Child maintenance

[MaxwellCat]

Seem to have had this misfortune of joining a fathers for justice maintenance page (I thought it was for general advice boy was I wrong) and it disgusted me how many men think that fathers shouldn't have to pay for their kids if they don't want to. I was asking for advice on my situation as haven't had a maintenance payment in almost 7 years now, but apparently I should leave him alone as I'm "only hurting myself" and if he won't pay willingly I should accept that and move on and also loads of suicides are down to men having to pay child maintenance?! For having to pay for your own children?! They claimed loads of suicides are down to cm. Aibu to want to pursue this even more now as these comments have really annoyed me why on earth shouldn't I try to get what my kids are owed?

🤣

Rubbish. After separation fathers on average spend far less time with their children AND pay far less towards the child's living costs than the mother. This is a fact. So nobody is going to get out the tiny violin for them.

@Nepmarthiturn I certainly wasn't if you read in context... I'm a single parent and I was just responding to a rude poster. That wrote something along the lines of us women often pick these "type" of men though. It takes all kinds.

Of course it is. 🙄 The point is that that pain should be equally shared, so it is ridiculous for one parent to be doing most of the caring AND paying most of the costs, and beyond ridiculous for the parent doing far lesd than their share to moan about how hard it is for them.

You wrote that in response to my comment and called me idiotic. I found your response very confusing and don't understand what you meant, given I'm a lone parent myself and my posts have stated how appalling it is that absent fathers are not forced to pay 50% of their child's costs. Maybe you tagged the wrong person or something.

I'm amazed at some of the vile attitudes of some mothers on this thread to the death of another human being over money.

My advice to any fathers or mothers in this situation that feels as though they are being persecuted by the CMS and has to deal with heartless mothers like this. Go back to full time education, retain get a student loan and go back to university, get a degree, do a masters, get a PHD and then you will have a ZERO assessment from the CMS.

You will get to improve your life and make a good income after and by this time hopefully the spiteful mothers have either backed off or the CMS is no longer owed. Good luck to you all.

😊

I am oe of the "lucky" ones - my ex has paid the equivalent of £18 per day for my 2 DCs over the 10 yrs since he left.

He has taken them on holiday 4 times totalling 27 days - which he deducted the cost of the holidays from the maintenance
He has had them overnight a total of 32 days on top of that - for which he has taken them out for a meal most times / takeaway which has been deducted from the months maintenance because I did not feed them,
He once bought them each a new coat - which was again deducted from the maintenance
He has bought them trainers approximately 4 times but again deducted.

Everything else has been paid for by me -travel to school, breakfast lunch, activities swimming lessons, rugby, football , travel to his to drop them off, all clothes shoe, treats etc., school laptops, birthday and christmas presents etc etc

One child is now 6ft 6 and the other fast heading that way- the new bed to fit said child in and mattress damn near wiped out half the years payments! Shoes are now a size 14 - they do not come in cheap, trousers are custom made - think size 30 waist and a 38 inside leg!!

Generally the RP pays far more of the childs costs even if the DF does give something. Hounding is not what have I done but i have heard mutual friends who are also divorced saying their EXs cashed in afte they had done all the work - bitterness is rife.

COI: I paid him out of the house, car and furniture - I got the DCS( best bit) but def did not cash out.

Good one. Absolve fathers of all responsibility for a child they helped create. What an embarrassing attitude.

I think you have completely misunderstood my posts. I scrolled back and I can see your own post has been deleted.....I think you surely must be aware your post was rude and it was stereotyping which is silly. There are high flying men, average men and so on that don't pay for their kids. Your post was out of line. Anyway... let it be.

I think the term is reap what you sow. Ill support the NRP against vindictive RP any day of the week.

It’s always funny on these threads when you see the very obvious name changers. Using the same poor rhetoric and wording makes it so so obvious

CMS can require back payments so advising people to venture into higher education to avoid their parental responsibilities is really stupid.

