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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Are attractive women treated worse by other women

275 replies

Paaooolo · 03/07/2023 23:17

My best friend since primary school is a beauty. 5'10, long, thick gorgeous hair, pretty face, nice figure, etc. She's a lovely person too. We were out the other weekend and I noticed other women were really stand off-ish with her (thru no fault of her own, she was V polite and chatty)! I'm average looking, a 6/10 if I'm really dressed up maybe and don't have this problem. Attractive women, is this common?

OP posts:
Snoofox02 · 03/07/2023 23:18

No. I find people are generally happy to chat with me

Tunnocks34 · 03/07/2023 23:25

Bit boasty admitting it but I am classically good looking and I’ve never experienced this at all.

I will say I get the whole ‘I thought you we’re gonna be a bitch when I first met you’ but nothing extreme or horrible from other woman.

Tatami · 03/07/2023 23:26

It is annoying if a very good looking woman obviously plays on her good looks to manipulate people. Otherwise, I'm just as happy to admire her beauty as anyone else and am not stand-offish.

SamW98 · 03/07/2023 23:38

I’ve got a very good friend who is stunningly attractive but is a lovely funny woman with absolutely zero vanity and she’s always found it easy making female friends.

Yet an acquaintance who is also attractive but very vain is convinced every woman she meets hates her because she’s so beautiful. However, she looks down her nose at other women and constantly has a face like she’s stepped in shit so yea she’s not very well liked but nothing to do with her looks.

Maddy70 · 03/07/2023 23:53

Yes...

Happyfluffball · 04/07/2023 01:20

I would think the opposite... I treat men and women who are more attractive better.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/07/2023 01:25

SamW98 · 03/07/2023 23:38

I’ve got a very good friend who is stunningly attractive but is a lovely funny woman with absolutely zero vanity and she’s always found it easy making female friends.

Yet an acquaintance who is also attractive but very vain is convinced every woman she meets hates her because she’s so beautiful. However, she looks down her nose at other women and constantly has a face like she’s stepped in shit so yea she’s not very well liked but nothing to do with her looks.

This. I know one who is knee deep in friends because she's lovely. Another who I don't see any more because 'women hate me'. No love, you flirt with their partners. Always.

Frogpond · 04/07/2023 01:25

A friend was quite attractive when younger, she found women who knew her were fine, but often had women she didn’t know be nasty for no reason. She was harassed by men constantly when dressed up, so she would usually try to look as unappealing as possible.

Somanycats · 04/07/2023 01:35

The answer is really clear scientifically. Better looking people are treated on average better than less attractive people. By both sexes

Happyfluffball · 04/07/2023 01:44

Somanycats · 04/07/2023 01:35

The answer is really clear scientifically. Better looking people are treated on average better than less attractive people. By both sexes

I have also noticed that when I put in more effort (i.e. dress better, comb my hair and put on makeup) I get bumped up more often at hotels and the airport. And yes don't judge me I don't comb my hair unless I am going out or have guests.

lousyatchoosingnames · 04/07/2023 01:49

I think people respond to peoples vibe a lot as well.

lilacsinbloom · 04/07/2023 02:18

Abso-fucking-lutely. Their eyes narrow on first sighting. Some glare.

Lwrenagain · 04/07/2023 03:50

I can go off my BFF and I for this.

My best friend is a size 8 with a G cup and the loveliest pert peachy arse. Looks like Courtney Cox, so yeah, pretty bloody stunning.
Wasn't until she got to late 30s women were open for friendship but she's always preferred male company.

I'm chunky at best and I'm no Rachel to her Monica by any means 😂
If we're out and she goes the bathroom, if she's gone more than 4 minutes I check someone's not smacked her just because she isn't liked by other women.

If I'm gone, I'm swapping lipsticks, meeting my new future bridesmaids and getting myself invited on a hen do in benidorm, or my personal favourite, showing a group of approx 10 women how to push from your arsehole during labour.

I'd never trade, I love being a woman's woman. She also has beautiful hair, thick and shining.

