AIBU to be upset because they didn’t like My Home?

[StarshipCaptain]

A former work colleague came to visit me at home a week ago. Now, I’m all for people being blunt and honest, but I really didn’t expect them to criticise everything in My Home from my plants to my furniture to my wall colours, to the location of my property to the Holly bush out the front… When they left I felt really deflated and upset. I don’t want to invite anybody into my home again.

I’m very happy with my home and the way it is, I don’t have expensive things but I like what I have and I’ve made the best of what I’ve got. It’s my sanctuary and calming place for me to relax. I know I shouldn’t care what others think, but I’m terribly upset that somebody would dislike it so much, and tell me.

Aren’t all cats entitled? 😂

Some people (very common if neurodiverse) do truly lack the polite filter to not say exactly what they're thinking but while blunt don't intend to be rude or cause hurt.
Others (arseholes) seem to believe only their opinions are important so like to voice them and expect people to be grateful for their amazing insight, not offended.

I think once over the stinging criticism, you'll look back at dick colleague's visit with humour at how they disliked absolute everything. Perhaps it's a ploy to alienate anybody who may possibly want to socialise or visit their home in future.

@notsofamous it was the only area where he may have had a point!

Are neurodiverse people also correspondingly fine with blunt speaking from others?

I have ADHD and I’m very easygoing, I feel like it’s quite hard to offend me and yet at the same time I’m ultra aware of not wanting to offend others.

Yes, tbf he was right about that one!

DoOne.Com

Loving it

They were incredibly rude!

I’m very happy with my home and the way it is,

That's all that matters.

Sometimes people put others down as a way of feeling better about themselves.

Doesn't excuse of course but what a way to live!

Rude and jealous, I say.

I’d be rethinking the relationship, but don’t be put off inviting others round. I love visiting friends for a cup of tea and a chinwag, and wouldn’t dream of making any negative remarks about their home, where they live.

And I hope that holly gave them a good scratch on the way out

ps loved the upthread comment about entitled cats so much, that grump would hate coming to our house

I once had a buyer come and look and she literally ran into each room and moaned out loud about the colour and decor. I was in complete shock!

Jealousy

If I were to give my honest appraisal of my own house as an outsider I'd be mortified. I had a friend come over recently and he tutted pretty much the entire tour of the garden. Telling me I should get rid of this and that and the other. Then proceeded to video the garden, say he'd show it to his garden designer friend and see what they could come up with. But TBH our garden is a long and arduous project. And we are in the middle of a project, so it is chaos. In my minds eye I can imagine the end result. But actually if the building materials would evaporate it would be fine. My friend is rather uncensored at the best of times. Previously stated we had too much stuff, and should bin most of our crockery. My Mum also is pretty opinionated, everything has to suit her tastes. And she can't help but tell me what I should do. Including painting my house white throughout. Now I personally detest white paint, so that's never going to work for me. She never asks me what I like or want. She'll say things like, I'd move if I were you, the garden is just too much work, I wouldn't live on a terrace. I couldn't deal with that, or this, or the other. It's a constant eruption from her mouth. Now I'm all too aware of many of our issues, and all the jobs that need doing. If only we could find the money and time to tackle them! Or if only we could migrate to a big detached house in the country or another country. Anyway to cut a long story short some people just can't help themselves. Neither my Mum or friend are horrible people, quite the contrary they are lovely. Just a little blind as to how they come across. But houses, decor, and everything is soo subjective. My Mum just spent night on 5,000, to literally put lipstick on a pig of a horrible house. A complete waste of money in my eyes. But she likes it. I had to learn a long time ago not to express my unwarranted opinions. Which took quite some effort, as I had been brought up with my Mum as a role model. I personally think you should decorate your house for yourselves. Because in the grand scheme of things, like when you sell it, the next owner will likely start afresh.

Sounds like you are content in your own surrounds. And that's amazing. I'd love to be in that situation. For me there is no worse judge than myself.

I thought they came to see how I was getting on since we didn’t work together anymore. I thought we were just gonna have a nice chat and catch up. He walked in the front door kicked off his shoes. I tried to direct into the living room and offered him a cuppa. But I soon realised he wasn’t behind me. So I pulled out where have you gone? Just having a look around. I’m only glad that I’m a tidy person, otherwise that would’ve been another criticism. No doubt he went into every room and every cupboard. In my study, he stopped and looked around and said what is this room supposed to be? One of my cover to comment that there was a lot of stuff in there, yes that’s why I keep my Christmas decorations my ironing basket and it’s the only storage cupboard in the whole house so yes it’s got everything in it.

I think neurodiversity is a bit of a red herring in this case. Both ND and NT people can be rude c -s or equally keen not to cause offence. I don’t think this rudeness sounds ND.

My cat would probably show him the way out actually.. 😅

Sounds like we had the same visitor. It was a week ago today, and I’m trying to put it out my mind, but I just keep looking round asking myself if my place really is awful. Well it’s not for me… I like it.

A colleague of mine once visited and suggested I knock my house down and rebuild on the same site. He didn't think it was retrievable in any way and didn't seem to acknowledge I was bringing a family up and paying a mortgage on one salary.
Deep breath and ignore them.

He's probably read a book called 'How To Become Mr Billy Big Bollocks Through The Power Of Negging', and didn't realise these books are for losers.

I don’t think this has anything at all to do with your home, OP. This is someone who just felt like being shitty. I bet your home is lovely. I mean who objects to a holly bush ffs.

I’ve read your posts, you’ve not actually said what he actually said. Other than he looked around and asked about a full cupboard, which is quite an unusual thing to write as it’s really not anything that indicates your home is awful

so what did he say ?

I am quite minimalist, and I like modern furniture, but I do have a lot of books and plants… So it’s not completely soulless. It definitely has my character everywhere. And I think that’s why I found it hurtful because I’m not liking my style it’s saying that you don’t like me.

The thing we bonded with at work was talking about plants and gardens he even criticised some of my plants, some were too big and some were too small. I’m very good at growing orchids, and one was in flower, but even that was criticised for being small.

Who won’t be getting an invite again and I might just take someone’s suggestion off telling him I’m sorry my home didn’t live up to his high standard, but he can send his complaint to doone.com and be done with him.

I had a friend previously kept telling me I shouldn’t have blue things in the bathroom, this was years ago and I had a nautical theme and I liked it. And she mentioned it every single time she came over. I have to be honest I don’t like the beige in her bathroom, but I never once mentioned it.

I definitely won’t be doing that. Makes me wonder what his house is like.

If they critiqued a Holly Bush outside I'm guessing they were looking to just criticise anything.

Your former colleague is a CF and I'm imagining his own residence being a cluttered flat that smells of damp trainers and neglected plumbing and has every wall of the living room painted a different colour. (Apols. to all MNers who have the skill and courage etc.)

When my children were younger I had a mum-friend who used to appraise my home decoration with a sniffy, "It's not what I'd have chosen." But that's OK, I wouldn't have decorated my house the way she'd done hers either, though I hope I had a better filter on my gob. And nothing beats the family member who told one of my sisters, unasked, that if he was sorting out her house he'd throw out all the shelves of books and have the cats put to sleep.