AIBU to be upset because they didn’t like My Home?

[StarshipCaptain]

A former work colleague came to visit me at home a week ago. Now, I’m all for people being blunt and honest, but I really didn’t expect them to criticise everything in My Home from my plants to my furniture to my wall colours, to the location of my property to the Holly bush out the front… When they left I felt really deflated and upset. I don’t want to invite anybody into my home again.

I’m very happy with my home and the way it is, I don’t have expensive things but I like what I have and I’ve made the best of what I’ve got. It’s my sanctuary and calming place for me to relax. I know I shouldn’t care what others think, but I’m terribly upset that somebody would dislike it so much, and tell me.

I’m not even responsible for the Hollybush out the front, because I live in a ground floor apartment, so the gardens are maintained and are very neat. when he mentioned the Hollybush, I said I don’t mind it because come Christmas I’ll chop a bit off and do some internal festive decorating.

I just didn’t understand his behaviour at all I don’t know whether it’s supposed to be endearing or something I didn’t get it.

How incredibly rude
Do not take any notice of someone who can be as nasty as him
It is your Sanctuary, not his
Only let someone you want in it through your door

Interesting, you mention, neuro diverse, that’s me, and I can be blunt and to the point. I don’t really have a filter, but then I don’t speak my mind. However, if I’m pressed for an answer then I will be honest but I wouldn’t just come out with it. I understand that people want you to like their things or keep your mouth shut.

I like blue & nautical in the bathroom! A friend had it full on - ships wheel, shells etc. I loved it! I’m not a fan of beige, but if you had beige I would not criticise it in any way.

I know a few people like this.

What I always find strange is that the "straight talking" and "I tell it like it is" types always seem great at dishing out their forthright opinions, but a lot less happy when it is someone else dishing out a forthright opinion back to them.

Learn to value the opinions of people whose opinions are worth valuing. Feel free to ignore the rest.

I am a youngest child and overpraise everyone and everything too!

My Mum once walked into my bedrroom and just stood there staring just repeatedly saying OMG oh dear OMG.

She's never been allowed upstairs since

Seriously his problem. I bet he doesn't get invited back anywhere.

Reminds me of a colleague who popped round when we moved house, looked around and said "Oh yes, my house is still bigger!".

OP, I have a few friends who have, albeit mildly, critisicised my home and its location too, it’s really weird. I don’t understand the mindset of anyone who would do that. I’d never do the same to anyone else as I like to see the positives for my friends.

100% this person is jealous af of you. x

You need to just stop now.

This person is rude. Maybe also a cunt.

Stop giving it headspace.

It doesn't matter who maintains the Holly bush. You need to decide to stop thinking about this person.

I shall - right now. I’m pleased to say that so many people are on my side. I’ve done nothing wrong and I shouldn’t let them upset me. Even if I’ve got the worst taste in the world, that’s my choice.

How upsetting OP. Usually these highly critical people, make themselves feel good by putting others down, sadly. I am sure your home is lovely.

I think it's a good reminder that you can get on with colleagues at work. But outside work they might be totally alien and complete pricks. If they had never been around and cast their opinions, how would the relationship fare?

Weirdly a couple of the chaps at the office that I quite liked working with but didn't have much in common I've come round to over time. One of them I thought a dick, but respected their work. Both of them have changed quite a bit over the years and now I like them both. I doubt we'd have much in common in our houses. And we've probably done all of about three social functions outside the office - they were probably just drinks and food after work or the Christmas meal.

It's weird that you can spend soo much time with people, but barely know them because you don't get the chance to talk. Sometimes we grasp for commonalities. To like gardening, or food and drink is such a wide gamut, it doesn't really mean much at all to have these vague intersectional interests.

I understand how it may be slightly upsetting, but you like your home amd how you have it. Why pay attention to some critical and rude person? Just don't meet with them again.

I wouldn’t worry. I was criticised once for not having any photos of family or children in the main room, I only had art prints. I would never make a comment on someone else’s home though it is rude as everyone has different tastes

Ignore them OP - as the saying goes an Englishman's home is his castle and your former colleague was way out of order when invited into your home to disparage it.
Everyone has their own style, some live in chaos, some are minimalist, some are totally something else - it is their home and they like it that way. Just as you love your home - you have put your own mark on it and it has your personality stamped on it. Your hopefully ex-friend is not worth another wasted thought!!

I just don't understand what is wrong with people. What satisfaction did it give them to say anything except "thank you for having me. Your house is lovely"?

Don't feel defeated. They are taking the piss.

I had this with a friend. She came to see my house and while she didn't directly criticise much, she praised small things in a really over the top way so that it was clear she thought everything else was rubbish. Eg she liked the curtain tie-backs and one of the food items I'd bought. She had nothing else positive to say about the house at all.

She's now an ex friend.

I have a cousin like this,she thinks everyone is desperate for her approval and she sulked for a month when I told her to mind her own business.

The spade a spade brigade.
They can never take any criticism themselves !
Ignore it.
I've a friend who picks holes in things too
They seem to find it hard to be positive.
I'm sure your home is lovely op!

I well know this kind of person. DH's best friend invites himself to stay annually as we live near a festival he goes to. I have put up with it for about 8 years. he is critical. Everything. I cannot even tell you what he criticises as it is too outing . But he criticises decor; which room is designated for what;' how i once made bolognese for dinner.

Last year I finally snapped and told him that if he did not like things in MY house then he could fuck off and he wasn't welcome.

This year he has booked a hotel nearby.

Some people are just arrogant entitled shitheads who think that every piece of shit that drops from their mouth has to be held up like the tablets the ten commandments were on.

This is not a criticism of you.

Please don't take it as such .

When he criticized the holly bush, you made an excuse for it. When he criticized the cupboard, you also made an excuse for it.

Another answer to his criticism would have been an eye roll and a sarcastic 'Really?' Alternatively, 'I don't remember asking for your opinion'.

It's easy to think of all sorts of smart retorts in hindsight, but when you're faced with unexpected rude remarks, you can be too gobsmacked to react. Stop beating yourself up. Your house is yours to decorate as you wish (and it's none of my business, but it sounds lovely). Your guest is a boor. Rude isn't strong enough a word for him going through the house, his examination of it, and his remarks.

Clearly, you're never going to see this man again as long as you draw breath. I love the DoOne.com suggestion. You have nothing to lose, and I think it would be liberating for you to really send him that note.

Your colleague is a jealous bitch.

What a horrible person! YANBU. And I'm sure your home is lovely - you love it, and that's the only thing that counts!