The more I think about it, fuck knows why I like her 😂

Slavica · 04/07/2023 04:22

Somanycats · 04/07/2023 01:35

The answer is really clear scientifically. Better looking people are treated on average better than less attractive people. By both sexes

Yes, this is clear.
My daughter is conventionally good looking and one of my jobs is that she doesn't coast because of this, but does the work. Luckily, she has good (girl) friends.

FionasFabulousFish · 04/07/2023 05:37

IME, I get treated with more respect, warmth and friendliness on the days I look good, which is a problem as intakes effort and £$£ these days for me to achieve this 😅.

In general it's probably due to your friends' personality, is she an introvert or socially a little out of synch with others? People react to other people's Boyd language. If your friend is a bit shy or meek, some sad women will treat her less well.

Apple31415 · 04/07/2023 05:51

I'm interested in these answers. I was conventionally attractive (I think) for most of my life and put on weight a few years ago. Was shocked how much nicer I was treated in coffee shops, returning clothes, smiles were returned... By women.
I felt like men at my work took me more seriously and I was invited to more coffees, chats etc. Most of them are married and I wonder if they were worried about how it would be percieved.
It has bothered me a lot recently as I've lost weight again and noticed the difference.
I wonder if it's in my head, if I feel more confident larger?

Beezknees · 04/07/2023 06:22

Not in my experience. I was conventionally pretty in my 20s. I'm overweight now in my 30s. I've been treated the same my entire life by most people I've met, male and female. I just don't get catcalled by men any more which is a blessing.

shivawn · 04/07/2023 06:30

Somanycats · 04/07/2023 01:35

The answer is really clear scientifically. Better looking people are treated on average better than less attractive people. By both sexes

I agree, I think people are more drawn to attractive looking people.

N0ëlle · 04/07/2023 06:35

Nah, most of these types want the association of being the friend of the high status attractive person because it validates them or reflects well on them they feel. It's the low status unattractive people who see who these types really are.

aSofaNearYou · 04/07/2023 06:38

I think there is a certain type of person who responds this way to attractive people, but generally I think unattractive people are treated worse.

LolaSmiles · 04/07/2023 06:42

This. I know one who is knee deep in friends because she's lovely. Another who I don't see any more because 'women hate me'. No love, you flirt with their partners. Always
I was thinking the same thing.

It's rarely about the looks and more about the behaviour.

TarquinOliverNimrod · 04/07/2023 06:42

Well it depends on the woman. Some less attractive women love being around attractive women, they feel it increases their status, while some women feel threatened by beautiful women. I’ve experienced both, women fawning over me because of what I look like and then the frosty types who wish you’d fuck off with your pretty face, lovely hair and great figure 😂

OverTheCountryClub · 04/07/2023 06:43

Conversely, I am not attractive (I reckon average at best) and used to get treated like this by women. I asked a couple of friends once to tell me honestly what the issue was and they all said (separately) that I come across as very "stand-offish" and "not interested" in people at first. I've worked to change this and now try to be much more friendly and open when I first meet people. It has really helped as I now make friends much more easily, chat to people on the bus etc. In my case, it was definitely the impression I was giving and not my looks.

Arealnumber · 04/07/2023 06:56

In my experience I can look pretty good when I do myself up to go out, especially since I love fashion & have been fortunate enough to collate quite an eclectic, maybe enviable wardrobe. Now in my 50s I usually choose to go out not "dressed up" & with no makeup, partly because I revel in not caring too much about my appearance these days. But also because I feel I'm more relatable for other women this way.
I would say what makes an even greater difference is one's size: I'm slim & I just know that large women are barely going to give me the time of day most of the time. I can't change my size & have only been able to become friends with women much larger than myself after a good deal of persistence on my part in order to get to know them better. Ridiculous but there it is 🤷🏻‍♀️

MrsRachelDanvers · 04/07/2023 07:01

My daughter is beautiful-gets stared at, approached all the time-nothing at all like me! She’s never had problems with other women, has a lovely bunch of girlfriends and comes across as friendly and smiley. She works in a very male dominated environment and says her looks are a bit of an advantage as people tend to listen to her. So how she looks doesn’t disadvantage her at all.