.

I'd tell the school I want him in the class with his friends, be firm, don't ask, tell them.

Parents don't get to tell the school how to arrange their classes.

What exactly is the point of this post? I mean your feelings about your son being in a class with this boy are your feelings 💁🏼‍♀️. Are they reasonable ? Ofc not why would you even have to ask?!

This reminds me of my ex who thunderously queried why a five year old who was free with his hands in ds’s wasn’t being “expelled!” The teacher told him “we like to try and give such young children more of a chance tbh, rather than throw them out at the first sign of trouble.” I cringed for ex. That child’s mum used to come in with bruises on her face. Quite clearly DV at home which child was obviously witnessing. In such young children, with no additional needs, there is often something happening at home. It’s hard on classmates/peers who have to deal with it, but that’s what living in a society is, can’t all be candy floss and bouncy castles.

No it isn’t