AIBU to be upset because they didn’t like My Home?

[StarshipCaptain]

A former work colleague came to visit me at home a week ago. Now, I’m all for people being blunt and honest, but I really didn’t expect them to criticise everything in My Home from my plants to my furniture to my wall colours, to the location of my property to the Holly bush out the front… When they left I felt really deflated and upset. I don’t want to invite anybody into my home again.

I’m very happy with my home and the way it is, I don’t have expensive things but I like what I have and I’ve made the best of what I’ve got. It’s my sanctuary and calming place for me to relax. I know I shouldn’t care what others think, but I’m terribly upset that somebody would dislike it so much, and tell me.

we had a small event with two of my close friends and their families invited. After dinner as everyone was chatting. One of the friends (who rents )said your house has so many things and other friends (a bit tight) joined in saying we only buy what’s necessary. And how minimalist is a way to go. I said minimalist might work for your lifestyle but I love to own things and I’m proud people often borrow things from me. I’m maximalist, growing up we had very little money so now my house has everything and its a loving safe space for my family. That shut them up.

guess what? In few months one who never shops wanted to borrow a cake stand and other wanted her kid to bake at my house. Absolutely no was the answer.

they have never been invited back to my house.

you build your house to suit your lifestyle not theirs. Please don’t ever invite them back.

Be interesting to see what they're house looks like!!!! They have no right to criticize where you live

Do they have a personality disorder?

A couple I knew very well (I was best man at their wedding) came to visit us in our partly refurbished home with their small child, hadn't seen them for a couple of years. First red flag was the delight they took in telling us that their DS had asked who lived in this dump. They followed this up with a relentless criticism of everything we had done or planned to do until my DP was close to tears. After a couple of hours of this they finally realised that they weren't welcome and left. Never spoke to them again, hung up when they phoned, blocked their number, ignored every card, letter and email. Best decision I ever made.

Never take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from…

I had a cunt of an ex colleague who did this in my home. I was in a very very vulnerable state and she was toxic. Evil and toxic and I pray karma has bitten her hard.

She was / is a cunt and this is the first I have mentioned her in years she caused me so much trauma.

Op… this is no friend. Get rid. Don’t let them in your house again and move in from it.

Hugs xx

Does he fancy you OP? I've met blokes like this before - their way of flirting/marking you as their territory is to be rude. I'm not sure if it's emotional immaturity but I can't imagine it gets them very far

A lot of criticism/nastiness can often come from jealousy…

Great advice!

People should only be “blunt and honest” about something in your home if asked directly for their opinion. This person was bloody rude. I’d go as far as saying s/he was a twat to criticise your home. They must have some weird issue to do that. Take absolutely no notice. Remember you might hate their taste as reflected in their home.

I was taught that a guest shortens her sight and praises everything. That said, when my mother used to visit me she'd rearrange the furniture once I was out of the room. 'There!' she'd say, 'That looks better!'
If you invite your rude guest again, you're asking to be insulted. Your home is for you, not for ill-mannered visitors.

She's probably jealous, you having your own place and doing it up the way you like it. She....still living with her parents? Or with a partner who decides everything without consulting her?

As Thumper quoted from his Mum: If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all". Obviously your work colleague was dragged up, not brought up. Our home is our home. Mainly second hand, some homemade, and if visitors don't like it, they know where the door is.

WOW! I cannot believe someone would come into your home and blatantly list a load of things they didn't like. How rude!!! I would have asked them to leave. It's fine if the house isn't their taste in style, decor etc but to say it to you and go on about it. WOW. Do not invite them back for sure. Most haters are only jealous.

Well that’s just dam rude, doesn’t sound like a very nice person at all. Is it possible they are jealous?
I would distance myself from this person and only invite real friends to your home in future.

Some people are insane. Who would think that is ok 🤷‍♀️

You have every right to enjoy your home just as you want it to be. Don’t give his opinions any more thought. I have a cabinet I like very much but my friend tells me I should get rid of it. It’s none of her damn business and I’ll be keeping it for life and moving it to whichever homes I move to in the future. Annoying unwanted comment but it’s ignored and not given any weight by me.

It’s a man. I must admit I assumed it was a she as I never met a man who takes such a vested interest in critiquing someone’s home (when not asked) but I have met women who have.

I have a friend who is very minimalist, and incredibly house proud... her house is literally spotless and I don't know if she owns any books because there are no book cases or cabinets. Her house is like a show home.
Mine has wall to wall bookcases, mostly double stacked, photos of my family, and battered old patchwork sofas which I adore, and there are plenty of things that could do with an upgrade if we had the money or time.
But we both manage to admire each other's style and homes, even if we prefer our own.. that's what people DO!

Your colleage was simply appallingly rude and you should write him off as such!

A childhood friend of mine did this when she first come to my house. I'm not saying it was perfect it wasn't. Most our furniture was second hand but our mum as a single parent did all the decorating herself. Her parents hardly bothered to put the effort in. Even though they have never been short of money.

I had a friend who would say’as long as you like it’. Then a few months later copy what I’d done! New kitchen comes to mind!! Personalised number plate (which my son had bought for me). I could go on!

They were very rude. Ignore them. To criticise your taste exposes their insecurities, and, sadly, the mean-spiritedness of their character.
As my DM used to say, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”…

WTAF? Did they just walk from room to room telling you how shit every thing was? Who the hell does that? This is beyond weird. I’d be bloody furious and they have serious issues. Have they got any other friends??!

I tried to keep quiet about my views of any girlfriends my son had ( in contrast to my mum who was very vocal with her opinions) but I really struggled with one who stood in my hall and said " Actually that painting isn't too awful" . I am fully aware that paintings and art are very much a personal taste and this " not to awful" small painting was painted in front of me in Tunisia and was in only 4 colours black , white and 2 shades of blue and is a silhouette of 2 nomads on a camel in the moonlight. It reminds my husband and I of a great holiday . I don't care that it's not to everyone's taste, I like it. I managed to hold my tongue but my son had heard her and although he didn't say anything to her then, after meeting up with some friends later that day and listening to her be super critical with them he decided she wasn't for him. Phew !

Was he negging you?