AIBU to be upset because they didn’t like My Home?

[StarshipCaptain]

A former work colleague came to visit me at home a week ago. Now, I’m all for people being blunt and honest, but I really didn’t expect them to criticise everything in My Home from my plants to my furniture to my wall colours, to the location of my property to the Holly bush out the front… When they left I felt really deflated and upset. I don’t want to invite anybody into my home again.

I’m very happy with my home and the way it is, I don’t have expensive things but I like what I have and I’ve made the best of what I’ve got. It’s my sanctuary and calming place for me to relax. I know I shouldn’t care what others think, but I’m terribly upset that somebody would dislike it so much, and tell me.

In what way did they criticise it to you?

That is upsetting What a rude person! Man or woman?
What on earth did they say? Was it criticism dressed up as advice?
I remember feeling very annoyed at a friend being snooty about my house. It really put me off her and our friendship didn't last.

Is your former colleague usually a total cunt? Because clearly they were on this occasion.

Did you even ask for their opinion on your home, or did they offer their input unsolicited? Either way they were being rude and objectionable to criticise your home in that way.

I certainly wouldn't give them a second invitation, and I also wouldn't give their opinions a second thought. It doesn't matter whether they like your house or not, because it's not their house. Your house should be decorated the way YOU like it, not the way they would prefer. The only right way for your home to look is the way you personally like it best.

What did they say?

From your limited information it sounds rude and unusual. I would ignore.

How incredibly rude and hurtful. Don’t ever let anyone disrespect you like that again OP. They should play no part in your life from here on.

Fuck then off and enjoy your home.

My sister used to do this to me suggesting alterations I could make and criticising my furniture as bring cheap (I didn't have much spare cash at that time but she had even less). When I challenged her she said she thought I'd appreciate her input as she had an Art degree! No I didn't appreciate it and I don't see much of her now.

100% agree with this.

Why an earth didn't you tell them fuck off?

This person is really screwed up. At a guess they are the youngest child in their family, always being belittled and criticised and treated like an idiot, whose opinion holds no weight, so they are acting all this out when they visit others - completely oblivious to the fact that this behaviour isn’t normal. Unsolicited criticisms of others’ choices is unacceptable behaviour. I bet you aren’t the only person who doesn’t ask them back a second time.

You are in no way obliged to invite people into your home to have your choices appraised. Learn to sniff out people like this and avoid them, and make sure only warm and non-judgemental people cross your threshold.

Blag an invite round to theirs....

Your colleague sounds very insecure op. How rude. Look at it as their own problem for being so insecure, and don't take it to heart. And don't bother with them again!

In my experience, the people who do this (and I've met a few) don't have such great taste themselves. Seriously.

Ignore them, they were incredibly rude.

I'd perhaps be tempted to drop them a handwritten note apologising that your home didn't meet their standards and perhaps they would like to leave a review at DoOne.com

Excellent suggestion! 😄

I’m the youngest of a huge family. I tend to over praise everything in other people’s houses. My youngest adores praising others. We’re not all arse holes!!!!

YANBU how rude can you get.

Wait a few days and try and see the funny side. Your colleague sounds like such a loser to say anything like this to someone- this person is a joke.

Of course it's rude, but it's super weird.

Even viewers don't like to give an honest opinion to the owners directly, if they say something it's to the agent.

With someone else it would be natural to care, but criticising openly everything is so over the top, it's them the problem, not your home.

I have a friend whose sister will often tell him things like "I don't like those pictures of the [whatever] you've got up, I'd take those to a charity shop when you're gone." Or, "Those curtains look cheap."

I was totally WTAF when he told me because who says stuff like that instead of keeping it in their heads?! People with no filter, that's who. It's outrageous and she would totally see her arse if my friend started criticising items in her home. He doesn't, because he has manners and understands social norms of Things You Don't Say Out Loud.

Ignore them, don't be upset because someone else has failings. We all have different taste and that's okay. Criticising someone else's things is not okay. Inner Voice!

Sounds like jealousy to me!

Well they won't be invited over again will they?
Just think their opinion is just that - it's no more valid than your own. It's your home and you like it. That's all that matters.

Your ex0colleague has very bad manners. That's her problem; you didn't cause it.
Now you know, you just scratch her off the social list and never see her again. She's gone.

The problem, is not your visitor's bad manners. It's your reaction to it.

"I felt really deflated and upset. I don’t want to invite anybody into my home again.*.

Your insecurity, fearfulness, low self esteem, irrational withdrawal from unrelated visists by others, are internal. Those emotional /social feelings are about you, not her.

You can't change her. But you can change your own outlook and behaviour.

Some people really have no manners. They also believe their own opinions are sooo important that they simply must vocalise them.

It's so sad. Opinions are like arseholes. Everyone has one but you don't want some random's shoved in your face without invitation.

My MIL dies this. Last time she came over she told my DH that the garage door needs painting, this is even before she got in the house. I think he told her to piss off (or words to that effect) and that he doesn’t point out jobs that need doing round her house.

It might be a bit rude, but a mother commenting on her son's home is less weird. You'd do the same at your parents house, this or that need sorting.

But a random work colleague?

Why did you invite this person round? Was there some reason for the visit that put them on the attack? had they behaved like a critical arsehole when you worked together or did it come out of the blue?

Not excusing them, just trying to work out why someone might behave in such an obviously rude way, against most social norms.

Why would give a shit about the opinions of someone so rude?

She's done you a favour, you now know she's not worth maintaining a friendship with.

I agree with PP, it sounds like jealousy. No one can accidentally be that rude.