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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Are attractive women treated worse by other women

275 replies

Paaooolo · 03/07/2023 23:17

My best friend since primary school is a beauty. 5'10, long, thick gorgeous hair, pretty face, nice figure, etc. She's a lovely person too. We were out the other weekend and I noticed other women were really stand off-ish with her (thru no fault of her own, she was V polite and chatty)! I'm average looking, a 6/10 if I'm really dressed up maybe and don't have this problem. Attractive women, is this common?

OP posts:
Gettingbysomehow · 04/07/2023 12:40

I never found that when I was younger, women were just fine with it. I was a lovely looking young woman.
I don't look like anything now in my 60's but I'm still just as happy as I was then. If very attractive women don't have a personality as well then they won't fare very well. I think people just want somebody they can talk to and get on with regardless of their looks.

YouAreNotBatman · 04/07/2023 12:47

Fairyliz · 04/07/2023 07:33

Personally I think women dislike other women who are slim.
Good looks are generally genetic so out of our control. However anyone can be slim it’s just a matter of watching what you eat. Slim women prove it can be done and just show up a lack of willpower.

This doesn’t explain all the slim women who bully overweight women, though.
I’ve seen much more mean behaviour from slim women towards overweight women, than other way round

LuvSmallDogs · 04/07/2023 12:47

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 12:37

I'm not saying it's right, but that's a grooming/personal aesthetic thing...something you can choose and control. It's not the same as being conventionally attractive or not.

A lot of what's considered "attractive" is to do with grooming/aesthetic though.

You can make yourself look weirdly different with choice of bra, mascara on fair eyelashes, pencilling fair/sparse eyebrows, concealing blemishes. A baggy or tight outfit can make the same body look different.

A lot of "naturally beautiful" women would not be seen as such with an unstyled DIY haircut, no makeup, ratty jeans and a bloke's tshirt.

user1477391263 · 04/07/2023 12:56

I think both men and women can sometimes be jealous of other members of the same sex who are more attractive than they are, but for the most part, I think women are generally quite nice to other women.

A lot of men do seem to be really, really fascinated by the idea of women being the evil sex who do each other down far more than men do (a quick search for the word "intrasexual" on Twitter brings up discussion about FEMALE intrasexual competitive to an overwhelming extent), yet the evidence suggests that women are generally less competitive and more cooperative than men.

eyesfullofstars · 04/07/2023 12:56

I can’t think of any woman that I know who would be horrible to another woman because of how she looked.

I've also occasionally had women think that I’m giving them evils or being judgy in some way when I’ve only been looking at them because I fancy them. You can never know what is behind a look that you’re perceiving to be bitchy.

CovertImage · 04/07/2023 13:05

I love these threads for the laugh at the posters telling us how attractive they are. They're nearly as good as the "I'm 47 but everyone thinks my daughter's my mum" threads

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 13:09

CovertImage · 04/07/2023 13:05

I love these threads for the laugh at the posters telling us how attractive they are. They're nearly as good as the "I'm 47 but everyone thinks my daughter's my mum" threads

You don't think there are beautiful women on MN?

I expect there are far more beautiful users than users who are regularly mistaken for being 20 years younger.

RedRobyn2021 · 04/07/2023 13:13

Beezknees · 04/07/2023 06:22

Not in my experience. I was conventionally pretty in my 20s. I'm overweight now in my 30s. I've been treated the same my entire life by most people I've met, male and female. I just don't get catcalled by men any more which is a blessing.

You don't have to be thin to beautiful

Watchinghurling · 04/07/2023 13:16

Well, I'm stunning and I've never found this.
Joking. I am not stunning.

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 13:18

RedRobyn2021 · 04/07/2023 13:13

You don't have to be thin to beautiful

No, but it's considered an attractive trait.

stephaniezanoni · 04/07/2023 13:22

eyesfullofstars · 04/07/2023 12:56

I can’t think of any woman that I know who would be horrible to another woman because of how she looked.

I've also occasionally had women think that I’m giving them evils or being judgy in some way when I’ve only been looking at them because I fancy them. You can never know what is behind a look that you’re perceiving to be bitchy.

