To wonder WTF is the matter with H

[Wowz]

H's birthday a couple of weeks ago, made an effort with a cake, day out with all the family including his mum, dad and brother.
My birthday tomorrow, I always feel a bit sad around my birthday, my dad and H make no effort at all and the only person that would is my mum, but she passed away a few years ago.

I've been okay this afternoon, just a little quiet and now H is determined to start an argument. He asked what was the matter and I said nothing I'm fine, I just want to start tea. Then he stood over me and kept asking, I asked him to just leave me to cook tea, but he just kept asking getting more and more hostile each time he asked. He then starting swearing saying 'for fuck sake, whenever I'm happy your in a mood, that's why I'm never happy then kept going on and on, F'ing this and that' I did DD some food and she thanked me and he kept telling her not to speak to me as I'm just in a mood.

I ended up in tears and he started to get angry asking why I'm always like this near my birthday, and not to bother speaking to him tomorrow if I'm going to be like this.

The thing is, this isn't a one off, he's like this around every special occasions. My birthday, Christmas, anniversary of my mum's passing, even the day we found put I was expecting, and the day before DD was born. Any special occasion really!!

He's being abusive to you in front of your daughter which will only let her see that it's ok to put up with that shit. Sod him. Happy Birthday yo you 💓

I had an ex like that.. always caused.an issue before am occasion so didn't buy me a present/see me on birthday etc. One time did go out for my birthday he had a bad ankle and made the whole day entirely miserable. Bought himself stuff... I got nothing. Miserable and makes it an existence and not a life...

Worries me that you don't feel able to say 'well it's my birthday, I miss my Mum and feel undervalued' - no child needs to live in that environment

He sounds either toxic or a narcissistic

I bet he hates you inconveniencing him when you are sick too.

Sounds exactly like my DH. Didn't give me anything for bdays or Christmas until the children were old enough to notice. Then it's last minute small gifts he's borrowed money off people to pay for. I gave up caring about that a long time ago, but the childish, argumentative moods on every special occasion or day out that isn't just all about him, is still so draining for the entire family.

This. Order yourself something really extravagant OP. My exh forgot once my birthday and I bought myself a beautiful gold and amethyst bracelet. It was very pricey about 3 times more than I would have expected him to spend on me, and I got it from joint funds but he didn't dare say a word.

Look at your precious daughter. Ask yourself if you would want her to marry a man like your partner.

If no then that's your answer. Don't let her grow up believing this is how a loving partner should treat her. Belittling her feelings, verbally abusing her, giving her silent treatment for not being perpetually smiling, weaponizing her children against her. You are showing her right now that this is what she should settle for.

To me this seems like classic narcissistic behaviour, he doesn't like not being the center of attention and gets annoyed when expected to put someone else's needs or feelings above his own.

I'd put the whole man in the bin I think.

We are not into birthdays in our family BUT that does not mean we start arguments and pick on people . This does not sound like it’s to do with birthdays just sounds mean

Happy Birthday!

Chuck him out

Fucking knob.
He knows perfectly well why you are sad around your birthday.

Let this be the very last birthday like this.
You could leave this fucking knob. You deserve so much better.
But if you don't want to leave him, then count him out of anything to do with your birthday.
Plan your own special day for you and your daughter. Buy yourself something. Spend less money on knobheed's birthday and spend more on yourself.
It's ok to treat yourself on your birthday. You don't have to have others do it for you.
I have no parents alive and no partner and no siblings and nobody at all who makes any kind of fuss on my birthday so for the last few years I've made my own fuss.
I pick a special activity I want to do and I buy myself a couple of presents (usually a couple of months early) and then wrap them up and open them on the day. Sounds a bit weird I know, but it makes my birthday that bit nicer now I don't have my parents around anymore.

My ex and funnily enough, our daughter acted/act this way on my birthdays or special events that they were not a part of because they are not the centre of attention 🤔
He sounds abusive and coercive, especially with the comment to your girl. I wouldn't stand for it!

Happy birthday OP. Hope you got yourself some nice pressies and a cake.

This 👌🏻

This 👌🏻

He's a narcissist. They ruin special occasions as the day isn't all about them. They cause arguments to feed their need for attention.

He's awful OP. I'm so sorry. I hope you manage to enjoy your birthday. Please consider if you want to spend your next with him.

You feeling bad about his lack of effort reflects poorly on him and he is angry at you about that. He wants you to be super grateful for the tiny effort he put in because otherwise you’re an ungrateful bitch.

Happy birthday, @Wowz, enjoy yourself and celebrate your special day together with your little girl, just like your mum would have loved you to do 🌺

Red flag , my ex used to do this shit all the time
I realise now I was in a relationship for 30 years with a narcissist, I’m a strong woman, and I realise that my whole time with him was all about coercive control
really hope it’s not the same for you, but time to have good long look at your relationship with him.

He sounds really mean OP, could you treat yourself and arrange something nice without him? With friends and your daughter maybe? Don't wait for him if he won't make the effort x

So, next time around, dont do anything for his. He shoudnt care if he doesnt brlieve in Birthdays

Save yourself a life of hell and find someone who deserves you.

You both sound like therapy would be beneficial to you. You don't have to put up with his behavior about special occasions. You do need to work through your feelings surrounding your birthday and your mom's passing. I hope things get better. If he refuses to treat you as a person with VALID feelings, leave his a**.