He's eaten before our date

[waitingforautumn]

Not a first date, several in. He was supposed to be taking me out tonight but he's messaged during the day to say that he's got a load of leftovers in that he needs to eat so he will eat first (before a walk/drink in his area). I'm the one who's travelling to see him and would need to spend on a taxi home given our locations. I don't expect dinner on him or anything, I always split bills, but it would be nice if we could enjoy some food and drink together after this walk! I can appreciate that if his housemates are in this eve it might not be easy to switch to having a night in, so I won't question that - however if it were me I would let the leftovers sit and find something we could eat/drink together!! AIBU that this has p'd me off? I feel a bit deflated as was excited to see him. Why eat first like it's some sort of job? Knowing your date won't have eaten after a day at work?!

Last date was a gig that he arranged so we didn't have food then either but it was fine as could bring snacks etc and went for a drink after. Would have been nice for dinner to have been factored in. He does seem to be a fan of chilled dates like food markets/picnics, helps that it is summer. But it would be nice for things to be a bit more planned. I feel bad suggesting dinners in case it's a money thing. But being early days it's nice to go out and feel like you're being spoilt a bit?! Maybe I'm just grumpy because it's Monday and I didn't enjoy the lunch I had a few hrs ago!! What's your take?

What knob tells you he's eating leftovers!

This. For me the key factor is what was actually discussed and planned.

Ive eaten before a date before as only going for a few drinks. My date had presumed we’d be going for dinner afterwards but hadn’t mentioned that to me so to me that’s down to communication. People just need to speak up

I wouldn't bother going.

Why make all that effort when he doesn't give a toss about you having to eat?

Mumsnet is ridiculous 😂 don’t host a party you can’t afford, don’t invite people over if you aren’t going to have 5 courses and wine but a man isn’t allowed to plan a date that doesn’t involve paying for a meal out if he can’t afford it.

Sounds like you are the only one making an effort

If he can’t afford to go out, he could invite you over to share the leftovers. He hasn’t thought one bit about your needs. And having to take a taxi home would be a hard no.

Watch out, it could be skip diving next if you decide to continue on....

I'd let this one go to the leftover table in the sky TBH. Those leftovers would still be fine tomorrow surely.

I feel bad suggesting dinners in case it's a money thing

Just suggest it! He might think you don't like them.

This. 100 times

Maybe he has an issue with eating in front of people?
I used to be overweight and I hated eating in front of people incase they judged how much/what I ate. I didn’t eat in front of DH for about 5/6 months…. (I fainted in the bathroom once and smashed my head on the sink 🙄 all because I was to scared to eat in front of him and we’d be out drinking all day)

It's batshit to me that posters are calling him a knob over this.

Pedestrian and unpolished! Love it!

I'm sorry but this stage should be when he's impressing you the most. He'd rather eat left overs, then eat a meal with you?! I'd message him back saying, "Sorry when I leave work I need dinner. Let's rearrange for another time." Otherwise it's going to be werid, him watching you eat. He's totally not bothered about the date at all.

She is taking taxi after work to travel to him. She is making more effort

Tell him to bring the food and have a picnic.

This he should at least be meeting you in the middle of where you both live.

A WALK AND A DRINK IN HIS AREA??

i literally can’t cope with the brass neck of this man

he drags you around like a dog, goes for a drink where you pay for your own £5 drink and then wants you to go back to his because you are close by

He doesn’t even want to eat a meal with you!

what is wrong with you??? Why don’t you know your own worth?!! Why are falling for this low effort shite?

Cancel him. He’s a loser.

He could eat the leftovers tomorrow

Since when was a walk a date?

If he can't afford a meal and a drink for someone who is travelling to see him, he is a no-hoper

The OP should just tell him where to go and move on

All the above applies if anyone is over the age of 16

toss this one back. he's thinking of himself, not you.

I swear a lot of people's upset and annoyance could be solved by having a convo! For some people a gig, a walk and whatever is a nice idea of a date and if the other person doesn't say anything then they're none the wiser. Hoping he's going to say yeah let's go for a nice meal when you say yourself you don't want to mention it in case he's skint is pretty odd. It's so much better to be open in the early stages as if you ask and he says nah don't like eating out/too skint/don't like you enough for that you can make an informed decision. He could be there thinking as she hasn't mentioned food I'll make it clear I'm eating in case she can't afford it- same as you are feeling!

I'd be responding with

"OK, so you will have eaten before meeting me. I still need to eat before going for a drink, so to do that, then travel, there won't be much time left; so probably best that we reschedule."

Because it's the truth.

There are a lot of options:

he's skint
he's extremely tight
he's got issues eating in front of people
he's thoughtless

All of which would make me run this soon in.

Too late now, I suppose but I would have texted & said let's wait for a better evening to do dinner. I'll just take it easy myself too. It's a bit early for him to be bothering so little.

Has he eaten in front of you before? Only ask as I do know a man who hates eating in front of people.

Hes let you know in advance and you can either say let’s rearrange or still go. Not sure it’s something to be worked up by