AIBU to be upset because they didn’t like My Home?

[StarshipCaptain]

A former work colleague came to visit me at home a week ago. Now, I’m all for people being blunt and honest, but I really didn’t expect them to criticise everything in My Home from my plants to my furniture to my wall colours, to the location of my property to the Holly bush out the front… When they left I felt really deflated and upset. I don’t want to invite anybody into my home again.

I’m very happy with my home and the way it is, I don’t have expensive things but I like what I have and I’ve made the best of what I’ve got. It’s my sanctuary and calming place for me to relax. I know I shouldn’t care what others think, but I’m terribly upset that somebody would dislike it so much, and tell me.

A man makes me think., possibly ASD? Some males, in particular, with the condition can be blunt and rude in social interactions. They may not realise that it's a social convention not to voice criticism of things they don't like. Many, many autistic people aren't like this of course. But it's a possibility.

We all have different tastes. I like an old fashioned taste in antiques that is not at all popular and have gotten similar comments along the lines of
”do you ever buy furniture? It looks like this was all inherited!”
“ugh, can’t stand brown furniture, you should have a look round IKEA” (I loathe IKEA)
”it’s like a museum in here, not at all a comfortable home.”

etc. in fact, I’d probably hate your decoration style as you said you like modern and minimalist. Im also autistic, but I would never dream of just poking around without being offered and taken on a tour. I would never criticise either, Im always careful to find something I do like about a room whether it is how bright it is, how the flow is good, lovely plants, and oh I have blue in my bathroom too! (turquoise Mediterranean style feel not nautical style but still blue), or use of space, or comfy…there is always something nice even if the style isn’t to my taste.

Im glad most people hate my taste in furnishings and decorations because it means I get gorgeous hand carved solid wood stuff dirt cheap.

You are happy with your home and that is all that matters - don't give this rude person any more head space. Some people have no manners, and if anyone came to my home and was as unpleasant as that person they would no longer be a part of my life, and certainly not welcome in my home ever again.

Who are these people who think it's OK to criticise another person's home? OP's colleague was unbelievably rude.

This person is extremely rude. Never invite them in again. Keep your work interactions polite but minimal.

And don't take anything she said about your house seriously - I can't be sure what her motives were, but this sort of rudeness suggests she is severely insecure about her own house and social position. It is no reflection on your taste or choices at all. Have confidence!

Sorry I assumed colleague was a woman (just read other OP posts). But doesn't make any difference - this person is rude.

It’s plain bad manners. Anyone can decorate their home as they like and it’s no one else’s business. Taste is personal

No matter how much I disliked decor, and I have some that I consider awful, I wouldn’t dream of commenting negatively. Manners matter.

*seen some

I wouldn’t have allowed him free access to my entire property.
He basically walked in and started nosing around your house….without you asking him first…..no thanks…..who on earth does he think he is.

And then he’s rude to you.
I would tell him that he was very rude.

@KittensBeheadingPeonies just out of curiosity how did you reply to the bad taste guy thinking he's a designer 🤣 cos I had a situation like that and was just stumped so didn't say anything and still upset at myself for that!

Honestly my home is half a bomb site and if anyone dared criticise it I'd bloody kill them. It's MY bomb site! How dare they? How rude!!

I'm not quite sure what you are asking about being unreasonable...

If it is, "were they rude and cheeky in the extreme? Nope. Not unreasonable at all. They were.

If it is about them actually criticizing your home, well...a LITTLE unreasonable, but very, very human. Everyone has their own ideas of what a "lovely home" is. Yours is not theirs, but no less lovely in your eyes, and almost certainly in the eyes of thousands who will, dammit, never see it. Again, they should have kept their shabby mouths shut.

If it is about being proud of your home, and what you have accomplished while not breaking your budget, again, NOT UNREASONABLE, not AT ALL. You continue to love your safe-haven. It is to your taste, It is your comfort, your soft spot to land after a hard day. Do not allow anyone to take that away from you.

Came in and kicked his shoes off and started prowling around sniping about your home? Complete PoS and downright creepy imo, and I hope you have nothing more to do with him.

Negging? That's Misogyny 101 For Utter Losers.

It sounds to me like this 'friend' was a bit jealous and handled it by being deliberately critical to make herself feel better. She must be very insecure.

Pity her and dismiss everything she said. Uiur house sounds perfect, and we can tell from what you say thst it's perfect for you.

Worse, "friend" was a bloke!

I think its time you visited his home to tell him what you think

How insanely rude! “Well, good thing nobody is ever going to invite you to move in, then, isn’t it?” would probably come flying out of my mouth.

My MIL decided to criticize my housekeeping at one point. This after I’d spent a week cleaning from top to bottom, including steam cleaning the rugs! She started in, I cut her off and offered to get her the broom so she could do better. She spluttered and was silent. Some people seem to find joy in putting others down. That’s their problem, not yours.

Enjoy your home. Frankly, books and plants sound absolutely wonderful to me.

They are probably jealous!

Fine to be upset, who wouldn't be but don't let that stop you inviting nice people in

😂 😂

Don't even let it worry you OP. Most people come in to my house and see rainbows. It's definitely not their cup of tea. But I don't care. There is a reason I put a lot of bright colours, including rainbow stairs in my home when I moved in. So no one else's opinions ever matter. Enjoy the comfort of your home.

DH has a friend who is like this. Over the years I have really told him off after he has been extremely rude, but it completely rolls off him and he continues on. I have now told DH i don't want him in my house at all.

As it happens he will be in our area this weekend and he also has the shitty habit of just dropping in. I've said to DH he is not allowed over the threshold (this sounds harsh but it has been 20 years of crap from him). I am fully intending to stand in the doorway and say 'You can't come in because you always have something negative to say and I don't feel confortable'. (I'll probably chicken out though).

I had a friend like that- she’d criticise my clothes and hair, then at my house she’d criticise things that are simply nothing to criticise such as a glass kitchen worktop protector! I wish I had ended the friendship years ago but the way I see it, it is she who has a problem not me or my house.

Wow that’s impressive! Just right you are too. Just curious as to how you went about it? What did you say? And what was their response?