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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Child maintenance

176 replies

MaxwellCat · 03/07/2023 23:48

Seem to have had this misfortune of joining a fathers for justice maintenance page (I thought it was for general advice boy was I wrong) and it disgusted me how many men think that fathers shouldn't have to pay for their kids if they don't want to. I was asking for advice on my situation as haven't had a maintenance payment in almost 7 years now, but apparently I should leave him alone as I'm "only hurting myself" and if he won't pay willingly I should accept that and move on and also loads of suicides are down to men having to pay child maintenance?! For having to pay for your own children?! They claimed loads of suicides are down to cm. Aibu to want to pursue this even more now as these comments have really annoyed me why on earth shouldn't I try to get what my kids are owed?

OP posts:
Chocolat13 · 12/10/2023 13:40

The problem is that there are plenty of 50/50 share care agreement. Actually more and more each year.

The huge problem is that CMS, even if it is their own rules, carry on counting maintenance from a NRP with day-to-day care.

They are very slow at updating cases. Most of it take years.

During that tome the NRP, pay for half of care and CMS. Until finally, CMS close the case.

Also, CMS doesn't listen to the NRP. You can have a court order, bank statements,... if the RP says the contrary then CMS doesn't even look further.

You should have a look on Facebook on supporting groups for NRP. Look at the 50/50 chat.

Look how desperate all those people are.

That guy having his children day-to-day care and still having to pay £1100 a month!!!!!

He has 2 jobs and is now about to sell his flat to move to an other smallest flat. With 3 children!

£1100 on top of half of everything!

In my case I pay a bit more than £300, on top of half of everything. I have my kid exactly half of the year. Day and night. Including school days.

But my maintenance is calculated on 52 nights a year. Even with my beautiful 7 pages court order.

Even with my bank statements, showing half school meals, half after school clubs, swimming lessons and music lessons. Plus all the things when she is with me that a child cost.

My incomes are £24000 a year before tax. CMS calculate that on gross incomes.

My ex has a house nearly paid by mommy and daddy, 3X my salary, child benefit, child maintenance.

And she carry on asking for more money using CMS as a threatening weapon.

The reason why I dont give up on paying those things, is because I love taking my daughter swimming, I love her doing her music lessons with me. I love being part of her school life.

If I cut those things, even if my ex accept to pay for this, then I will depend on her.

Now, I have been to courts few times and get what was needed, my ex is mentally abusive. CMS doesn't care because she is RP so she can't be as abusive as she wants.

So CMS is a bloody mess! It has to be reformed and very quickly.

But I think it is all the childcare mentality in the UK that has to be reformed as we are very much behind compare to most western countries.

1950 is kind of finish since 3/4 of a century. Men are not wallets while women are mothers.

Today, women are working and men are working as well and men are more involved in their kids lives.

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