He's eaten before our date

[waitingforautumn]

Not a first date, several in. He was supposed to be taking me out tonight but he's messaged during the day to say that he's got a load of leftovers in that he needs to eat so he will eat first (before a walk/drink in his area). I'm the one who's travelling to see him and would need to spend on a taxi home given our locations. I don't expect dinner on him or anything, I always split bills, but it would be nice if we could enjoy some food and drink together after this walk! I can appreciate that if his housemates are in this eve it might not be easy to switch to having a night in, so I won't question that - however if it were me I would let the leftovers sit and find something we could eat/drink together!! AIBU that this has p'd me off? I feel a bit deflated as was excited to see him. Why eat first like it's some sort of job? Knowing your date won't have eaten after a day at work?!

Last date was a gig that he arranged so we didn't have food then either but it was fine as could bring snacks etc and went for a drink after. Would have been nice for dinner to have been factored in. He does seem to be a fan of chilled dates like food markets/picnics, helps that it is summer. But it would be nice for things to be a bit more planned. I feel bad suggesting dinners in case it's a money thing. But being early days it's nice to go out and feel like you're being spoilt a bit?! Maybe I'm just grumpy because it's Monday and I didn't enjoy the lunch I had a few hrs ago!! What's your take?

So you're going straight from work and he's cancelled dinner because he's got leftovers to eat?
id be cancelling the date altogether. He's selfish.

I suspect he can't afford to buy you dinner and he is finding excuses to get out of being in that situation. I would be annoyed too OP, a girls gotta eat!

Sounds like it might be that money is tight.

Either that or he's a big drinker who would rather not "waste" good drinking time in a restaurant?

Chilled dates or low effort dates? Sounds like the latter to me.

Find a man who is actually interested in trying to impress you. This guy isn't it.

I think it sounds like money is tight and he doesn't want to say.

Same.

He's broke isn't he.

I’m guessing it’s a money thing, but pretty inconsiderate planning! What does he expect you to do - awkwardly eat on your own in the pub while he watches, or go without dinner?!

Just be a grown up and message him “Ok, but as I’m coming straight from work I’ll need to get something to eat somewhere”.

I'm 50/50 on this. I hate waste and would like the fact he's going to eat leftovers.

BUT, if felt he should still be in the "trying to impress you phase" he would fail.

Has he invited you to eat with him at his place, even if it is only leftovers? If not, I'd be a bit 🤔

Depending on other signals/considerations if you're interested in him I'd grab something on my own after work and see how the date goes.

I'd be annoyed. He hasn't considered you at all in this plan. I am a big fan of leftovers and not wasting foods, but in this case I'd have frozen the food I didn't want to waste or if it was something not freezable, I'd have given them to housemates or just hoped they'd be okay for the following day.

In your shoes-I'd cancel saying you were really looking forward to going out for dinner so you're going to take yourself out to a restaurant/pub somewhere, he's welcome to join you for a drink after you've finished if he wants.

Sounds like you’re just in two different places with what you want. He has housemates so he’s either young, skint or both and prefers casual dates whereas you want to be spoiled.

He is either very very skint or he can’t be bothered. I would be quite underwhelmed with going for a walk on a date, I know it became a think during covid, but was not something I ever heard of in my dating years.

Why can you just have a drink together after the walk?

He’s let you know in advance rather than sprung it on you upon arrival with no option to get something yourself, and clearly still wants to see you. If he doesn’t have the money to “spoil” you then he doesn’t have it. Would you really want somebody you barely know getting into debt to buy you dinner? If you want to date wealthy men only then be upfront about that right at the start.

A walk for a date? That would be the end for me.

What’s he been like so far OP? Willing to travel to you? Generous with dinner/drinks? Makes the effort?

If everything else is going well then I’d just let this one go.

She has said she would and has gone halves, it's not about being spoilt it's about a man feeding his face and forgetting that his date might need a meal too

I assume she'll be hungry?

I wouldn't be travelling for a walk.

I’d say you’re finishing up work and are hungry, so a friend is taking you out for dinner instead. And not offer an alternative time to meet up. Just leave it there.

If he’s someone who thinks food is functional only and you like to go out to eat as an experience/way to chat/get to know each other, then you’re probably not all that compatible.
it’s not a great sign really that he hasn’t even considered where or what you’re going to eat? Maybe ask him had he considered that at all?
I’ve known a few blokes like this - you ask them round for dinner and the just want to scoff it down and go to the pub!!! Kind of annoying after the age of about 25!

He's skint!

He'd rather eat leftovers? How joyless