No they cannot if their assessment is NIL for full time education. You obviously do not know the system.

It is clear you do.

Perhaps your time would be better spent encouraging shit dad’s to contribute to their children’s existence, rather than supplying ways for them to avoid doing so.

Please tell me what is vindictive about wanting NRPs to pay for their own children?

I'm a RP. If I decided to stop buying clothes and food for my child I'd probably have my child removed from my care as it would be considered neglect. Tell me why you don't think it should be the same for NRPs?

Yes I do and I like how you immediately claim I'm helping shit dads. I'm a non resident mother assisting other mothers who may be in my situation and if that included dads so be it. But thanks for asking and its none of your business whom I help.

Take your anger out at our shitty legal system and CMS with all its faults and people like me would not exist.

There are all kind of scenarios. Single mum, gets no maintenance from dad, works all hours, not entitled to any help, pays 100% of children costs.

Mum doesn't work, dad doesn't pay a penny, children are 100% funded by tax payers.

Mum doesn't work, claims benefit, dad pays large amount of childcare that doesn't count towards benefit entitlement, mum does very well.

I think you have completely misunderstood my posts. I scrolled back and I can see your own post has been deleted.....I think you surely must be aware your post was rude and it was stereotyping which is silly. There are high flying men, average men and so on that don't pay for their kids. Your post was out of line. Anyway... let it be.

Happy to let it be. No idea why my post would have been deleted, baffling. I guess somebody must have taken offence, probably one of the MRAs who have popped up. I've clearly said that all men should pay 50% of the costs of raising their child. I'm well aware that many - at all levels of earnings - do not!! In fact vanishing few do pay anything like their real share of costs.

So you are actually advocating that men don't pay and seemingly don't seem concerned their children suffer.

Wtf?

It's unbelievable isn't it.

It's not "spiteful" for mothers to expect the fathers of their children to pay their share of the costs of raising their own child. You'd have to be a fairly "vile" (as you put it) human being so refuse to do so, and to actually advocate that people avoid doing so. Let's just hope that such people who have shown themselves completely incapable of being a decent parent at least have the decency never to procreate again and inflict their inadequacy on other children as well.

I see your reading comprehension is not all that great, since when have mothers not also been NRP`s?

I can assure you my children have not suffered in the slightest, they live in a very wealth neighbourhood with their RP vindictive father and his new wealthy partner. Mean while i have done what i have to provide for myself keep myself of the streets and build myself a better future so I can provide.

Please take your stereotyping some where else.

The vast majority of NRPs are men. (96% of single parent households are women)

It appears your reading comprehension of your own post is lacking - I didn't mention your own children.

For a mother to advocate a method of avoiding child support speaks volumes and everyone reading this has drawn their own conclusions. Clearly not the flex you thought it was.

It beggars belief that some people are so bitter about their ex that they throw their own children under a bus.

Any decent parent/person wants to provide and support for their children.

To be honest I'm not interested in what others perceive who post on this thread.

My post is to the silent people on forums whom are in a majority and are looking for some answers or find this thread by googling.

So its nothing to do with the minority and "flex" as you put it to them. I know know what type of poster you are and your views, so thank you but i shall ignore your further posts from this point on and scroll by 😁

This is a contentious one. I agree in principle that any non resident parent should contribute to the cost of raising their children but not at the expense of their own quality of life or their family’s. Eg if a person is having to pay an amount that leaves them in a position that they struggle to house themselves, or run a vehicle or pay for public transportation to get to work or to heat a home or feed another family then that is absolutely unfair to expect & I wholeheartedly disagree with that, problem is that many parents (mostly women) seem to believe that they are entitled to live as they were when they were with that partner & that’s totally unrealistic unless of course you’re happy to agree to spilt residency, most women are not so you cannot have it all your way

Yeah I'm a good parent who pays and provides for her children. Not a deadbeat who doesn't.