Your post reminded me of something.. When I met my best friend we were 19 and I moved next door to her, we got chatting in the garden. Never met anyone as funny or as annoying beautiful, we just clicked.
The next day she put a note through my door (this was before everyone had mobiles) It said... I really like you, shall we go on a bender? Ps I saw the way you were looking at me and I'm sorry but we can't ever have sex, I'm straight:)
To clarify I didn't want to have sex with her I'd just never met anyone as naturally stunning! Your right you really never know what someone is thinking.
She passed away a few years ago and to the confusion of everyone around her was always plagued with insecurities over her looks. I have never met anyone as gorgeous inside and out.

MynameMyname · 04/07/2023 13:35

I worked with a male manager who drove three guys out because they were taller than him and better looking

LaBefana · 04/07/2023 13:45

CovertImage · 04/07/2023 13:05

I love these threads for the laugh at the posters telling us how attractive they are. They're nearly as good as the "I'm 47 but everyone thinks my daughter's my mum" threads

Well, I'm totally drop-dead gorgeous. Gorgeous set of knockers, legs up to my armpits, face that would make a statue weep, hair straight out of a L'Oréal advert except it's natural. I have to go around with two bull mastiffs. One to keep the men at bay, the other for the hordes of jealous women. I'm not making any of this up.

LaBefana · 04/07/2023 13:46

I once made a a statue get a boner in a church in Italy. God, that was awkward.

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 13:46

LaBefana · 04/07/2023 13:46

I once made a a statue get a boner in a church in Italy. God, that was awkward.

Was it in the Sistine Chapel? Maybe that's why people have been known to scream in there.

radiatorpipe · 04/07/2023 13:50

Nope, I think people are nicer to you if you're pretty.

radiatorpipe · 04/07/2023 13:51

Also beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I think Angelina Jolie is breathtaking others think not at all.

LaBefana · 04/07/2023 14:08

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 13:46

Was it in the Sistine Chapel? Maybe that's why people have been known to scream in there.

It was, actually. Several nuns gave me daggers, as per the subject of this thread.

DontBeBitterGlitter2023 · 04/07/2023 14:20

@YouAreNotBatman I disagree with the statement that people automatically assume that more attractive = more intelligent

I've invested a lot more in my appearance over the past few years (financially yes but as in time in the gym etc) I feel I've never looked better and yes I do attract male attention - though I'm off men right now 🤣 however an awful lot of people write me off as some sort of vain, superficial airhead...

In reality I have an incredibly complicated professional job, two degrees, studying for a PhD, am a member of Mensa and once appeared on mastermind (probably outing but I'm incredibly non-controversial on here so who cares)

LaBefana · 04/07/2023 14:27

people write me off as some sort of vain, superficial airhead...

In reality I have an incredibly complicated professional job, two degrees, studying for a PhD, am a member of Mensa and once appeared on mastermind

Do I need to say why I think this is funny, or can it stand by itself?

Conkersinautumn · 04/07/2023 14:29

It's going to vary, because people can be awful but statistics do show attractive people generally get preferential treatment in life.

DontBeBitterGlitter2023 · 04/07/2023 14:33

@LaBefana Im on your side here! Your statue comment made me howl 🤣

But yeah reading it back I sound like an arsehole... can honestly promise I'm not! And I don't make any of those things my entire personality other than making a good icebreaker at team building days

Prettylittleroses · 04/07/2023 14:33

radiatorpipe · 04/07/2023 13:51

Also beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I think Angelina Jolie is breathtaking others think not at all.

to Be honest I think the overwhelming majority feel Jolie is attractive, yes sure some folks might snipe not, but she’s considered very beautiful in the main.

Crispymandm · 04/07/2023 14:41

I saw a (male) psychologist take on this, on TikTok of all places. He said women didn’t dislike dislike other attractive women, unless she was also considered promiscuous.

DentonFarley · 04/07/2023 14:43

however an awful lot of people write me off as some sort of vain, superficial airhead...

How does this manifest itself? What are they saying to you?

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