Child maintenance

[MaxwellCat]

Seem to have had this misfortune of joining a fathers for justice maintenance page (I thought it was for general advice boy was I wrong) and it disgusted me how many men think that fathers shouldn't have to pay for their kids if they don't want to. I was asking for advice on my situation as haven't had a maintenance payment in almost 7 years now, but apparently I should leave him alone as I'm "only hurting myself" and if he won't pay willingly I should accept that and move on and also loads of suicides are down to men having to pay child maintenance?! For having to pay for your own children?! They claimed loads of suicides are down to cm. Aibu to want to pursue this even more now as these comments have really annoyed me why on earth shouldn't I try to get what my kids are owed?

I agree and have heard so many men complain about it. In most cases they only pay 20 quid a week or something very small.

You are right that it is about the kids and focusing on making sure their emotional/physical needs are met, whatever that means between the parents. All internet forums (including mn) can be a bit of an echo chamber reflecting the views of people who choose to join and post. Your child has a legal right to financial support from his father, and a moral right to emotional support and engagement. You probably don’t have much sway over your ex’s emotional contributions, but you can ensure your ex meets his financial obligations for physical care.

How many men have died because of the behaviour of the CMS? You’d think there’d be a national outrage if it was a significant figure. Have more men died than women and their children gone hungry because some men think it’s beneath them to pay towards the upkeep of the children they helped create?

OP, why’s he not paying and what have you or the CMS done to try and make him?

Spiteful for wanting the father of my children to pay for the children he helped to create? 🤣

He doesn't work or claim benefits he is renting out his property and gets income that way this has enabled him to not need to work. Cms haven't done anything about it. They are not interested.

@niceandspicynight the cms calculator is based on theoretical affordability for the non primary parent, rather than needs of the child - the assumption being that primary caregiver makes up for any gaps. Most recipients of child maintenance (let’s be honest, mothers) receive far less than an equal share in child rearing costs.

splitting a household is hard on everyone financially, but doubly on the parent with child care responsibilities who have increased costs and less availability for work. They shouldn’t be shamed into taking less than the meagre amount they are entitled to- it is not spiteful to do your best to care for your child,

loads of suicides are down to men having to pay child maintenance?! For having to pay for your own children?! They claimed loads of suicides are down to cm.

I have quoted what you said if you think this is funny, then yes its spiteful and its not a false claim its a fact.

If your initial post was about getting what you were owed that's fine, but you are bringing in the fact many innocent fathers feel the need to commit suicide and you think its an excuse, is shameful. Dress it up any way you want, its a fact and it happens all the time.

All the men moaning, if your paid for your kids in the first place, it would never get to the stage where Child Maintenance Service intervene.

I'm not discussing the fact men need to pay I'm talking about the fact OP is using suicide to bolster her position.

Because I don’t believe it and I’m not going to be shamed for trying to claim what my children are entitled to! I see you are part of the group that I have now been removed from 😅

Lots of men think that in the absence of CMS they would live in a utopia in which they don’t have to buy anything for their children, because their mother will to prevent them looking like little waifs and strays.

It hits them really hard when they have to cough up to provide for their children.

God job anyway full of men who think they shouldn’t have to pay for their kids then tell women asking for advice not to claim as it will make their ex comment suicide and they will be responsible for it. Yeah that is pathetic.

I HATE men like this. Who bleat suicide and misery for having to pay for their children. They don't deliver in love or security or support for those kids - obviously as if they did , then paying the bare minimum wouldn't be a problem. Women , mothers, just have to BE THERE. Emotionally, mentally, physically and financially (ironically that makes her more financially vulnerable as she has to be there with no support) Men are so often just awful.

I didn’t. You commented telling me how many men commit suicide over having to pay maintenance on MY post out of nowhere, that was completely irrelevant trying to guilt trip me into closing my claim. I asked for advice on what action could be taken my ex is not suicidal he hasn’t even paid a penny in 7 years he has been laughing at me so hardly suicidal YOU brought up suicide on my post by saying you wonder how many men commit suicide because they have to pay maintenance to try to guilt me into not claiming!

CMS still usually, for most men, isn't even half of the costs that women are expected to pick up. Stuck in a part time role, as the main care giver, but it's always the woman's fault for trying to get the money, and what does she even spend it on anyway....most men are not crippled by the expectations of CSM. Most women are however. If he's hiding income, there is bugger all you can do about it.

Oh go away you weirdo, you’re boring the tits off everyone 🙄 what would happen if all the mothers to these children decided to top themselves because they didn’t want to pay to feed and clothe them?

Thank you I didn’t bring suicide into it this poster commented on my post asking for advice simply saying “I wonder how many men commit suicide because of cms” like wtf?! I was asking what I could do about my exes unearned income, I didn’t create my children alone then they tried to shame me into closing the claim, telling me let karma deal with it, yeah because karma will feed and clothe my children, that is laughable!!

I laughed at this posters comment because they told me to let karma deal with him and loads of men commit suicide and I should close the claim as I’m only hurting myself, they brought suicide into it and have now deleted me from the page.

Lol, no they don't.

More children die and live in poverty due to non paying almost always fathers, who are expected to pay a tiny fraction of what the mom pays for them, than men committing suicide.

You are obviously from the Facebook group. You brought up suicide on there not me.

"Oh right so my friend took his own life to spite you, as do may other fathers your quite the piece of work. You don't need to believe it.

If you want to claim off your Ex do so, he should pay but don't bring the deaths of other fathers in to your own twisted little battle."

Suicide is not explained by one factor. Your friend was an individual, the mother of his children did not "claim off him" , and the reasons for his death aren't true for all. There are few if any statistics regarding this (largely because suicide contagion is real and when you name a trigger you find victims) and when it is the case, we should blame either society or the welfare state or shit employable wage. Something is wrong if paying for your children makes you so destitute that suicide is a way out. If you have children and a job, you should be able to afford them. Men aren't asked to give a LOT to their estranged children. Is it 25% at most? As a parent I can attest that 70% of my income goes on children. That's natural. I was rich before having kids. That's the way of it.

LOL no they don't, oh really this is one of many many suicides down to CMS mal practice.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2015/jun/04/father-suicide-demands-child-support-agency-inquest